h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Then suddenly, the winter's gone
And summer's in again;
Six-monthly postings guarantee
Extremes conditions reign.

Dark days are done, we cast off gloom,
The sun now lights the sky.
Blossom bursts and roses bloom
As buzzing bees fly by.

Alas for it can barely last
An hour, spare a day
So enjoy it well, enjoy it fast
Out in the sun to lay.

Flocking quickly, lemming-like
Fast-packed towels and balls
Unto a beach or on a hike
Our short, warm summer calls!

So as you lay warming your skin
Shedding winter's pall
Remember that the ozone's thin
And rain will shortly fall.

Don't spoil a lovely sunny day
By thinking - can it last.
For you can think your life away
With thoughts so overcast.

Alternately, enjoy the rain!
Embrace it's damping kiss!
Dance in puddles down the lane
See the rainbow! Bathe in bliss!

Now Robyn Hoode, don't skip your feet, or
Change your tune so fast!
We balladeers must keep our metre
(Cobblers to the last).

Try as I might it wasn't right
I could not make it fit
But if you mangle it you might
Found out that it can sit.

Come on now and on with rhyme
Of creatures great and small
Of lands of granite, ground of lime
Where great trees live and fall.

And will we raise the thread again
And start a story new?
And if so, with the early part
What will it have to do?

Yet history is all like this:
Improve it as we might,
The few who've read the backlog whole
Are too burned-out to write.

But from ashes we shall rise,
The thread will start anew.
And rhymes aplenty I surmise
Will soon come coursing through.

A ballad then, of derring-do
Of struggles, fights and fun.
Need not be fact, need not be true
Keep going till it's done


Our subject matter I declare
To be a gentle lad
Of great heart and gorgeous hair
But something makes him sad

Continue on i beg of you
Give him a journey fair
Perhaps he finds his way right true
Towards a maiden fair?

The moguls set up interviews
At Para-Disney-Warner;
A hopeful horde turns up and queues;
The line goes round the corner.

Until we have the story though
What do we have to sell?
It's up to us to make and grow
A story worth the tell.

Our likely lad must have a name,
I think we'll call him Harry.
His exploits will achieve great fame
And the girl he's going to marry.

A fair maiden she be indeed
Of honest heart and good
Her ample gifts he truly needs
He'd have her if he could

Alas she is betrothed away
To one of less fine manners
He is a cad, his hair all gray
But HE has knightly banners

Our hero then must prove his worth
From adversity not hide.
He has no time for fun and mirth
Just tea with a dose of bromide.

On he rides in search of fame
Our gallant hero Hal
No return with less, for shame
would drop his troop's morale

With no fine army at his back
What chance would he have then?
Black knight's castle he must sack
From bootcamp in the glen

First he must o'er wastelands ride
In search of Dragon's blood
He must return with said beast's hide
To stem an awful flood

A dragon's blood's not easily won,
Hal had quite a battle.
In fact, when all was said and done,
He'd rather fight with cattle.

And now the deed is finally done
And Hal has got his hide.
Now o'er the desert he must run
To claim his captured bride.

Alas alack for poor old hal
He's waylaid in the dunes
An angry serpent, draco's pal
Starts singing lethal tunes

Our intrepid adventurer
He drops the heavy skin
He wishes he'd been cleverer
But draws strength from within

Yelling loudly, eyes tight shut
He charges at the beast
Sword and Axe he wieldeth but
Hs motion forth is ceased

A mighty roar assails his ears -
He looks around with dread.
And sees a sight worse than his fears
For the snake has a second head.