h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well i would have felt churlish now not to leave a message, particularly as you've been in the bush for a long time. Lucky you, i had no chance to do that, although i did work in PMB for over a year. But i always tried to snatch seconds of wilderness and loneliness, if only by driving with the car window open, aircon was shot anyway, but even when i had one i hardly ever used it. Step out of the car in the middle of the caroo, have the heat fall down on my neck. That sort of thing.

Hello there,

Nice to meet you. Sorry that you did not have a chance to spend time in the bush....so close too.

Maritzburg is such a lovely place though...what were you doing there?

I don't know it that well, akthough i have done some business there in the past. Wonderful surrounding countryside....quite stunning...

I too have driven through the Karoo many times. There is something very special about pulling up there...walking a few metres off the road and feeling that sun whilst listening to the silence of the place.

Did you ever drive through at dawn?....magnificent

I worked at the university in PMB, doing tissue culture of trees, black stinkwood, Warburgia and yellowwood.

i had enough sense to know that in the bush i would need a reliable experienced guide.

I did a lot of driving into the sunset, dusk no dawn, just not a dawn person, see? Once i drove from PMB to Springbok in one day, if i'd gotten up early in the morn i'd have made it to Port Nolloth, where i was headed.
I often didn't want to stop driving, i'd take in a supply of biltong, mars bars and coke and just drive, throwing all the wrappers into the passenger seat, and when i came to a service station, i'd throw the rubbish in the bin, take in another supply and go on.
Then when i started falling asleep at the wheel i'd put in somewhere, the faces in the hotels, particularly in Springbok when i ambled in at midnight, askin' for a room! And once i didn't even know the name of the place i'd got to.
Didn't do that sort of thing in Natal though, too dangerous, always holed up somewhere at dusk.

Fascinating work...what ws the focus of it and who was it for?...or was it for your degree or something like that?....nosy i know...but interested.

I drove to Capetown more times than i care to remember...hence the reason for being in the Karoo at dawn....i was certainly never a dawn person...although that has changed somewhat in recent years.

The Northern Cape is not that familiar to me by comparison. I am sure that i have been through springbok at some stage...i know i was in hotazel which i think is not too far away, but apart from kimberly all the other names have kind of faded and melted into each other.

How long ago was it that you looked for a midnight room in Springbok?....i know exactly what their faces must of looked like....would of loved to have seen that.

Biltong and peanuts were my travelling companions...or a loaf of fresh warm bread from one of the cafes with a chunk of cheddar.

Cheddar, i forgot the cheddar. How could I! I love cheddar! Ah, the Empire!
97/98 it was that i was knocking about SA, I was working to develop methods for the growing of those trees in vitro, for purposes of conservation and reforestation. Yellowwood was comparatively easy, there was really only a little trick to it. Warburgia and Ocotea are tough though, because they're excuding all sorts of substances, not surprising really, seeing that they're medicinal plants.
And growing them in vitro is only half the task, the other, every bit as tough, is then to grow them back outside. But i didn't stay long enough for that part.

Yes many people were much taken aback about my traveling alone, and turning up just somewhere. Very many were also extra helpful to me. Some were helpful though disapproving, which i thought very sweet!
I did take every precaution i could, always had the car checked before going on a tour, always had a mobile phone with me, and 20 l of water in the boot.

so would you be employed by the forestry commision or private companies such as sappi?...sounds brilliant i must say...you obviously did quite a bit of studying etc etc...university and whatnot.

I can imagine....especially in some of the smaller dorps...they are lovely people but can be very sexist. I try not to be but i have to admit that i would be as nervous as hell if you were my sister or lady etc etc and you went off like that over there....and that was not a great time either.

so do have any plans to go back?...or does your work take you to lots of differant parts of the world anyway?

Yes my parents and siblings were worried as well, and in the end my being in SA rendered them so acutely miserable, that i chucked it, although they were offering me an extension of my grant at the U of Natal. And although SA has been one of the most exciting and stimulating and terrifying experiences of my life I don't see myself going back there any time soon.
I used to travel a lot for work, stayed for months and years in places, that's how one gets to know something real well. But now i can only do the business trip kind of travel, what with my job, and anyways, i don't feel i have the time anymore to dedicate myself to another country.
Are you out of Africa for good now, or do you plan on going back?

That is indeed the way to get to know somewhere, something or someone really well...probably the only true way. It always makes me laugh when i hear people say they have 'done' Africa or wherever when in reality they spent a few days or more sitting in air conditioned coaches and hotels...they may just as well of driven through some hollywood studio sets.

What sort of work do you do?

I am not sure to be honest. I have basically taken a bit of time of to come and spend it with some little people who belong to my sister before they get too old (whole new world for me), and whilst here i am looking around with a view to staying...at the end of the day i guess it will come down to what i can find to do for a few shekkels and whether or not i will enjoy doing it...and whether i can handle the grey skies when they come as well.

Well, by 'doing' a country, one can clock up a lot of new and strange impressions. But often when i came through those small towns in the Caroo or the Little Caroo, or the west coast, generally in the middle of nowhere, i often wished i could stay a couple of months, mooch about the corners in the morning evening and night, talk to the people at length, give a hand on the farms when they're shorthanded, and maybe get drunk together a few times with some of them.

I do agricultural research, plant science, that's taken me places, and plant science can't be done in a hurry. And what do you earn your beans with?

I can't sat that i stayed in any of the dorps for months but certainly some of them for a week or so.totally differant way of life which was often fascinating...especially some of the mining villages.I did get drunk with some of them a few times...but i all to often seemed to find the one who turned a bit with a few drinks...and they always seemed to be at least one.

your work sounds very interesting and rewarding. My 'career' is not nearly so focused and i have done many things...I was called an engineer once ...but that was really for the visas...however sometimes we seemed to know more than the genuine ones...More recently i have been working on various film and commercial locations around SA...i used to run the catering contracts which was great fun ( i am not a caterers arse though)...i just made things happen...however most of the shekkels have come from buying and selling .....anything really from imported goods to liquidated stock of one sort or another.

Ah yes, drink brings out strange facettes in people, seen a bit of that myself. You must tell me about the Worms That Turned, you might know a variety unknown to me.
Import & Export, is it? Covers a perfectly wonderful multitude of sins, or so i imagine in my ivory tower. Talking about ivory, fascinated me in SA, but of course it isn't legal to er import to conscientious Europe.
SA is fashionable for film i hear, particularly in the Cape, because of the quality of the light. I often think of the light in SA, and of the quality of the air, it's like nothing in the northern hemisphere. Chile has it too, surprised me.

nothing illegal i hasten to add!!...lol

To a large extent it was sporting goods from the far east, india and pakistan.

I am quite sure i have met a few species unknown to most...many of whom do not really warrant any of my time, however i have also been fortunate enough to have sat round a fire with some beers and some wonderful old characters....white and black folk alike. One of the most interesting was an old african guy who had lived in the bush all his life...a few beers and the conversations flowed wonderfully in the most colourful way imaginable...takes a while to understand the way they use english but well worth hanging in there....

No i don't think that Africa has seen the back of me somehow.

Illegal? Of course not. Didn't occur to me at all. Not a bit. Goodness, no. Nothing could be further from my mind! Nothing.

Thinking of going back to SA, or another place in Africa?

well...there was that little bit of green stuff of course...

Probably SA, however if i do stay here i may sell the piece of land i have near joburg and buy something in Mozambique that i could use for Safari/beaching/fishing/ type of place...maybe even a place i could semi live and write whilst there...but that is a bit of a dream at the moment.....you have to dream though...hey?

I sometimes dream of buying a house in Port Nolloth. Would be ideal for writing. I also dream of a datcha in deepest Russia. Then again, where i live now is ideal for writing too.
I'm beginning to like that idea of cloning.
Do you write seriously?

I feel like i should know Port Nolloth...is that in SA somewhere...on the west coast maybe?

where are you living at present?

cloning would certainly save a lot on shipping bills!!

I have a desire to, i am using a lot of my time whilst here to do some home studying courses through the London school of Journalism.

It's on the west coast, not far from the Namibian border. Diamond area. Surrealistic experience for me.

I would like to be cloned so i could live in several places at once. Yes i know, i know, i'm talking blithering nonsense. I would still like it. Shizophrenia's not the solution either.

London School of Journalism? You're starting it the right way, learn the craft first. I started the wrong way, i had a lot of stories and absolutely no idea how to tell them.

oh i forgot, beg pardon, you were asking where i'm living now. Germany.

i lived in germany for about a year...which part are you?

nothing wrong with a bit of blithering nonsense...good for the soul...lol...i talk it all the time!!

I did try to write a book once but it was hopeless.however i believe i can...and will soon enough. i would like to be able to put a plot and structure of some sort together whereby i can incorporate my own life experiences...which are many...coloured and varied to say the least.

However i would also like to write features for newspapers and magazines.

East Germany.
Where in Germany have you been? *hopes he doesn't say Munich, most every foreigner seems to have been to Munich, nuthn wrong with Munich really, 'cept it isn't rightly in Germany*

Was that book you started about your life experiences? That is if that's not to nosey a question.