h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A Very Odd Essay on U. S. History I Wrote Today

Posted Mar 9, 2000

Articles of Confederation Essay

The Articles of Confederation was not a good government because the states had too much freedom. Since America’s worst fear was becoming a monarchy like England, they wanted to make sure congress didn’t have too much control over the states. The government was upset at the people because they weren’t cooperating and refused to come to any sensible agreements, so the officials started to take action. They began silencing groups such as Shay’s Rebellion and became highly intolerant of other protests such as Shay’s Sister-in-law’s Rebellion. Many people were killed with cannons, guns, and other cooking utensils.
George Washington (It was actually someone else, but let’s just say it was George Washington because we know who he is) decided that if any progress was to be made, the Articles of Confederation should be replaced by a different plan. Thus the Virginia plan was invented. The Virginia plan was a government system with three branches: legislative, judicial, and executive. The plan was presented at a conventional congress meeting where other representatives agreed it was worth considering, but had certain questions. For example: What would happen if one branch got too powerful? How would the executive branch be elected? And do hippos really live in the Nile? Washington answered all the questions reasonably (Except for the last one, he kicked that guy out of the meeting) and the other delegates decided to give the Virginia plan a go. However, Washington said there were a couple things they needed to do for him if they were going to use his plan. One: He wanted to be the first president, and two: He wanted to chop down all their cherry trees. The delegates had some valid questions about that, such as: Wasn’t it enough that they agreed to use his plan? Did he really have the right to demand that? And, if hippos lived in the Nile, wouldn’t the crocodiles eat them? After kicking out the guy who asked the last question, Washington took out a rifle and patiently explained that he would shoot them all if they didn’t agree to his demands. After discussing the matter, the delegates decided they would rather have this lunatic as their president and part with all their beloved cherry trees than be shot. So, Washington became the father of the country, and now you know why all the children of the country are so messed up.

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