h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: On fire - A60449385
Author: modul_zero - U14247005

should be a poem.

Hi, modul_zero. If you haven't posted on the AWW before, welcome.

Looking at 'On Fire', I like the image of the narrator wandering through the night, a burning flame (you don't really need the 'like').

However, I'm not sure what you are trying to say in the first two stanzas. Perhaps you could explain.

This is intriguing. I think it's like a photo out of focus - focus it, and a sharp, clear image will emerge.

Start by working on the first stanza. I do not believe the world can be asleep and on fire at the same time.

If they can, make it clear to us.

hey there...
thank you for your comments!

I must say... i wrote this "from scratch" in...about five minutes. mostly to try out writing here it's probably not the proper way to directly post it here.

well.. but about your comments... hm.. in the first place.. I'm not a poet but.. sometimes I write something like the above. in that case... I really like to put words together.. I concentrate more on these words than on the overall sense. hm.. for me the art of poetry or lyric starts with each single word. so I put some of them together, some which I'd like to hear in that context or others that just pop in

But... however... I really thank you for your comments. It seems that you're actually interested in that "piece" - and.. may I say you like about 1% of it? That already makes me happy... no one ever read some of my lines before

And... I have to say, you're right. Forget my talk about words - your hints could almost make a real poem out of my writing.

Well... I edited it. The first stanza - maybe it's clear now what I wanted to express. Though i don't know if I'm good in lyrical english (no native speaker)

I thought about the other words.. by now I don't really know what to do with them. I approximately know what to express.. but have to think about the words

Well.... thanks again.

Cheers, mo

Ah.. I forgot..
I wanted to add: photo out of focus? couldn't ever imagine a more hitting description of the "pieces" I write.. and the feelings that are ocurring while I write.
Wow

I think it's improved. I'd change 'however' to 'But it...'

I now have a little better idea of what you're saying - as if the picture had come just a fraction more in focus...

Now I'm wondering what that narrator is feeling ashamed about...

Intriguing.

I'd say keep at it, maybe try some prose. More words, but easier to get into in a second language. I'm bilingual, I know what you're up against here. (My writing in German has been described as 'hopelessly old-fashioned', among other things...)

This is better now. Intriguing, as Dmitri says.

Thanks very much