h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

-rolling down the window of his fantastic Rolls Royce-

But do you have any Grey Poupon?

as a matter of fact... i have a caseful!
but it's currently pretending it's peanut butter, bumming it i suppose. the high life isn't always all it's cracked up to be, so i humour it through these phases. last week was the existential "we're only empty jars" phase.

Can a jar actually ever really be empty? Even if there were a vacuum in the jar, would not the vacuum be existing within the jar, thereby not being empty?
Now if they were pretending to be soy nut butter, then I would suggest you had an eccentric case of mustard.
Me, I's just looking for something to put on my toast!

i don't believe your argument really has any merit, since a vacuum likely wouldn't fit in a jar. not even one of those little dustbuster thingies could be squeezed into one. and why would you even want to bother? and even if there were a jar big enough, i would think it would be better to put something else in a giant jar instead, like laundry or jello.

you're not allowed to put mustard or soy nut butter on toast. it just doesn't work with the colour scheme in my world.

I think I may have a soloution to both problems...

food colouring.
(fits nicely into a jar, solves any colour coordination problems.)

artificiality isn't really allowed in my world. not on that basic level anyway. if it's really extreme, then it is acceptable. besides, food colouring in a jar in my kitchen is too dangerous -- it's a teensy kitchen, very white (not including the splatter stains) and combined with the fact that i'm a clutz, it's just begging for disaster.

ok