h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There were times when I THOUGHT I was in love before, but it was always something other than love. This time felt different from the beginning. You know how people say "We just knew" when they meet the right person? Well, it was like that. I just knew.

I'll let you in on a secret, Toker, if you promise not to laugh. I met him on the 'net. Not in a chat room (I've never even been IN a chat room, til I found H2G2--about 1 month ago). It was on a penpal posting. He posted because he was traveling and wanted to meet people in the places he was going. I replied in a fit of boredom on a Friday evening, with the idea that it would be interesting to talk to someone from another country. Daily e-mails turned into phone-calls, which turned into a visit, with another planned for this coming February.

We were talking for nearly a year, by phone and e-mail, before we even met. I can honestly say that because of that, I think I know him better than I've ever know anyone in my life. So friendship is the better part of our odd love affair; any lust involved was surely not based on physical attraction until the end of this October.

The odd thing is that I'm not even much of a computer person. The odder thing is that he was dating someone for a few months in the spring. They broke up, in part, because he accidentally caller her by my name.... (my real name, NOT "Bill" )

So now you may think I'm one of those nutters you hear about... but no, I have friends and family and a good job (and even men who are interested in me) in the real live world. But love, as they say, is unpredictable.

Hey, you promised not to laugh....

No laughter here, my dear friend. But a nice warm glow. Thanks for telling me that.

It is a strange thing that the traditional dating business is being turned on its head. Written communication first, then oral, then meeting. A bit different to going to the pub, seeing someone you find attractive, going through all sorts of complex processes to get to talk and then finding that you have not a single thing in common.

I guess February will be a quiet month around here!

The funny thing is, I tend to express myself better in writing than in person, (at least until I know someone really well), so I probably told him things about myself that I wouldn't have told him for ages if we met in the traditional sense.

And the nice thing is, we spent months basically explaining ourselves to each other. Things like "When I do such-and-such, it may seem like I'm angry/insensitive/distant/etc, but it REALLY means....." So we sort of know each other's little defenses, and how to work around them.

I can say that it has been an experiment in communication (not being able to rely on facial cues means having to express your ideas clearly. Not being able to rely on touches and kisses means having to express your feelings even more clearly, or risk having the other person think you don't care). So far, I have to say it's been a pleasant experiment. Still, I wouldn't recommend it to everyone. There are lots of long nights, and it takes an incredible leap of trust which I didn't know until now that I was capable of.

And I've been through the "physical attraction/ nothing in common" thing before, and found it, as a rule, to be generally disheartening.

I can see that, Bill. And especially the third paragraph. It is so easy to be misinterpreted in print alone. One does have to be very careful; a joke can be easily taken as an insult, when not supported by facial expressions or tone of voice. I do not like the 'LOL's and other abbreviations, but they are sometimes needed. Although this problem could simply be that some of us have a slightly off-planet sense of humour.

People have also told me that some use this means of communication to construct completely fictious selves, bearing no relation to the one sitting at the PC. Now that is weird.

Hmmmm... it took me the better part of my life to figure out who I wanted to be in real life; why would I confuse the issue by trying to be someone els on-line?

No, I may experiment with different ways of expressing myself, but by and large, if I say "pours tea for everyone", it's because that's what I'd be doing if you stopped by my real house.

(Of course, if you DID stop by my house unannounced, I might find it a bit alarming..... case in point:

(knock, knock, knock)
(bp answers door)

"Erm, hello...?"

"Hi!! (cheerful smile). It's (insert real name here). But you probably know me better as Toker. I've flown from England to have some tea..."

See...? Alarming.) Hahaha.

Right. Time for my evening e-mails.

Freaky kids stuff, indeed. And no biccies to go with this lovely cup of tea?

I think that my trouble was that I didn't try to figure out anything much; just got on with the daily grind. Now, opportunities have presented themselves to me and I have embraced them and we are going off exploring together. Exciting and a bit scary times ahead.

Have survived the office party pretty well intact. Had to come home this morning though, to check the house; bit of a problem yesterday with water coming in; melting snow was the cause. All okay, but shall I go to to work now, or not. Sod it. Don't think I'll bother.

Here, let me help you get this water mopped up....

So I'm wondering how "Date #2" went. And I'm a bit jealous of the fact that you get to go on a real date. Dating in the same time zone DOES have its rewards...

Off now to finish wrapping. I think I'll have some tea, and perhaps watch "The Sound of Music." Ah, now you see I'm really a traditionalist at heart....

Merry Christmas to you and yours. May the season bring you happiness, and the New Year bring you all your most sacred desires.

Christmas is almost upon us now and so to Billy and Alice from Toker and Alice, comes our wish that you have a wonderful time, despite being a loved-one short of the full set. And thank you for being my friend.

Same time zone, indeed; I had to drive for 30 minutes to see her! It was worth the effort. And that is as much as I am prepared to disclose at present. Still, not long 'til Monday!

Well, hello Toker!! Long time no see. The holidays have had me busy, but it's back to work tomorrow. This little break has made me realize just how much I don't like my job....

I had a lovely Christmas (even if I am, as you mentioned, a loved-one short of the full set.) Only 51 days til I pick up the other half of the set at the airport. Not that I'm counting, or anything.

I've been wondering how things are with your new romantic interest. Just be careful; the holidays can skew your perception, so my only advice would be to move slowly on the matter.

I've missed you and bluDragon. Hope her computer's fixed soon. So pop over for some tea and Christmas cookies when you get some free time.

bp

I am back at work tomorrow Bill, Wednesday. As with you, it is an unhappy prospect.

It is romance with a capital R. Like yours, but without the unbearable delays between meetings. I don't know how you can stand it; I am finding 24 hours almost impossible.

Has he been to see you before, on 'home territory'? And will he be able to stay for long? Of course, the better it is, the more unbearable will be the subsequent seperation.

Best keep yourself busy, in the meantime. Make a quilt or something.

So, Romance is back for the new century...

I must admit that there is nothing better in the world than being in love. Glad to find yours is going well.

Shawn has been here once. We met in New York City (very romantic, we did the Empire State Building thing and all), and then came back here for a few days. He will be in for one week in mid-February.

Yes, the time apart can be unbearable. The worst was the first day after he left. One week together, and already my life seemed more normal with him than without him. So we try to not focus on the missing each other parts, and focus more on the fact that we are lucky indeed to have found each other at all.... The only thing that makes it bearable is that he is my best friend. And surprisingly, considering how he and I met, all my friends here are more than supportive. Closet romantics the lot of them, no matter how cynical they may appear on the surface.

So we send long e-mails, and run up hundred-dollar phone bills, and try really hard to take things slowly. I'm cautious by nature. He is divorced, and so is cautious by experience. But every day we are apart, it becomes harder and harder to avoid asking a question that begins with "Will you" and ends with "marry me." Because in the end, considering we're in different countries, the only two options are to go our separate ways, or to tie the knot. And I never thought I was the marrying kind. Ho-hum. Still, we have a two-year plan that we are trying very hard to stick to. It involves money and bills and adjusting gradually to the idea of one of us giving up his British citizenship. Yes, I'm cautious by nature. But I really think this is the real deal.

And Toker, I am pleased to announce that there is a new member of my household. Delivered by the local florist as a belated housewarming gift from a nearby friend, it is a 4-1/2 foot something-or-other cane tree. A large potted thing, nearly as tall as I, which has taken up cheerful residence near my soon-to-be-departed Christmas tree. As the Christmas tree is called "Frasier" (or at least they told me that was his name at the lot where I got him. Perhaps that was just the TYPE of tree...?) I'm thinking of calling the new guest "Niles". Makes sense to me.

With that, I'm back to the beach.

Only one week in February? I assumed that it would be a two or three weeks visit; with time to do routine things together. You will both be in such a high state of excitement the whole time. How will you slow time down? Remember the guy in Catch 22 who was trying to live for ever; but cultivating boredom does not really seem a possibility in your case. On date #3 (Monday), we played Balderdash with Alice. On date #4 (tonight) we shall be without a chaperon. Jealous or what!?

Talking of cultivation; a 'housewarming tree'? Do you mean you lop off branches to throw on the fire?

Ooooh, how DARE you threaten to burn Niles!!! No, he's lovely. He sits by the window looking all green and cheerful.

Yes, only a week in February. Longer would be lovely, but that would mean the next visit would have to be a good six months later. We both have work, you see, with limited vacation time. As a matter of fact, I've recently started a new job, and have no vacation time. So last time he was in, we DID do routine things. I got up in the morning and went to work. We made dinner, he did laundry and ironing, and had time to do his own thing during the day. We are basically making our own rules as we go. I have this idea that at some point we will have a "trial run" of a month or 6 weeks or so, as finances allow.

We have learned, then, to share the mundane parts of our lives with each other over the phone and through e-mail. It's not the same, true. But then again, most people don't reallys share the domestic things, like shopping and washing clothes, til they get married anyway.

Well, here's hoping the unchaperoned evening went well (!?!). Jealous...? Me...? No, not at all. (cough)

It is now almost 2pm on 31st. Sue has just set off to the south coast to stay with her sister tonight and I am heading in the other direction for a party. I reckon that in the time we have known each other (2 weeks tomorrow) we have spent something like 30 non-sleeping hours together. So, I suppose I should not feel so unhappy at being deprived of her company tonight. She is coming back tomorrow.

As for your Bill, my thoughts are with you. Have a wonderful 2000 and squeeze as much as you can into those too-brief times with the one you love.

Love, Tokes.

Well, Tokes m'dear, plans are already being made for the two of us to spend next Christmas and New Years together, right here. So keep your fingers crossed for us.

Hope you partied safely. Myself, I went to a very small gathering with a few friends, and I can honestly say that it was one of the nicer New Years Eves I've had. But I watched some of the international festivities on the telly, and London looked like the place to be, what with Big Ben chiming in the century and all those fireworks.

I hope the New Year brings you and Alice all you need, and enough of what you want to keep life interesting.

Peace,
bp

Monday morning, 9am. The last day before again resuming the struggle. But at least your day-count has come down a few more notches.

Do I have to keep these fingers crossed for the whole year? Could be a little inconvenient. And (it seems to me) a quite unnecessary precaution.

My dear Toker, it would appear you've been away.... Or shall I call you Prince Toker.

Hope your reasons for being absent are good tidings instead of bad. And that your new year is off to the best of starts....

bill

Dear Bill, I have been absent for the loveliest of reasons.

It was very gracious of HRH to bestow such honours upon us. I am about to go and offer my humble thanks.

I hope that your year too has started well.

Ah, Toker, glad to hear such joyous news. And yes, my new year has started well.

I'll be looking for you over at the Queen's Court. It's a lovely place. I've been helping Sir Shawn out of his armor....

Whilst helping Sir Shawn out of his armour is okay, you must stop disrobing him when you reach the chainmail undergarments and on no account are you allowed to look upon the official Knight's soft black leather posing pouch, which bears the Queen's coat of arms. A Royal Warrant is required for that and I understand that HRH is fresh out of those; she will not receive a new supply until next month.

Take care. I would not like to see you lose your head.