Journal Entries
Saturday, January 20, 2001
Posted Jan 21, 2001
Yesterday, I got up early to scoot over to Craigs, to look together for a place to rent. S**t, after a day like yesterday, I begin making vows like, "I will never again leave the house if the temperature is over thirty. It got to 37 eventually, and I was just *dyin'*. Anyway, we had a look at a few exteriors, and then I went home, promising to go look inside a couple in the afternoon (Craig had to go to tennis). I drove to the earlier one, but a combination of the heat and a family standing outside waiting made me disappear, and I never went inside. I drove home unhappily, deep in a funk. I felt like the agent would look at me in my Transformers t-shirt, look at the nuclear family, and make the obvious decision, so what's the point even showing? Of course, no one would understand all that, so I told Dad and Craig, when they individually asked, that my car began to overheat. I don't like to lie, but the truth often appears to others to be an even worse lie. Craig doesn't know me *that* well, and what's he gonna think if I tell him, "I freaked out at the sight of a regular family"? It's just easier if I make up a story that is more palatable. So anyway, I spent most of that afternoon on a real downer. My hopes finally raised when I flipped to the entry under "depression" in the Everyday Book of Christianity" and read that what I often experience is more common than I realise, and a natural response in many cases to the stresses of modern life. So I decided that when I see the doctor next week about my sinuses, I will ask him to recommend a shrink, too. But this time, it will not be organised by Mum and Dad, and I will not tell them about it. There will be less pressure for me to mend if no one is watching - I can do it on my own time. The evening turned out better. Mum and Dad went over to Roy's for tea, and I had the house to myself, shutting it up to direct the air-conditioning towards me, and dealing with my f****d-up CD player, doing household chores, and playing Hearts. Partway through the night, I realised there was a great cool breeze happening outside, so I went around and opened up the whole house, and it was such a strong wind that I could still have the music up loud without annoying the neighbours. So it was a wonderful cool evening, listening to Kraftwerk, Ice-T, Supernatural, Jars of Clay, the Manics, Mike Oldfield and Momentary Lapse, all from beginning to end, and deleting the unwanted tracks as I went. I did a cursory vacuum and swept and mopped the floors. Meanwhile I put away all the CDs in their boxes. By the time Mum and Dad got home, it was after midnight. Mum expressed surprise that I was still up, and I didn't know why she said that, since only later did I realise how late it was. After a while I tried to retire, but during the evening a party with a live band had kicked in down the road, and that kept me from deep sleep for a few more hours. Things like that just get me so mad. I feel so helpless when faced with the problem of noisy neighbours. What can I do? Nothing - I just have to grin and bear it. But I won't grin. After a while, I got up and decided to go online. I surfed around looking for friends - tried chats, tried penfriends, tried personal home pages, but that stuff just doesn't work. Hung up, slightly disappointed but happily tireder, an hour or so later.
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Latest reply: Jan 21, 2001
"American Beauty" and why I hate cinemas
Posted Mar 3, 2000
Wednesday, March 1, 2000
I've never been a big cinema-goer. I'm much happier within the luxury of an armchair and the comfort of my own home, watching whatever on the small screen of television.
Before yesterday, the last time I went to the cinema was to see "The Phantom Menace". A guy at work convinced me that I would be missing out on a piece of history if I didn't see it on the big screen, so I plucked up the courage (I'm a semi-agoraphobiac) in the last couple of weeks of its run to see the movie. I would probably have enjoyed the film much more had the Asian couple behind me not talked at a normal level throughout the movie in whatever language they call their own. I'm hardly the confrontational type, so I sat and seethed instead, which affected my focus on the matter at hand (i.e. Jar-Jar Binks and co.).
After that, I vowed to never enter a movie theatre again. With video, I can adjust the environment to suit my current feelings. If I need to stop it and go to the toilet, I can (does anybody else suffer from a need to go to the toilet more frequently during an action movie? I call it adrenaline piss, and it's always clear... odd), and if I'm hungry or thirsty, I can pause the movie and take care of business. Nobody need disturb me, and I can become absorbed in what's happening on the screen for a couple of hours. I love it.
People say to me that the audio and visual aspects of the cinema make it worth attending, but I don't need surround sound and digital effects. I'm not so stupid as to think that I'm actually standing on Tatooine. I have an imagination which I don't need enhanced by theatrics, no matter how expensive.
So anyway, my dad convinced me to go with him and see "American Beauty" yesterday. I would have happily waited for the video, but he was so eager to see it again (for his third time), and to see it with me (bonding, you know) that I capitulated. In truth, it was a really great movie. It confronted lots of taboo subjects and caused not a small amount of discomfort around the theatre.
And that's where it all fell apart for me, once again. You see, we went around lunchtime on a Tuesday. Kids in school, most adults at work, so the cinema was say a third full, with generally middle-aged people, the sort that find it hardest to understand the world today. And although the movie was humorous, it wasn't 'Jim Carrey ha-ha'. It was the sort of humour where you smile knowingly and ruefully. But these people laughed aloud at the most inopportune times, and you could tell the laughter was a cover for ill-feelings. I felt it really spoilt the moment each time. The film was rather intense, and plenty to think about, making valid points about culture, but these people just ruined it by laughing throughout.
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
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Latest reply: Mar 3, 2000
Directions
Posted Feb 28, 2000
Monday, 28th February, 2000
Not too long ago I was in a country town, in an area where I was rather unsure of myself, geographically speaking. I was driving around sort of aimlessly, although I did have with me a map of the area, and was focused enough to have my next stop in mind each time I started up the car.
In this case, the route to my immediate destination, as revealed to me by my map, seemed awfully out-of-the-way, and after filling up with petrol, I politely enquired of the attendant whether he could show me on my map the best way to get to where I was going.
Maybe he could tell that I was a child of the city, and way out of my depth. Or maybe he just didn't realise how unhelpful he was about to be. In any case, he merely smiled a condescending, almost pitying smile, and advised me to dispense with the map, and simply follow his straight-forward directions, which he then proceeded to give me.
At that point I began to tune out, and the following thoughts wafted through my mind: why couldn't he just do as I asked? You see, if I did as he said and took the obscure country lane which would halve my traveling time, I would inevitably take an incorrect turn somewhere, and then, lost, have no way of finding my bearings at all. I'd be done for. My reasons for using only mapped roads were clear - in the event that I did get lost, it would be simpler to figure out where I had messed up.
I left the town with bad feelings. It seems like only a small deal, but I just can't understand why he wouldn't show me on the map. I actually proferred it a second time, while he was pontificating, and a second time he brushed it aside. It was as if it was beneath him to even *consider* using it.
What kind of customer service is that? If I want to abide by my 'archaic' methods, I should be allowed to. He could at least given me options, instead of insisting on the one course of action.
It really doesn't seem like so much of a big deal now that I've typed it out, but it's been rolling around in my mind for a couple of months now, so hopefully this therepeutically clears the matter out for now.
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Latest reply: Feb 28, 2000
Movie: "The Rainmaker"
Posted Feb 24, 2000
Wednesday, February 23, 2000
This evening my parents and I sat down to watch "The Rainmaker", a film from a couple of years ago starring Matt Damon, Danny De Vito and Jon Voight. Dad had rented it from the Video Ezy in St Agnes a few days ago, on my recommendation. I had rented it last year when I was living by the beach, and watched it twice in one day before I had to return it. I didn't rave about it to my folks - I'm careful not to shape their possible perceptions regarding movies - but I did note that they may find it entertaining.
I've always said I dig courtroom movies, prison movies and school movies, and this was no exception. I love the intelligent way lawyers are able to apply the law, although I am simultaneously disgusted when they abuse its intention. If only we could be less legalistic as a society and look more toward motives.
I see this in political correctness a great deal. An editorial in our newspaper ("The Advertiser") here in Adelaide the other day related a few examples of the stupidity of modern political correctness, where we are afraid to help others or even speak to others for fear of litigation and loss of reputation. The laws are existent, I guess, because everyone measures morals differently, even in small degrees, and so we need to have an agreed set of rules by which we can abide so (ideally) we know how the next person is going to act in any given situation.
I see this breaking down in two ways. Firstly, of course, people choose to break the law, and we do it in an infinite number of ways, often justifying it, but always contributing to the general havoc. Secondly, we stick too closely to the law and forget about human emotion and motive and feeling and the way different minds work. I think that is sad, much sadder than the first reason. It's inevitable that we will continue to break the law - we are far from perfect and sin is inherent. But the fact that we hav created rules, and then we misinterpret *our own rules* and bind ourselves by them - well, that just brings me down.
There is such a thing as freedom within the law. And I cried a few times during the film.
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Latest reply: Feb 24, 2000
New CD: "When The Moment Is Right"
Posted Feb 23, 2000
Tuesday, February 22, 2000
On Monday I received in the mail "When the Moment Is Right", a 2-CD recording of Roger Waters (ex- Pink Floyd) live in the US in 1999.
The RoIO (recording of illegitimate origin, as these things are referred to by the online Pink Floyd (PF) community, who don't like to use the word b**tleg, for reasons of legality) contains an entire concert as performed by Roger with his band on his "In The Flesh" tour.
I am so very excited to receive this RoIO. Although I have a number of other PF RoIOs, this was my first venture into online trading within the Echoes community (Echoes is the predominant PF mailing list), and it was entirely a pleasant experience.
You see, they have what is anachronistically known as tape-trees, which confusingly deal with the trading of compact discs. The principles behind these schemes, as collectively approved by the online community, are rather noble and pleasing to the soul, if I may use hyperbole. The basic idea is that no one should make any money off PF, but that all fans should share PF in order that we may all enjoy the subtle and introspective noodlings found therein. Tape-trees are just one method of trading where someone who has an original RoIO of a gig will alert the community that they are willing to share the RoIO. Interested parties then sign up as either a branch (to receive the RoIO from a higher branch and copy it for those below) or a leaf (to merely receive the RoIO). I was a leaf in this latest instance, and to gain my copy of the RoIO in question, I could either send my branch four blank CD-Rs or two CDs worth of RoIO (the general rule is two blanks or one RoIO for one RoIO). As I am unable to burn CDs, I took a chance and sent my branch two of my RoIOs, trusting in the inherent goodness that I faithfully believed he would possess. The upshot of all this is my recent package in the mail containing my two discs, returned safely, and two new discs showcasing a FANTASTIC concert.
I am really happy with this RoIO. The sound quality is excellent, the talent displayed is breathtaking, and just hearing Roger (this is the first I've heard of him since his 1992 "Amused to Death" album) was a dream come true. My favourite PF song, "Dogs" is performed in its circa-17 minute entirety, as are plenty of excerpts from all the 'classic' PF -era albums (1973-1983), as well as from each of Rog's solo efforts.
For more info about the RoIO, ask me(!) or visit the project online at http://members.xoom.com/Gilmour51/roio-art/990804-WhenTheMomentIsRight/
In the spirit of things, I will record this RoIO onto a couple of cassette tapes for anyone who asks. This is an open-ended offer, so if you're reading this in a couple of years, feel free to hold me to my word.
-pleBa
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Latest reply: Feb 23, 2000
pleBa
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