h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

**TAN-TA-RA**
[a messenger in formal livery appears]
HRH, the Dragon Queen of Damogran sends notice that your kind offer of service to the Court of Damogran has been greatfully accepted.

Whereas,
the Royal Court finds itself dangerously without a Guard
Dog.

And Whereas,
The Scottie breed is known for both it's toughness and
loyalty, and it's ability as an... erm...'ratter'.

We decree that Ragnar shall henceforth, and from now on, be known as the Royal Guard Dog of Damogran, with all the rights and privileges that the rank includes!

We suggest that you report to Old Wolf [if he ever returns from the recent Quest he went on with Sir Spiny] and discuss the various duties that your position entails. And also the appropriate rewards, treasure and other stuff you require as compensation for your highly valued work.

Your position also assures you of comfortable living quarters in your own wing of the Castle. [NOT the dog house] And the Royal Cooks will make sure that any special dietary needs will be met. Just ask 'em. And if you like cake, be sure to see Aednr, the Mad Hatter--wow! wadda baker she is!

At your convenience, we will formally welcome you to Court when you have made the long and arduous journey from Scotland to Damogran. Just present yourself in the most recent Queen's Court. There's also usually a lotta food, drink and interesting stuff going on in Court.

}:=8
[seal stamps Royal decree]

PS. er...ah...there is this matter of 'cats' and 'mice'. We understand your position completely, but would point out that there is at least on member of the Royal Court who is somewhat feline [Greebo T. Cat] and one Royal Mousie [Anonymouse]. These are honored members of the Court and we are sure that your natural inclinations and abilities will only be to protect ALL members of the Court. They dont look anything like scullery rats [or cats], anyway. Oh, yes, and seals dont resemble scullery rats, either, so there shouldnt be a problem there.