h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My Ellie decided she couldn't love me so she dumped me.

I am destroyed.

I love her deeply and feel so hurt, lost, and betrayed. She texted and then phoned me up to tell me, didn’t even have the respect to do it face-to-face with me.

She’s now claiming that I never made her happy , although it was widely known that I had made her the happiest anyone had ever seen. Luckily for me, we were not engaged in any activity of a sexual nature. Otherwise I would be even more hurt, as I am still a virgin as I believe in chastity before marriage.

I had no sleep on Sunday night, I cried all night long, begging her to take me back until midnight, and then crying alone for the rest of the night. As some of you know, I have invested a lot of time and effort into making our relationship actually work, and now… Well, I went and saw the school guidance councillor yesterday for one-and-a-half hours. Before then, I could not concentrate; every breath was a struggle not to cry. Now though…. I burn inside with ice-fire. For me, when I love someone the pain never goes away when they leave. I feel ashamed and degraded. She made me feel that I could never be loved by anyone with what she said about me, that I was basically worthless. She claims she still wants to be friends, but I know her too well to believe that she will still even want to be near me.

I do not cry for her now. My tears for her were all spilled. I am still sad, still hurt, still burning. But I love her so, so, so much. This makes it even worse, for she will not take me back. She never will. Friday night, the first night I see her, will be very hard for me. Very hard indeed. At least I will be with my friends at the time, people who would always support me. The problem is that, even if she changes her mind, my parents have decided that she has had her chance. My family apparently thought she was a self-absorbed controlling bitch. I knew that, but I didn’t care. Whilst I was with her, she made me feel worthwhile. Something that has been missing from my life for a long time, as those that know the tale of Ursula will know. Ellie actually made me feel as if I had an looking out for me. There is a picture of us together at her school ball at http://www.schmuse.co.nz/widgets/photobrowser/show.html?img=schmuse/Scene_Out_and_About/Fraser_High_Ball_June_30th/IMG_1795.jpg and to me, she was, and still is, the most beautiful woman who ever lived. I now feel used.

But I will no longer beg to be taken back. My councillor told me that, apart from increasing the level of hurt that we are both feeling, it is bad for me to do so, as it leads to increased risk of harm, as I would get an unhealthy obsession with her, and even if we did get back together, it wouldn’t last. My mother added that Ellie would also at a subconscious level at least want me to beg, so she could feel important when she rejected me. As my mother is a registered psychologist, she knows that she is talking about. She called it 16-year-old female syndrome, and said that is quite common for girls of that age to dump their boyfriends after the ball season, as they no longer need someone to make them look good.

Inside I hurt. Outside I will put on a brave face; I am good at hiding my emotions, and now is the time I need to most. Friday will be hard, but I will get through it. For get through it I must. I will need my fluffy duck pencil case to do it, as he is helping me through this time, but I will do it. I no longer feel so much sadness, now I feel acceptance for this thing. It was her decision, and I cannot force her back to me. As much as it burns me to do so, I will let her free. As the old adage says, if you love someone, then let them go.




…………………………I only wish I could stop loving her…………………………

Give it time kiddo.

Your mum is right. Why do you want to set yourself up to get hurt again?

Just take everything a step at a time.

You are loveable sweetheart.

You are also young though and this is the time when you date lots of people to learn about yourself and to learn about what suits you. I dated over 80 men before I settled down with my husband, maybe thats a lot though?! I cried over some and hated others, I don't regret any though, it was a learning process and it was fun, each relationship taught me something even if only to never touch that man with a barge pole!

I have met many men who get very upset at each ending and promise never to date again, it seems men feel it more than women, who except that dating is a continuous process of beginings and endings. Don't let the opinion of one women colour how you feel about yourself. You have other friends, she is just hurting you a bit extra to get the message across, its a normal dating practice. It lets you know its truely over and she doesn't want you to keep trying, thats all. Give her some time and she will appreciate you as a friend again and you will realise that the things she says now are temporary.

Good luck, lick your wounds, and get out there again and dazzle someone else! You may have to dazzle many, before you meet the one, its all part of the fun.

Oh, poor you!

It's really horrible, no denying that & it will make you feel for quite some time; all you can do is be brave & distract yourself with whatever works for you, music is good.

You are lucky to have a mum who understands!

Do realise that she (Ellie) may be having a bad time too; sometimes even if you realise the relationship isn't working & decide to end it, you may very much miss the person & feel for them, but have to be strong & say "No, no & no!" or it simply prolongs the agony.

I like the sound of that fluffy duck pencil case!

zdt

Thanks guys. And yes, I did realise that, it was discussed in my 1hr 30min session with the school guidance councillor. I don't have time to write this out properly, so I'll do it in a while.

Thanks for caring guys, it means a lot to me. I still love ellie, and I probably will never lose that. But I have forgiven her. My only hope is that she has forgiven herself so we can soon be friends again. It hurts inside, but I will not tell her about it. I will just go on as I am, caring about her as much as my other friends now, instead of holding her above them.

You're 16 years old. You have the rest of yoour life to look forward to. Dating a girl for 3 months in the scheme of things is very short. I may sound a little hardened, but I'm saying it from experience.

Trust me. Relationships at that age are strange. Girls play games (granted we play games the older we get too), but girls although they think they're mature aren't always that way.

You're a decent guy. Remember that you have so much to offer to any girl. Ellie threw that away. Her loss. Someone else's gain. Trust me when I say things will get better, and you will get over her.

Your first love will always be special. Because it is just that, your FIRST love..

The LOVE of your LIFE is yet to come along


lil xx

I'm 17. And I know. Actually my first love was when I was 6-8 with a girl called Emma. I even memorised Shakespeare for her. Not that she understood it. Ellie though was special, and our relationship was kinda exactly the opposite of on the rocks when it happened.

Young love can be very fickle.. Actually, some never change as they grow older, either

I would do anything to have her back, knowing at the same time that it could never be the same. Sometimes I wish I could do the stuff like in The Butterfly Effect.

Who knows what the future may bring? Give yourselves some space, get out there and enjoy yourself. A couple of months can make all the difference.

Thanks, i will. I still want to be able to do the Butterfly Effect thing though, it would be cool lol.

I've heard of the name... but never seen the film..

I've never heard of it, do tell me more!

zdt

Basically he came unstuck in time and can go back and change things about his life, then return to where he left and see what effect the change had.

If he didn't like the effect, could he undo it & try something else?

zdt

Aaah.. but the changes will only be for the moment.

The consequences could be far greater

Yes. That is the point of the movie I think.. Anyway, thanks guys.

You're welcome hunny