h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Brave New Road - A44885370
Author: Fate's little sister - U13711455

A poem I want to share. Any comments welcome!

Emma

Clever. A nice way of distancing yourself and the reader from the subject matter. (And getting people to read a little more closely than I suspect most people are here are routinely doing. )

Suggestions:

'This one is surrealist'=> This one is SURREAL.

'Disingenuous to a point'=> Disingenuous to THE point...

'If they are both paved' => If BOTH are paved...

At least, I think that would say what you mean a little more clearly.

That poem has a nice rhythm to it, as well.

I loved the image of the two roads, in particular to the reference to an Escher painting.

I'm not so sure about the list of words beginning with 'dis'. Although, as Dmitri says, the rhythm is attractive, I think it's usually more effective in poetry to portray emotions through images.

Original and interesting.

The number of 'dis' words became a bit of a distraction though.

I'm wrestling with the 'of' in 'weaving in and up
of paving slabs of every class and culture.'

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