h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

First I should say it was very well written and basically objective. It dose however contain some mistakes, which given all the misinformation his distracters have put out is hard to avoid.

This is not as stated. “He and his wife separated and June 1774 found him without money or prospects.” What actually happened.

“Thos. Pain of the first part, the said Elizabeth of the 2nd part, and the Rev. James Castley, Clerk, of the 3d part, by which Articles, after reciting (inter alia) that Dissentions had arisen between the said Thos. Pain and Elizabeth his wife, and that they had agreed to live separate. And also reciting the Will of the said Saml. Ollive and that the said Thomas Pain had agreed that the said Elizabeth should have and take her share of the said Monies of the said House when the same should become due and payable and that he would give any Discharge that should then be required to and for the use of the said Elizabeth: The said Thos. Pain did covenant to permit the said Elizabeth to live separate from him and to carry on such Trade and Business as she should think fit, notwithstanding her coverture and as if she were a Feme. Sole. And that he would not at any time thereafter claim or demand the said monies which she should be entitled to at the time of the sale of the said House in Lewes aforesaid, or any of the Monies Rings Plate Cloathes Linen Woollen Household Goods or Stock in Trade which the said Elizabeth should or might at any time thereafter buy or purchase or which should be devised or given to her or she should otherwise acquire and that she should and might enjoy and absolutely dispose of the same as if she were a Feme. Sole and unmarried. And also that it should and might be lawful for the said Elizabeth to have receive and take to her own separate use and benefit her said share of the Monies for which the said Messuage or Tenement in Lewes should be sold when the same should become due and payable."

What the above is basically a quitclaim. His second marriage seems to have been doomed from the start. It would at first seem that this might work, Pain was from a partial Quaker background, and she was a Quaker. It got off wrong from the beginning. There was a custom among some Quaker that newlyweds should keep apart for the first year as if in mourning.

Paine was a political animal, being an ardent Whig at this time, elected to the town council, and a member of a political debating club. Member of the Order of the Rose, and L’Ordre du Lis and of the Great, or World Council… “He was not yet twenty-one when he joined a group (the council) composed principally of French and English citizens who were seeking a means to bring about this freedom... it being the thought of these men that such freedom might be established within the forms of governments as they then existed.” (Once in America, he came to the conclusion that things could not be changed within the governments as they existed then. The social and political conditions were also far worse for many colonists than they were in England.)

His wife was profoundly uninterested in public affairs. In 1800 she was visited as a possible source of information, she did not know if he was alive or dead, but only that he had went somewhere overseas. Nor, it seems was she interested in the source of sums of money he had sent anonymously. They had never cohabited.

As to the said above house, this house had not belonged to the Ollives, but to Paine, for which she got the equity he had put in. He had been made a partner having some share of the business, this was given to his wife. He had already sold his furniture and some effects to pay off his debts, and for money, quite likely for the voyage he was to make. As for the tobacco mill he sold. “Snuff was made by pulverizing “cured” tobacco leaves, which had been allowed to ferment in their own juices for several years. Initially, snuff was ground by using a mortar and pestle or hand-operated grinders.” It was not the shop.

War record. (Not in the reported.)

I downloaded a copy (all of them) from, Search The Muster and Pay Rolls of the War of the Revolution, 1775-1783, and, U.S. Revolutionary War Rolls, 1775-1783, relating to Paine. (These are not complete.) Among them is a photocopy of a pay request dated in September (coinciding with the alleged, one of them, so-called begging for reward nonsense) for the months of February through October, he had asked for his back pay. This is in the letters of Thomas Paine, and is a photocopy of a pay receipt authorized by congress. He was not as was said petitioning congress for an award.

I as also struck by this fact, he could have asked for, and got, a pension for his combat service, this was never asked for.

“I went to Fort Lee, and served as aid-de-camp to Greene, who commanded at Fort Lee, and was with him through the whole of the black times of that trying campaign…. Before the taking the Hessians at Trenton, which, with the affair at Princeton, the week after, put an end to the black times." Paine was there.

“I began the first number of the " Crisis," beginning with the well-known expression, ' These are the times that try men's souls', at Newark, upon the retreat from Fort Lee, and continued writing it at every place we stopped at”… “As I was with the troops at Fort Lee, and marched with them to the edge of Pennsylvania, I am well acquainted with many circumstances, which those who live at a distance know but little or nothing of… We staid four days at Newark, collected our out-posts with some of the Jersey militia, and marched out twice to meet the enemy, on being informed that they were advancing, though our numbers were greatly inferior to theirs.” He literally began this on the battlefield.

Paine was to again see action, after the fall of Philadelphia; he was made a courier between congress and Washington, saw action, and was in several battles. Later receiving a volunteer commission from General Greene. The Americans had set up two forts, blocking supplies to Howe’s army, which was becoming desperate. A statement was made that one of the bravest solders in Washington’s army was (he refused a higher rank) Private Thomas Paine. (Later, written by a witness to the events.)

"Major-Gen. Greene was charged with the defence of the Delaware, and part of Brig.-Gen. Varnum’s brigade was placed in garrison at Fort Mercer, Red Bank, and at Fort Mifflin. A bloody and unsuccessful assault was made by Count Donopand 1,200 Hessians on Fort Mercer, defended by the 1st and 2d Reg’ts. R. I. Continental Inf’y. The entire British fleet was then brought up opposite Fort Mifflin … The entire works were demolished, and most of the garrison killed and wounded. Major-Gen. Greene being anxious for the garrison and desirous of knowing its ability to resist sent Mr. Paine to ascertain. He accordingly went to Fort Mercer, and from thence, on Nov. 9 (1777) went … in an open boat to Fort Mifflin, during the cannonade."

(In addition to this, his boat having been spotted was also fired on by two shore batteries, which had been bombarding the fort.)


This is in error. “He would continue in this altruistic habit, several times being forced to beg a stipend from the Continental Congress and, after independence, from President Washington.”


1783 (fall) – Paine stayed at Kirkbride’s New Bellevue, while watching the near completion of a little home of his own.

The National Museum of the American Revolution had this to say. “ Secondary sources state that Thomas Paine owned a cottage and a few acres.” (This is usually described as a plot of less than an acre.) “A closer look at the records in Mt. Holly shows a larger description never before published until this writing. Paine owned a cottage and perhaps more than one, and seven (7) acres, some of which were next to or in the vicinity of Kirkbrides' place in Bordentown. The seven acres began at what is now northwest Church and Farnworth, 132 feet west, then 66 feet north, 132 feet east, crossing Farnsworth 80 feet, north and south, into a large rectangle, then proceeded across Farnsworth Avenue north to Hilltop and then westerly. “

Pain had petitioned congress to reimburse him for some of his out of pocket expenses. In particular his trip to France. “In February, 1781, Colonel Laurens, amidst the financial distress of America, was sent on mission to France in order to obtain a loan, and Mr. Paine, at the solicitation of the Colonel, accompanied him.” Paine paid for this himself, did most of the work, was never acknowledged for it etc. Congress was reluctant to act fearing it might rehash the Silas Deane affair. It seems that it was more to make a point, probably expecting (if) repaid, in the near worthless continental notes. Paine once reported that a pair of woolen shocks had cost him 300 dollars (continental).

Back to the fall of 1783. He received a letter from General Washington, then at Rocky Hill, which told Paine of the coming of recognition for all his efforts in behalf of his nation. All this and what he managed to do, his house etc. made him financially independent. His next project was the construction of iron bridges. This would take him to Europe, as America lacked the manufacturing capability.