h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Frivolous Snitch (or How Socks REALLY Go Missing) - A Children's Story - A12043649
Author: Matt [What's the UnderGuide? Find out here A1103329 ] - U168592

This is a little story I wrote for my daughter about a 'made-up' animal. I'd love some critique, as there's pictures to go alongside - I might even attempt to get it published one day if it stands up.

I like it. Although it should be 'lying about'.

Although a publisher's legal department will worry about possible lawsuits...

Glad you liked it I haven't read it to the ankle-biter yet, so she'll be the best judge I think

Legal department? Bah!

The ankle-biter will love it.

Do not underestimate legal departments. I write online school stuff. They can kill your best joke, for fear of repercussions.

I just *knew* this was one of yours Matt, when I read the title.

I'll have a good read in the morning and report back.

Ah, my subtle misuse of the English language precedes (or is that precurses ) me! Appreciate the input

Well, it's had a dry run tonight before bed with the little one. She quite enjoyed it and giggled about the smelly socks and the way the snaffle looked.

Any ideas on refinement?

I thought this very enjoyable and I think children would too. The snaffle is just right - furry and mischievous. If you're looking for refinements, I suggest cutting down on the number of exclamation marks.

for the praise, and I've just gone and done that! I've left some I thought appropriate, but it's less than before

I've had a rewrite after little 'un listened (and me) to mother tell the tale. Think it flows better and has a more melodic quality now. The next thing is to do the illustrations...

This really is super Matt, I love it to death. I can see it being read to children across the land at bedtime with beautiful illustrations. Should you be sharing this story here - when it could get published - I may have misunderstood, but I thought the BBC owned everything on this site.

Only until I take it off-site

It's EG Entries that they get to own as then you can't take them off yourself

As far as I am aware. If any different, well they can bleedingwell publish it, as long as I get royalties!

Oh, and thanks, glad you enjoyed.

Ownership is shared. You and the BBC can sell/let someone else use the material, but neither of you can sell/give exclusive use to someone else.

Kids will enjoy the made up words and smelly socks... a key question - what age group are you aiming at, Matt?

Probably looking at 4-7 year olds (with illustrations)

Actually, 4-9/10. I think...

It's suddenly occurred to me that in the best children's stories the heroes and heroines are children. Adults are either absent, as in Winnie-the-Pooh, hostile,like the Dursleys in Harry Potter, or ineffectual, like the Browns in Just William. Is there any way you can give a child the role of discovering and following the Snaffle?

hmm, good point. I'll have a rethink

I had a think, and I've removed bits so it's a little ambiguous about how old the narrator actually IS

I haven't go around to sending this off o a publisher,as I'm lazy, but any more input?

If a child is the narrator how about starting the story with him/her fed up with Mum complaining about lost socks. I'm not sure how many children keep an eye on their own socks.
I suppose a girl might mind if her prettiest socks go missing.

Secondly make it clear that it's Mum that takes washing to the 'washing-clothes shop' rather than the child.

But overall it's good- warm and entertaining