h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: I Lost My Mum Today - A4799947
Author: Mizzpinky (The Fortuneswells are gone but not forgotten) - U858042

I wrote this 5 years ago now, when my mum died. Which is why it's so sad. I'm not that morbid normally I promise

Thank you for sharing this with us MizzP, it's added something to my day. I'm not sure what it's added but it's definitely added something and I'm glad for that.

On a purely technical note:

"On the crisp white sheets she lay"
This line is shorter than the second lines of the other stanzas (which all match perfectly) and therefore I found it jarred me a little bit. What do you think about that?

Do you feel that this poem captured then, and continues to capture for you, the emotions you felt at the time? Did you plan to give a different feeling/message etc initially? Did writing the poem help you at the time?

Kat

I'd woken up at 5am that morning, after having a dream about her dieing, in floods of tears and wrote that down, at that time I didn't know that she had infact died. My dad rang me at 7.30am to tell me she had infact passed away at 5 that morning. So yes I think it did capture all the jumbled up emotions and the accute sense of loss I was feeling at the time.

To be honest I still can't read it without crying, there is just something about it I think that puts me in that "mood" I did feel better after writing it though.

I'm glad you feel it was a sucessful piece of writing and helped you. The worst thing is when you *need* to write something down and it completely fails to be what you wanted. The emotion in it is very obvious, and whilst this may seem callous of me, it makes it a good piece of writing. There's nothing I can say to change the way you feel about the situation, and I don't believe I should be able to because I don't know you and I'm also not very good at these things, but I *can* talk about the writing.

I don't think it callous at all Kat, I am over it now, well as over it as you can be when you lose a parent when they are still quite young (she was only 49) But as I said that poem still has an effect. I think probably because it reminds me of how I felt at the time

Very touching, Mizzpinky; made me recall some very similar feelings (and self-distractions) that, while unique to each of us, also seem somehow universal upon the death of a parent.

And, fwiw, my thoughts on the 'line length' thing... I find the variation (of syllable count and metre) in each stanza really makes the repeating line extremely powerful. (To me, it feels like the activity and randomness of life contrasting the stark sameness of the fact of a death. But maybe I think too much.)

Thanks for sharing this. Whether of sorrow and sadness or unbounded joy, there is always something special about writing that comes from deep inside.


m

Mmm nuhhuh sorry you missed what I meant when I mentioned the differeing length thing michael. What I meant was that in every stanza apart from that one, the second line was the same. I suspected it might be deliberate and so was wondering about that one line. All the other lines, varying or the same still flow together, whilst that one line is a bit...odd in my head. I read it out loud just to check. Am I just being picky maybe?

sorry kat I forgot to answer you on that one, I'm sorry to say I was that upset during the writing I have no idea what I was doing, maybe it was dilerbrate, as I did hate seeing her like that and not being able bring myself to touch her.

Dear, dear Kat...

...you are *supposed* to be picky!!! I always find your comments well-measured (even when I disagree most thoroughly <grin&gt and I meant only to offer an alternative POV. I think overall we were both registering nothing but praise.


And, Mizzpinky, all poets worth their salt will tell you that 'not knowing' what we're doing is in some cases the best 'knowing' of all.


m

I know I've had some stuff published and it's always the stuff I really didn't think about that gets through