h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: In Cahoots - A45185934
Author: langsandy - U4056622

This flash fiction in short strokes depicts what I imagined the other morning, perhaps myself feeling too snug and smug in the aftermath of two blizzards that dumped about 18" of snow and left this country suffering the effects of -16C temps

Vivid. Hilarious in places. I like this guy, and I'm not sure why. Is it a guilty pleasure?

Proofreading:

'Frenchy's, who owns the coffee shop across the road '...that needs to be fixed syntactically. Maybe just 'Frenchy's, the coffee shop...', and then in the next sentence say, 'Frenchy...'?

'during which time she interfered with what I had with the kids'...sounds like you mean Gladys, when you mean the mother.

I love the name Gladys. That gives it just the right touch.

This is a fun story. I feel like it's a blast-from-the-past reference to all those old happy-hobo stories that used to turn up around Christmastime. The sister-in-law's face sinking the Nimitz...yes!

I am sure you are prepared for the charge that this is not politcally correct. But it reads like a suitable answer to 'Fried Green Tomatoes'.

Irrelevant question: Is 'Sally Ann' another name for the Sally Army?

dmitrigheorgheni

Thanks a million - your is advice well taken - yes 'Sally Ann' is another name for the Salvation Army - cheers - langsandy

I like this. It conjures up a great picture of the man-eating sister in law.

I did wonder about the style. Obviously, you're aiming for vernacular but I wondered whether shorter sentences would be more effective. Just an idea.

Happy Christmas

Hi minorvogonpoet

Yes, you have a point - but my aiming for the vernacular wss half-hearted as at a subconscious level I was realizing the protagonist was once a business exec and vernacular is not really appropriate - so I'll take a closer look - clean it up one way or the other - sinking to the bum's level would bring contact with others who would use the vernacular - hmnn - thanks and cheers - langsandy

Problem with flash fiction is if it works you’re left wanting more, as I was with this. It’s the last lines, from ‘So here I am’ that bring it to life and make what was previously mostly a collecting of data work.

Hello there langsandy. I'm delighted to inform you that your piece was chosen for inclusion in this week's The Post.

You can find it at A71691005


Bel