h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: the birth - A920819
Author: useless hound - U214221

Sorry there's more to come
take care
boots

Criticism first.

I found the convoluted metaphor which preoccupies the second paragraph a bit confusing. I understood it eventually, but had to read it twice, it was tricky. Perhaps I would understand better if I had ever been in labour (not likely to happen after reading this ) Not sure what would be best to fix it though. Trimming down the somewhat comflicting images might do it, or restructuring the sentances. The only other place where I felt the narrative got out of hand at all, and it was to a very minor degree, is the bit about the partner smiling weakly and going green. The pace sags a bit. But it picks up again at 'the sight of your complete sexual organs' (great phrasing).

'Realising at last that a natural birth is like pulling your top lip over your head' I've heard this similie used for labout quite often.

'The primeval scream, the sinking into unconsciousness. Men are so wet.' Again, I was expecting this, a bit obvious.

Um, sorry, can't find amything else to criticise.

Overall a wonderful piece. Interesting to see some of the same elements that the diaryesque columns have but used quite differently. The sharp wit, of course, also the meandering technique that you use so well and the touches of extravagance and absurdity. Given quite a different flavour by the abstract narrative voice. Less personally harrased and drier.

It's wonderfully funny (goes without saying). I especially liked the preoccupation with the doctor's scrotum sac. The various comments about the opportunities for legal drug abuse also work especially well.

'You will also discover that you know several Anglo-Saxon swear words and are quite capable of using them all - often.' I love this line. Again it's not a new idea, but the phrasing is perfect and quite origional which makes all the difference.

It's not easy to write a descriptive piece about a subject, like labour, that has been written about a great deal and still make it fresh and funny. You've suceeded brilliantly with this piece.

Thanks

That was painful just to read. How can it be so funny at the same time?

'Men are so wet.' actually took me by surprise, I thought it was the mother escaping into oblivion, because of the scream I think. I did a bit of doubling back on the whale and the juggernauts as well but it is very descriptive. Not that I have any personal experience either, other than visiting a friend just after who swore she was never, never, never, never doing that again. She did, but not til sixteen years later.

That last line is just so NOT how such a piece is meant to end - and so you. It's great. This should be required reading for some 'O' level or other, or whatever they call 'O' levels these days.

The couple I wrote it to now have a fairly well adjusted 14 year old, but no siblings...nothing to do with me mate. The whale and the juggernaut and the marble arch/ayres rock scenario got a bit embroilled..but life does when you're pregnant, so I still stand by it all thirty years later. I remember it as 'twere yesterday ouch and double ouch!
take care
boots

That's as it should be. It's a piece of writing worth standing by.

Clever hound.

Just stopping by to tell you that you've been CACCed. Meaning that this entry was selected to be featured in an upcoming edition of CAC Continuum in . I've read it three or four times and the bit about the bricks and scrotum still makes me cringe while laughing! This is among your best.

If there is a problem with my including it in CACC, please let me know and I'll grudgingly remove it. It is just too funny not to gain a wider readership.

Share the pain!
take care
boots

Thank you for your permission. This will be in the second CACC, if the noises I hear are correct.

Patiently awaiting your next masterpeice. (must get around to joining your fan club)

thanks for that.
take care
boots

Hi boots

I read this a while ago, but every time I tried to comment, I thought of the bricks bit and I got queasy... It should find a happy home in the CAC-C.

It's downright hilarious, though the bricks bit is a bit... ow.