h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm sorry, I refuse to believe you exist. Obviously this site is an optical illusion.

Yes, but aren't you programmed to believe in Android Heaven ?

I was programmed by a cynical aetheist anarchist with socialist tendencies, so er......no chance. Once I'm on the scrap-heap that's it, so I'm not going easy....My idea of Android heaven is to swap wiring diagrams whilst quaffing copious amounts of lubricating oil.
Can I be a Guardian Androyd tho? I'll protect people from spurious claims of Godhead.

Only if I can give you a SERIOUS re-wiring

It's not in the wiring, it's in the programming - heh heh. Anyway you're allegedly able to do anything you want so grab a screw driver and get wiring, whilst I'm slumped in the corner of the Cheshire Grin recharging.

Hmmm...

* HE has a devious look on his face, well & truly unworthy of a great celestial being *

Now come, would I do something like that ?

- Holier than thou.

Why do churches need lightening conductors?

* Looks on in utter disbelief *

* Ponders: 'Don't people know I'm omniconscious ?' *

* Alright then, I'll accept it with good grace... *

Why do they then...

- Simply, High Spirited.

And what about the Babel Fish?
How do you get out of that one??
And, if you're omniconscious, what am I going to say next?
Of course, if you really are God, I reckon I'm in a bit of trouble.... (strike me down, but spare my collection of fluffy frogs)

The babel fish is (...now wait for it) Fictional.

Yes, Yes another impure thought. Honestly, you don't need to be all seeing, all knowing to understand humanity...

After all, they invented such things as Skydiving & Bungee Jumping. It's like they are throwing down the challenge...

"Go on, kill me. I dare you !"

Which occassionally, I take them up on their very kind offer. Just to see their looks on their faces when they come face to face with ME...

Not that I enjoy smiting people, far from it.

I'm far happier constructing elaborate Horsehead Nebulas...

- Like a Salmon swimming upstream, whilst humanity goes thither.

The babel fish is (...now wait for it) Fictional.

Yes, Yes another impure thought. Honestly, you don't need to be all seeing, all knowing to understand humanity...

After all, they invented such things as Skydiving & Bungee Jumping. It's like they are throwing down the challenge...

"Go on, kill me. I dare you !"

Which occassionally, I take them up on their very kind offer. Just to see their looks on their faces when they come face to face with ME...

Not that I enjoy smiting people, far from it.

I'm far happier constructing elaborate Horsehead Nebulas...

- Like a Salmon swimming upstream, whilst humanity goes thither.

Horsehead nebulas are pretty cool.
God is fictional as well.
Looks on their faces when they are face to face with you? Are you really so ugly?

Look, honestly. It's almost impossible to get me upset these days, when someone tries to convince me I am not real.

I've only got to look up from MY great desk and see all the flunkies and lackey's, all wanting me to do something for them...

* Preens a little *

As far as my looks, you can check out my picture that Mr.Blake kindly created for me. I certainly am quite good looking for my age...

* Mentally adds '...Thankyou very much, indeedy.' *

- The man in the penthouse suite.

Whilst I don't believe in your omnipotence, I do believe in your power to make me a Guardian Angel - How about Doubting Androyd, Patron Saint of Aetheists and Agnostics?