h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: chapter one - A25709934
Author: ianhimself - U5477852

i don't know about this. maybe it will get into chapter two....maybe it won't... time... i guess, will tell... to those of you who read my ramblings and respond with such kindness ... thank you

Ian, that was such an interesting and absorbing read. A love story with bite.

Not sure that you need a second chapter. Chapter one was complete.

Do you have a penchant for red-heads

indubitably .....

This is an excellent start, if you wanted to write something longer. It introduces both Peter and Rebecca as sympathetic characters, and establishes Peter's predicament. As always with your pieces, it's beautifully written.

The trouble with this story is that it's not exactly original. So, if you wanted to write a novel starting like this and submit it for publication, how do you make it sufficiently different to attract attention?

Enjoyed reading the first chapter. Waits for the second.

to minor V....i agree totally. this is one of three novels i've played around with....and its lack of originality does bore me a little. I have one almost finished now - more off the wall... and definitely original. It won't pass the censors here though!

The basic conceit is interesting, but I find the opening over-written. And using 'transference' twice in one chapter jarred, for some reason.

The emotions are universal, which needs more selling than something startling.

I think what I'm missing here is a voice. The narrator is wavering between flip and poetic - good deal. But it needs a more crisp approach to keep my head from spinning. I feel like I'm working too hard.

Could you tell me why I'm supposed to care about this guy, other than that he's breathing?

Loved the sentence: 'She walked into it like a stalked wildcat approaching a tethered goat.'

ah you know, i pretty much agree with all of those points.....i played around with the story for months, not because i wanted to, but largely because i couldn't think of a lot else to write about...then i abandoned it fo awhile ... and stuck chapter one on here a few weeks ago just to make sure that i had been right in my abandoning!

thanks guys......the verdict was deliverred with much kindness....

ps, i know how to spell "delivered"...i just can't type