h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

<<"carry on boffing her until she won't let you any more"
...
"how about treating people with a little consideration and respect?"

That IS consideration and respect! >>

You really have no idea do you?

It depends on the reason she is 'putting out'. Maybe she has low self esteem and wants to feel needed physically, maybe it's a bit of entertainment for her, maybe she doesn't want to be on her own that night. There can be a number of reasons for having sex and you are assuming that hers is the same as yours.

But I suppose that means that you would have to think about her feeings rather than just achieve your own physical gratification.

You said yourself:
<>

It doesn't really matter if it not up to much, or more particularly, she isn't up to much.

Alex.

"There can be a number of reasons for having sex and you are assuming that hers is the same as yours."

No I'm not. The *reason*, in this case, is irrelevant. The fact that she wants to is enough.

I was drawing the distinction between what would be appropriate behaviour with someone you care about, and someone you fundamentally don't.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that I was a healthy, single bloke. I'm offered the following two scenarios:

1. A good, platonic friend of many years comes round, we end up having sex.

2. A vague acquaintance friend-of-a-friend comes round, we end up having sex.

You are suggesting, it seems, that a guy should react in the same way to these two scenarios. I disagree.

In (1), if the sex even happened at all, I'd probably feel uncomfortable and not want to repeat it - pretty much the reaction mentioned on the thread this started on. More than that, since to qualify for this reaction she'd have had to have been a GOOD friend, I'd go beyond that and try to find out *why* it had happened, and see if there was anything I could do if there was a problem. Ultimately, I'd *care*.

In (2), pretty much by definition, the only thing I'd care that much about would be to be sure there was
- consent
- no chance of catching something
- no chance of pregnancy

Once those basics are out of the way, I'm pretty much uninterested in the reasons why it happened. Another adult wants sex with me? Cool. Am I supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth? I don't think so.

There does arise the question of how long you could carry on boffing someone before they stop being a casual acquaintance and start falling by default into a different category, but that's out of scope here, isn't it?

I'm not assuming *anything* about her reasons for having sex. What I'm saying is that her reasons don't matter. So long as she wants it, I'm happy to go with it, at least for a while.

SoRB

<>

And there it is on a plate. Her reasons do not matter, you just fancy a f*ck.

Way hey, you go ahead then boyo. There are other consequences apart from the ones you stated.

Alex.

Alex,

Just before you have sex with a man lucky enough to be up to your standards do you sit down and go through why he wants sex with you(apart from bleedin obvious that you are gorgeous - from what SoRB has told me). Do you think that before ANYONE has sex the basic fall out of the act should be fully discussed prior to any boffing?

That sort of seems to be what you are saying above.

If a woman offers a man sex he should firstly find out what the reason behind it is (in my case usaully, desparation or blindness).

If it was a friend-of-a-friend and she was not drunk and she had not just told me she had fallen out with her boyfriend last night etc I think I would allow myself the pleasure.

With these fairly general quesitons out the way it comes down to you both being responsible adults and if she wants to have sex then why should we question her further? Any other deeper reason is probably one that you would not find out about apart from deep analysis and when it comes down to it we are all basically so screwed up that if we did analyse why we want sex we would all not have sex al all due to it being for the wrong reasons.

If it was a platonic friend - probably not even if she was sober and not in a delicate frame of mind. Unless...

Hi Alf

I did start off quite serious about what I was saying but I'm afraid I then fancied doin' a bit of winding up. I don't often get the chance.

Anyway, I used to have the policy of 'boff' (to use SoRB's term) them first and if they were no good then no point in carrying on. If they were good then see 'em again. This policy has worked 3 times and ended up in long term relatinships.

I am now of the opinion that it might (I did say 'might') be better for two people to get to know each other first before getting it n. But who knows, whatever works.

And you matey are flirt city.



Alex.

You know, I've heard this sort of argument before...

"Her reasons do not matter, you just fancy a f*ck."

Yes, I do. And I'm an adult. And, as I said, I'm presupposing that she is, too. That's what an age of consent is FOR.

"Way hey, you go ahead then boyo. There are other consequences apart from the ones you stated."

Perhaps. But they are NONE OF MY BUSINESS, once I've taken care of my basic responsibility to ensure I don't contract clap, AIDS or fatherhood.

You seem to be suggesting that I, the grownup, have a responsibility to her, the mere, dear, sweet, fragile little brainless female, to look after her, because after all how can the darling little fink be expected to take responsibility for her own actions and their consequences, what with her being mentally handicapped because she doesn't have testicles?

I absolutely reject that infantilising view of women, and I'm surprised you're peddling it, frankly.

SoRB

It's nothing to do with infantilising women. I have had a similar attitude myslef and didn't really take into account who the man really was and what were their motives etc.etc. It was purely physical for me.

What I'm saying now though is that whenever one interacts with people, physically, emotionally, socially etc we should remeber that they are people with feelings and stuff going on in their lives, just as we are. They are not just a thing to f*ck, be they female or male.

Alex.

Gosh, what a shallow person. Actually, a refreshing statement above and treating everyone with a similar level of responsibility. Yes, that man was maybe looking for more maybe they did not get more(emotionally) and maybe there was some emotional fall out. But maybe the next time they were expecting more they went into it more open-minded and if it did not turn out to be more they regarded it as a 'good' experience on their search for something more.



Absolutely correct, however, having 'done the right thing' on a previous occasion and a few years later realising it would actually not have f*cked this particular girls mind up I realised I was second guessing what she would go through at some point later on and I should have actually let her sh*g my brains out.

So, it is actually very difficult to make a decision to protect someone from their own actions when it might be you with the problem due to thinking too much.

So, falling back to the comment that we are all adults and responsibility for our own actions is the best one for me (not ignoring bloody obvious 'mental' and odd behavioural issues that should really stop you doing the dirty if you have a conscience).



With the general openness of people and the reduced of prissiness about sex and relationships I think people sometimes do just want to have sex now and again even if it is just a bit of an ego boost or feelings recharge(i.e. that someone still wants you physically) and it does not have the hang ups that it might have done previously. And that is no bad thing - it could be argued that maybe those are the wrong reasons but if there is no gult, you do not feel dirty after it, no one is hurt (unless they want to be) then why not just be a thing to f*ck and enjoy it.

Alfster,

Flirt City (twinned with Top Totty Town)

Is this thread getting too deep?

"to ensure I don't contract clap, AIDS or fatherhood.

Contract fatherhood

didnt know it was catching

<> Yes, he was quite proud of that phrase .

<>

I think a great deal of people do it for an ego boost but what SoRB was talking about was purely a physical 'f*ck'. And how much of an ego boost isit if the person doesn't want to talk to you the next day or even leaves before you get up. Apparently SoRB has done this.

Alex.

Excellent. No stupid small talk to have to think of and you save on a breakfast. You are making this scenario sound better and better.

OK. I give up.

Alex.

Mind if I butt, um I mean, join in?

I personally find it odd and more than somewhat personally insulting (on both sides) to simply 'boff' someone as if they were only a convenient body, not actually a person. Likewise, to allow oneself to be 'boffed' in such a manner.

<> (Alfster)

So, a similar situation as to when someone hires a prostitute, except you didn't have to pay for it? How 'excellent'!

What men often tend to forget is that the sex act itself is quite a different thing for women, speaking strictly in a physical sense, but with other implications.

A man has this external 'appendage' that is both of and yet outside his body. Sticking it into something or someone is quite a different human experience to accepting a part of someone else's body within one's own body (which of course is what women experience).

Just to say that even physically speaking, the basic sex act is a very different thing for men and women. And I reckon this is why men can be much more emotionally detached whilst 'boffing' than women usually can.

When I've had very casual sex I've usually preferred that no 'penetration' happen. And of course there are many ways that people can enjoy themselves sexually without 'sticking it in'. Somehow, having someone in this situation not actually enter my body made me feel like things were more equal. That we'd both enjoyed each other, had a pleasant time, no pasa nada.

I think Alex may understand what I mean. Not sure if you guys here will get it (other than blicky) based on what has been posted so far.


az

Oh, I don't know. Meals, drinks, cinema/theatre tickets can be fairly pricey.



Hu! Thanks!

As Alex started sh*t stirring at the top might it actually be that I am not exactly being totally serious here? (in the confines of SoRB's PS where I won't get jumped on for being a total sexist out-for-it bar steward).

I know exactly what you mean.#

<(other than blicky)>

So, Bliky is at one with his feminie side? and ubderstands the inner works and needs and wants of women more than other men? Hell, you should see my feminine side: my lingerie collection is famed throughout my bedroom.

<>

Well, I suppose that if your only motivation for doing all that was to get a 'boff' in the end that you'd probably have done better financially speaking to hire a prostitute.

<>

I did say that I was only basing that opinion on what has been posted here so far.

<>

Case in point. Sh*t stirring? Interesting way of describing a personal challenge to someone.


az

<<>

Case in point. Sh*t stirring? Interesting way of describing a personal challenge to someone.>

Alex:

Winding up = sh*t stirring?

Winding up is about teasing and/or annoying someone.

Sh*t stirring is about digging up past sh*t and making it smell fresh by stirring it.


az

OK, Ms Semantics, you win.

Yay!

From post 13 <> (Alex)

So good, made my point, so let's start again, shall we?


az