h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Female Sexual Tourism in a Tuscan Hilltop Town - A5286350
Author: Deeety - U767438

It’s all true…

Not sure if I really want to know, but tell us anyway - why Tuscan hilltop towns in particular - is it something in the water?



sprout

Why Tuscan Hilltop towns? I am not sure, news probably spread through the grapevine… Is there something in the water, well maybe although the local wine is more suspect…, I just don’t know, there could be millions of reasons..

For instance - Maybe they couldn’t afford a ticket to Jamaica

Oh… I don’t know the real answer to your question either but I suspect Darwin could give us a clue.

Ah, so this is the mid-budget version then?

I do like these glimpses into life in hilltop Tuscan towns.

I think this needs more research though, Researcher Deety. I think you should shoulder your hootoo towel, get out there into the market place and bring back some first hand anecdotes. Round this off nicely, that would .

Infiltrating the Porcini trade.

I had been put under pressure by a well known “underguide researcher” to produce a more detailed account, one with first hand anecdotes. I decided that the only way to achieve this was to see if I could pass myself off as a “Mushroom Boy.

I shaved off all my hair, put on a pair of tight jeans and an open neck shirt. Looking good but there was still something missing, so I dug out an old swimming medal I had won on a visit to a themed water park and placed it around my neck.

I was nearly ready but after looking at myself properly in a full length mirror it was obvious that my credentials weren’t quite up to it, luckily I still hadn’t thrown away my first ever mobile phone, so I slipped it deep into my left pocket… wow, I looked just like the real thing…

That afternoon I went to the local wine bar and sat down in the piazza with a cool glass of wine.. After a short while I noticed a nice middle aged lady dressed in knee length shorts and a Michelangelo tee-shirt meandering down the street. I stretched out my neck and tilted my head slightly to the left just managing to catch the Suns rays with the top of my head and reflect them towards my potential interviewee. She squinted, covered her eyes with her hand and looked towards me…

I waved and moved my head from side to side, you could say that in that moment in time I was the light in her eyes. I went towards her, apologised for causing her a visual discomfort and offered to buy her a glass of wine to make it up.

We sat down and she told me that she usually spent her summers in the Caribbean but had heard that she could have a similar holiday here, but without the hassle of having to listen to non stop reggae music, uncomfortable dunes and fine sand.

My disguise was working and the conversation turned towards the local fauna and soon became very botanical, I was very flattered but just like any good “news of the world reporter” I made my excuses and left.

Talking about mushrooms… for the last few weeks the place has been inundated by them.. normally they can only be found dried or if fresh with costs of up to 24/30 euro a kilo.

But the late August rain followed by the September sun has brought the price of fresh mushrooms down to only 8 /15 euro a kilo. You can’t go anywhere without someone holding up a freshly picked mushroom or telling you in which way they cooked them that day.

The whole of the town has been up the mountain searching for mushrooms, the word has spread and folk are coming form as far as Florence and Pisa to search for them… You may think so what, but a little maths will soon reveal that in the last few weeks over a MILLION euro worth of mushrooms have been picked... yes, at the moment its more profitable being a mushroom hunter than a mushroom boy… although it has its dangers and sadly there have been two deaths due to falls.

I'm always a bit worried that I'll pick the wrong thing and end up face down in my ommelette. So I stick to my local market.

sprout

That is very wise Sprout, I am with you.. People here only pick the porcini mushrooms for that exact reason (easy to recognise), but there is one mushroom that looks sort of similar,which if eaten, like you said, will give you a close eyed view of your omelette.