h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: That sinking feeling... - A86265147
Author: Deep Doo Doo - U1263973

Critics required for my first foray into the Underguide.

I've got around 10 or so Edited Entries, but I'd like to try something new.

Comments (good or bad), please.

Oh, I loved the surprising ending. I didn't see it come, but then I had a bit of a trouble to grasp who is who, and who is asking whom what. I'm sure that's just me, though.

I like this.

The comparison between the building and a lover is sufficiently close for the conceit to work.

To some extent, you get away with it by not really developing the characters. I wasn't sure whether the narrator was male or female.

I did get confused, however, with the mention of Mark. Maybe it would work better if you substituted Dad?

Thanks Bel and MVP

I'd like to develop this more - but not such that it goes on so long that the reader loses interest. I've always done Edited Guide stuff, and recent events have brought me back here, so I'm looking to expand my writing abilities.

This is why I mocked this piece up tonight - it's wholly related to events that are going on around me now - ie, my house is sinking, it's costing huge amounts of money to rebuild it and it's also 'talking' to me in a strange way after we've done so much previous work. It's not what we'd planned (or even thought would happen), but now it has, it seems the right thing to do.

Mark is me (although I'm not a Mark). Phinikoudes is Greek for 'Palm trees'. A lovely expression, but while we've got plenty of them, that's not the name of my house - we don't *do* house-naming - but it seemed suitable for this piece.

Adamos is the foreman - he doesn't do much either, but it *is* his job to make-sure the work is right. That's why I refer to him (loosely) as the consultant.

Does it need fleshing-out, or a better explanation of the characters? I'd like to keep it concise (maybe, maybe, maybe it'll make the Post), but I'm happy to work on it.

I note this is on Kerkyra? I know these houses. I lived in one in Athens. Earthquake damage.

You might give 'Dr Adamos' something pithy to say, although he probably said 'then pirazi'.

I don't think you want to make it any longer. It might spoil the joke, which I really like.

Thanks for doing this one.

Sorry, you said Cyprus, didn't you, not Kerkyra. (Sorry, it's hot over here, slow brain.)

I have it on good authority that would be very happy to have this.

Hey, Dmitri, no worries - it's hot here too - and we've lost a power-station, (along with some good-men) so no air-con allowed.

Thanks for that Bel. I'm still trying to get my old GuideML fingers back - I'll crack it in a few days and if the Post still need some dregs, this one will be here!

Great. If you want more input, we can just wait until you think you're happy with it.

Sympathies on the power situation. I remember brownouts in Xanthi - power coming from Bulgaria goes out when the water table goes down. Of course, we never had a/c there. (We didn't have washing machines or a fridge, either.

I adore this piece I think it is perfect just as it is, although I did have a sneaky feeling it was going to be about your house but not until near the very end. And this was only because I'd been paying attention to your other postings on h2g2.

The relationship between a house and its owner described this way is rather curious. I'm sitting here now, looking at my walls and wondering whether they have any thoughts they are keeping from me. I love it when someone's writing gets inside my head like that.

Brilliant Deep doo doo - and I hope that your power station will soon be fixed.


and thanks to Dmitri for making me come and read this Entry

Thanks, Lanzababy, for your encouraging comments.

I've made a few 'tweeks' and hopefully it's apparent now who is saying what to whom.

Perhaps if you could all have a re-read and let me know if it's time to remove this one from this review-forum and onwards up the chain.

I'm not sure where it goes after this - is there a 'Submit to Underguide' button anywhere?

Unfortunately not. (This is something that needs to be addressed, er, soon. Give the interim whatits time on this.) For UG, there should be a Miner pick, but at the moment, the Miners' picks are blunted.

In the meantime, once you (and friends) are happy with this, I'm expecting full exposure in in a couple of weeks, am I not right, Bel?

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Oops, I should have picked up on this comment earlier. That is *exactly* what our house is suffering from - it wasn't a major quake, but enough to make the walls and the floor shudder for a few seconds. Deakie was sitting on the sofa at the time and she was about to be hastily removed from the house before the whole-bloody-lot came down, but it wasn't necessary, thank Bob.

It's been listing ever since though, hence the major rebuild.

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See, h2g2 does work - it's just like my house.

I call it quirky.

Don't let Robbie hear you say that.

(This is something that needs to be addressed, er, soon. Give the interim whatits time on this.) For UG, there should be a Miner pick, but at the moment, the Miners' picks are blunted.
<<<<<

funny you should mention this Dmitri, I have just been musing over possible improvements to the system

I just thought the same thing, Dmitri.

Yes, it'll be in a future (tough for the UG).

Indeed! very tough for the UG. I just re-read it, and it is delightful the second time around, when you are 'in' on the joke. Great stuff!

Yes, I like it even better on re-reading.

I think the wry humour comes out more - or perhaps it's just because I know the end!

That's one of the best tricks with humour. To make it funny on a second reading.

Here is one of my favourite pieces to reread:

http://www.mtwain.com/Innocents_Abroad/10.html

Do a search and scroll down to where it begins 'Spain chastised the Moors five or six years ago, about a disputed piece
of property opposite Gibraltar, and captured the city of Tetouan.'

Trust me on this one. If you aren't on the floor after reading about the French minister's carpet, you must be made of iron.

And I agree, this piece here is cool.