h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Journey - A5512394
Author: human8471 - U1071908

'Journey' narrates about the life style of different shades of life.

Hello Human,

I hope you are having a nice day.

This 'Journey' you relate ( or narrate) to us is a vivid picture of your daily travel to your place of work; your office.
For me, personally,it is an eye-opener,for I have never witnessed such a place first-hand; only through the television or cinema screen. I have never travelled outside Europe, unlike my relatives. As these are scenes from your country, and you are so frank about the details of the poverty you see, and the comparative luxury in which you live, they are the more believable being from your own thoughts and experiences. Cameras can sometimes lie; or the producers, directors or cameramen behind them can distort the truth for their own political reasons. They chase their own agenda to tell their own versions of a story that may be far from the truth.
You write well, as I have said before. The fact that you relate such pictures to us gives your writing an edge and charm that overrides any small (and they are indeed small)weaknesses in your English expression.
But I shall venture to give you a few little pointers to help you on your glorious way as a colourful writer in our tongue:

When you refer to a slum building being destroyed, that building is said to be razed to the ground: in the figurative sense of being cut down by a 'razor', an image from shaving or 'razing' of a beard; as opposed to raised, which would suggest a contradiction of your intended meaning.
If possible in your excitement in, and enjoyment of your writing, try to be aware of your conjunctions and pronouns, which you miss out from time to time. This is only a formal requirement (theoretical) in that their absence does not detract from nor distort the meaning for us; we understand what you are saying with or without these points.


Ron

My fellow miner Frontiersman has said it all in his reply. I have nothing more to add other than to give my appreciation for the writer as well as another moving piece of writing.

Spynxxx

Hi Spynxxx,

Good to see you!

And thanks for your support, on behalf of human and myself, of course


Ron

Thank you FRONTIERSMAN,

Thanks for notifying me about my mistake. I always count those people a real well-wisher who points out the mistake.

I realised my silly mistake of 'RAISED', and on myself.

I try to follow your highlighted points. But over all I really appreciate your feed back and my silly mistakes doesn't stop me by writing just because of people like you are there to encourage.

Human

Hello and Thank you Spynxxx!