h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Simple concept:

Player 1 makes a wish.

Player 2 responds that they have granted the wish, and details precisely how, ensuring that it's now something Player 1 would NOT want. Player 2 now specifies a wish of their own.

Player 1 (or 3...) grants Player 2's wish, with corruption, and so on...

I'll open with two moves to give you the idea:

I wish for world peace.

Granted - the world is united against you. I wish I could fly.

Granted - I've turned you into a locust.

So...

I wish I was fabulously wealthy....

congratulations! a thousand tons of gold have just materialised above your head!

i wish i had every video game in existance!

wow, this thread is really heaving

i'll grabt my own wish to get the ball rolling

granted! you have every video game in existance, every copy, in the whole world. not only are you and your house crushed, the world now knows you stole them and would like them the back

i wish i had a TARDIS that i could fly

(hasnt this thread already been done somewhere?)

Done! You now have a miniture tardis you can take onto planes and make swooshing noises with.

I wish I had all the marmalade.

welcome to Marmaworld! a planet made of all the marmalade in the world! you are at the centre, being crushed and suffocated at the same time!

i wish i had detachable wax wings that allowed me to fly, like icarus!

Done! Unfortunatly they are made of EARwax and people tend to avoid you.

I wish that all your base are belong to us.

granted- you're now a pixelated cat with poor grammar who no-one cares about anymore

i wish i was king of the world and that everyone legally had to do as i say

Done! Unfortunatly you have to spend every waking second handing out orders and about 9/10th of the population dies in the first day because you cant tell them all to breathe fast enough...

I wish for domination of geese

granted- now all geese are swarming to your current position and being piled up in the crowds, although you're not crushed, you'll eventually starve as you can hardly move for the sea of wings and feathers. any order to the effect of them bugering off will just result in more desperate flapping

i wish a genuine, functional XBox 360 would materialise out of thin air and that it would be legally mine

Done! It appears while you are showering, right above your head, having the net effect of it being waterlogged and useless and you being bludgeoned and slipping, cracking something vital on the wall.
It being legally yours, this is all classed as 'self-inflicted', so your insurance will not pay out. Oh and you forgot to wish for a controller or a power lead or...

I wish the new vesrion of H2G2 would just go away.

done! the website itself has suddenly materialised into a physical form in your house and has begun walking away, unfortunately, the FBI (never missing a beat) have swarmed around your house and quarantined the entire area for 1000 years! by which time you'll probably be disected by the FBI so as to discover the secret of your website summoning ability

i wish i could freeze bullets like Neo does in the Matrix

Granted! However you dont get any of his OTHER powers, so have the doodoo beaten out of you by several dozen identically suited kung-fu experts.

I wish for a place by a blue lagoon in the sun.

seriously?? come on dude give us a challenge!

granted- you have a glorious, state of the art villa with all the latest gadgetry and home comforts, and it's right next to a sparkling lagoon! unfortunately, it litterally is IN THE SUN, so the lagoon evaporates in half a second, by which time you've burnt to ashes

i wish nintendo would send my a functional 3DS in the post, for no reason and excpecting nothing in return

Kazam!
Your functional 3DS is posted with no expectations from nintendo. However it is the japanese model and no PAL games will work on it. Also, it is seized at customs.
And sat on by an elephant.
And dropped in mount vesuvius.
And you have to pay the postage.

I wish for all my enemies to change their minds and worship me.

granted, every one of your enemies grovels at your feet and does everything you say, however, news of this strange treatment gets out and becomes local news. everyone reading it becomes jealous and marks you as an enemy... and begins worshipping you, this spreads un til everyone on earth is grovelling at your feet, and mearly cowers and whimpers when you try to talk to them. eventually you get incredibly lonely for a decent conversation and decide that this pretty much sucks

i wish for a donut, a tasty one... tasty to me! ...and no-one else! AND A REGULAR SIZED ONE!

By the time the boffins have isolated the 'tasty to me' gene, doughnuts of any size have been outlawed because of lawsuits brought in America

I wish for a set of stilts suitable for crossing oceans

And I'm not that good with heights! so think on

granted, you now have a set of stilts that are as tall as the deepest ocean is deep, included with auto balancing software so that it won't fall over, cusing you to drown, however, this does of course mean that you can only get on or off them with the use of multiple air vehicles, and, while my geography isn't that great, i'm pretty sure you'd be in space while using them on land

i wish for a cheese and mayo sandwich

Took his time but Mr Mayo has finally replied and says he gets lots of such requests he unfortunately has to decline down due to a cheese allergy

I'd love a believable toupee

'he unfortunately has to decline down due to a cheese allergy'

??? (Think I'm jumping a little ahead of myself with the toupee wish)