h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I hope to persuade you, because I know about you, to not hurt yourself. You made yourself known to me, well you dropped a line while I was rambling on in one of Scandrea's threads, and you let me know you were feeling bothered. Choose the DVD. Well, I can't be of any assistance to you unless you wish to have some from the likes of myself, Leiann, who is faceless and an internet presence. However, although I am a ghost in the Internet, I have ambition and good intentions.

Ah...
Sorry, I can be abit too honest and open about what I'm feeling at times.
I'm chain smoking right now, don't normally smoke when I'm staying here, but tis better than binge eating or other self-harming behaviours I've used in the past.
I am genuinely sorry if I've worried you.

You can be happy with the fact that you are honest. Would you prefer to be a liar or a manipulator? You could, by use of your honesty, play a game with people's feelings.

Would you like me to forget about your existence?

I accept your apology for worrying me. If you did hurt yourself, I couldn't have stopped you. I can't manifest in your room. Well, my intention can manifest.

I am edging with my foot in your door.

I've probably said worthless crap in this message.


I can relate to you because I got dumped not by the same person by but a long-time boyfriend. I was dumped over two years ago. When he was gone I realized how big of metaphorical and literal hole was in my life. I lost 5 years once that guy dumped me. I had to rebuild, and so I went back to discovering my hobbies. I also made moves to get friends. I now have a marvelous Spanish Friend who has taught me to count in Spanish up until 20. I can also say "Me Gustas Tu", which means I Like You.

"Would you prefer to be a liar or a manipulator?"
Definetly not giving that are traits I dispise in anyone.

"Would you like me to forget about your existence?"
Not so ago I would wish everyone would forget I existed and ignore me, and leave alone to get and kill myself... Not so much now.

"If you did hurt yourself, I couldn't have stopped you."
Indeed, to self-harm is usually one's own choice, however those that go out of their way to say harmful things to people can also bear responsibility, not that has relevence here.

How long has misery been your companion?

When your fiance left you, how long ago was that?

Are you in your 20s?

I was dropped out of a long-term relationship two years ago in January 2003, and I was 22 at the time.

I didn't want to be ignored after being released from that relationship. I was greatly lonely. I did hate myself and I thought of committing suicide because I was angry at myself for being a wretch or perhaps a monster. I felt that I had left the relationship as damaged or perverted goods.

I am now feeling and doing better. However, I still browse the Internet like a shut-in creature sometimes.

"How long has misery been your companion?"
Oh, most of my life.

"When your fiance left you, how long ago was that?"
About 8 months. She made me feel real love and real happiness for the first time in my life.

"Are you in your 20s?"
Yep, 22.

When she broke things off, I overdosed. After I recovered from that I continued to cut and burn myself and pound my head against walls, scream and cry and hate myself.

I have my fair share of ill-confidence, uncertainty. So, I will leave you alone.

I ask questions, and I think that I have bothered you.

Oh there you are

8 months.

How many months or years did she spend with you?

*sigh*

You have survived this far. If I could find a damned *salute* h2g2 emoticon, I would put it here. I SALUTE you for not dying and escaping existence.

I never pounded my head. But I instead scratched myself. When I am anxious or sad, I scratch my legs when I sleep.

I acknowledge what I suffer, and I discipline myself to not harm myself.

I have been happy, but not truly happy throughout my life. On a scale of 1 to 10, I have been a consistent 5. I sometimes peak at 10 and beyond. LOL.

I keep a sense of humour to pick up my spirit from the clutching pit of misery. If I could see myself in that pit, I would be mud-covered and caked and screaming in the rain.

When I was with that first and only long-term boyfriend, and we stayed together for 5 years, I did feel a true romantic love. There are many types of love, and this romantic love I really did feel as though it were hugging me. But I started to suffocate in that embrace because him and I were immature and not wise. I made mistakes which he never forgot, and he kept secrets from me and sometimes called me vicious names. But I do miss the romantic love that I did feel and touched.

I hope to find romance again, but a seasoned love that won't toss because of anxiety and fear.

What do you hope for?

You're bothering me.

Okay,

Sorry.

Bye.

You're *not* bothering me! I do that sometimes, miss out letters or words and end completely chaning the meaning of what I say.

ssshhh we all miss out words occasionally..she will be back ...

Oh, thank you!

*I wipe my forehead*

LOL.

I have gotten used to rejection. I do come on too strong. But I when I ask questions it is out of a feral need of mine to be accepted by the person I am talking to and interested in.

I repress my primal need for acceptance, love and kindness, and so I try to regulate myself instead of throwing myself like a wild cat at people I find to be fascinating.

Thank you for clarifying that you miss out words and make typos. LOL.

I do that sometimes.

What do I hope for?

I hope that one day I will be able to cope with life and reality. I hope that I will be able to return to education. I hope I will be able to get a job in quiet little bookshop and earn enough to live on.
I hope that I won't forever feel alone. And not to afraid at the end of a futile life.

I do it all the time darling....

Go back to your friend..


lil xx

You sound like myself. However, I have French ostentatious attitude and I say "Screw this noise!", and so my ambition arises.

I say "You're not the Boss of Me!"

Misery is not the boss of me.

However, I shout because I do feel powerless.
By futile do you mean powerlessness or pointless?
I know that my existence is not futile but it is small and can be squashed easily. I am a small creature who has a very white face like a ghost. Well, I am strong like bull, a medium-sized girl, but I know that I am a small creature in the position of outsider in a crowd. I can speak to many different people, but I feel powerless to persuade people that I can help or that I matter.

You have my attention. Continue to message me.

You want to work in a book shop? I hope that you won't shelve yourself away from people. I like book shops. Comfortable places, and not suffocating.

You're mentioning of a book shop reminds me of this:

I imagine my mind to be like a library, and I have ONE library clerk working who is able to shelve and retrieve necessary information. LOL. My mind is well-organized but I can be forgetful. I only recall so much information or the clerk doesn't work at all.

For your mind, what would the metaphor be?

Here you go Lil

"I have gotten used to rejection. I do come on too strong"

I'm the opposite. I expect rejection, rather than having become used to it. I remain apart from things and don't come on at all, so that I can't be rejected. I feel the need to be accpeted by most people. Just those those I've developed a liking or admiration for from afar.
I surpress my need for warmth and human kindness.

"By futile do you mean powerlessness or pointless?"
Pointless. Very pointless.

"creature in the position of outsider in a crowd"
That's me.

"You want to work in a book shop?"
Yep, I don't care if all I do is stack shelves and work on the till. Or if I manage it, or own a specialist sci-fi/fantasy bookshop of my owm. I just want to work around books and book fetishists.

"For your mind, what would the metaphor be?"
I'm rather forgetful myself. But my mind is an icestorm, cold but passionate, in unpredictable turmoil, changing direction and force all the time, hard and unsafe to navigate through and... so on.