h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Nikolas - A4625101
Author: Kat (scouting for you)-Visit Peer Review to Help Entries into the Edited Guide - U234368

I never know what to write for these things!

I'd like to know how this piece makes people feel or what it makes them think. I don't think I achieved the result I wanted to when I began.

I've always been told that I'm not very imagination when I try to write fiction. I admit that I'm better at fact. I'm not sure if severe depression makes me more creative or just makes me *think* I'm more creative.

Kat

I don't think this is lacking imagination. This is a dark piece, and you've some strong stuff in it.

OK, since what you want to know is what it makes me feel and think, I'll try to put that into words. It's like a nightmare. The beginning and end are like a recounting of real (though fictional) events but the middle took on a feeling of nightmare. I think that's because the sequence of events, the characters, their relationship to each other and the motivations are not clear, (which is not a criticism - depends what effect you wanted), also emotions seem to shift in an almost contradictory way. Or perhaps it's my lack of understanding them that makes me think that.

The bit about the cake, that made me think of people caught in convention, in family traditions/expectations and unable to be their true selves. And of the danger of the frustration in that.

It is nightmarish, but horribly real also, that events like this might be triggered by something so small and ordinary. It's the cake bit, and the incongruous new stove details, that I like most and that will stick in mind.

I'd love to know what result you wanted.

Hope the depression is gone or lifts quickly Kat . And hope to see more here from you though not at the expense of your being depressed.
Waz

Thanks for those thoughts Waz, those were exactly the sorts of things that I wanted to hear about.

The different sections of writing are done in the different fonts so that...bold is the room Catrin is in and outside, italics are Catrin's thoughts inside her head, and normal font is the joining room with Nikolas in. Do you think this is obvious or not? One person who read it didn't understand the different fonts and got confused. What do you think?

Emotions shifting in contradictory ways, that was aimed at and I'm glad it's something you noticed. You hear about people in shock remembering the most mundane things, and depression makes your head work in odd ways, flitting from thing to thing, and I wanted to try and bring those two things to the front and give them some airing. Also the conventions etc that you mentioned, that these things push through because it's what you're used to and expect. So I'm really pleased you picked those up. I wasn't sure if they seemed stuck in or something.

Actually I'm *really* pleased with your response. I had several negative or confused responses from friends who read it and I was starting to think that I'd wildly missed my point somehow. I wanted to give a basic framework of a small section of time, in which we could explore past normality, current conflict of normality in a time when it's really obvious that things aren't normal and never will be again, and the possibility of what will happen next. I wasn't sure how well the swapping between rooms etc would work. I thought about doing everything from Catrin's view but I think that would have been constricting, because in shock and depressed I don't think she would have the scope to see everything past and present that we can. Also we wouldn't see Nikolas or outside either. Although I think it would be interesting to write something completely from inside some time. Maybe a thought stream of someone walking down a street. I've always liked the idea of that. Oh what was it? Someone walking down the street, seeing people, noticing details, and then a small bit after telling what happens to each person later or something.

Anyway I'm rambling now. Thank you for the comments, they were useful, reinforcing. I'd like to know what you think of the writing style itself. Was it easy to follow, understand, imagine?

Kat

Hey Kat.

Waz is exactly right. It's like a nightmare - with short scenes that you catch just enough of the meaning of before moving on to the next thing.

I think the fonts were hard to catch on to, to be honest. I only went back and looked at them critically when I wondered if there was some significance to the last line being both bold and italicized.

Sorry for the lack of responses - for whatever reason some things slip past without much comment... I'm not surprised that this happened around now. A lot of the AWW folks are away or busy right now. It's no statement about your very fine entry - that's for sure.

How do you think I could define the different locations/levels in the paragraphs then if the bold/italic/normal thing isn't obvious? Or do you think it's worth saying what each thing is at the beginning, as with The Razor And The Curtain?

Well, I think that authors sometimes think that explaining such things at the beginning diminishes the work because it's less subtle... but I think that if it's not otherwise easy to discern, it's worth telling people.

How's that? Does that make it easier?

Super cool. I like it.

Neato, Kat

I just hate it when things slip throught he cracks. Here's a bump for you kat, the story deserves a good read.