h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Hotblack Desiato - A45526548
Author: Paff (not Elvised as such, more Hotblack Desiatoed) - U1522321

I'm not so sure about this, for a few reasons.

Firstly, this is my first piece of fiction, and I've set it in the Hitchhiker's universe, which might well be a big mistake.

Secondly, try as I might to just write a straight story, old habits die hard, so apologies for the 'patterns' that appear in paragraphs 3 and 4, and 5 and 6.

Thirdly, it has turned out slightly more autobiographical than I intended.


So, comments gladly received. Hope you enjoy.


Paff

As a first piece of fiction, this shows good writing skills and a nice feel for a turn of phrase.

That said, I think trying this as fanfic was a mistake, for two reasons:

1. As a pastiche of Adams, it doesn't really go anyway, and is not as funny as it would need to be to get away with it.

2. The real voice that keeps trying to emerge is smothered in the imitation of the original style.

You've got some good ideas in there, by the way: did you know that the Grateful Dead actually *do* talk to Jerry Garcia through a medium? Life imitating art, truth stranger, etc...

Why not take the same idea and go off in an entirely different direction? Take your songcrafter, put him somewhere else, give him a different name, a different kind of gig...?

More work? Sure. Worth it to get past imitation-as-flattery and onto your own turf? I think so.

Congratulations on a good first piece of fiction. As Dmitri says, you've obviously got the writing skills.

I think, however, that you're probably trying to do too much in one short story. In particular, I got a bit bogged down in the moons of Jr. It might be a good idea to cut some of that.

I agree with Dmitri that it might be an idea to return to your own turf. It looks as if you've got some interesting autobiographical material and, if you can build stories out of that, they will be fresher and more authentic.

Thanks for your comments.

Interesting that you see this as a pastiche. I certainly didn't set out to do a DNA imitation, and _thought_ I was writing in my own style .

In my defence, where I've used Hitchhikery references (place names etc) I've done that to be consistent with what we do know of the Hotblack character. Having said that, I realise that there is no excuse for the italicised section half-way down that reads deliberately like 'the guide'.


I might consider giving this a re-work, but I usually find that once something is written I can't unwrite it.

Thanks again for spending the time.


Paff

I think the main problem is that the story has entered into the Hitchhiker's Guide universe, rather than finding a parallel pocket of its own.

The material could stand on its own. I'd recommend taking it out of Adamsland, myself.

>>I usually find that once something is written I can't unwrite it<<

That's the hard part: somehow getting the hang of the rewrite process is so much more difficult for fiction than for non-fiction. If an editor says, 'I need another paragraph here on the legislative process, and that description of the National Bank issue is off-point, try a new perspective,' that's a simple, direct task. You also know when the deadline is.

Trying to figure out how to rework a construct that is entirely imaginary is much harder, I find.

Once that hurdle is overcome, though, and you start to see the material in the same terms - as something that can be reworked, like clay, to more closely resemble what you wanted it to say - you start to find the opportunities fiction offers for sharing thoughts rather than trading factoids.

This is a rather long-winded explanation. Sorry about that.

I'm trying to say that the process is really more important than any individual story.

I re-write my stories and non-rhyming poems till I'm sick of the sight of them.

Rhyming poems, on the other hand, are difficult to re-write, as the line-end rhymes lock the whole structure in place.

I enjoyed reading it, want to know what happens. But as dmitri and MvP have said between them, the Hitchikers references were a distraction and the number of moons too many to hold attention easily.

The Hitchhikers references distracted because the feel of the piece is different from Adams. Bit like finding yourself in Perth, Scotland when the Perth you are familiar with is Perth, West Australia. Perhaps it wouldn't be too much of a rewrite to to construct your own off-earth setting?

I like the sense of a pattern.

Waz