h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wherein participants nominate a style in which they will co-narrate a story i.e.

In the style of Enid Blyton - The Tale of a Punk Rock Band

The long summer holidays were here at last, George threw her hated school gymslip into a corner of the bedroom hitting a surprised Timmy who had been dreaming happily of rabbits. "I wonder what fabulous adventure we will share with Anne, Julian & Noxious this holiday".....

She was just taking the dust sheet off her drum kit when Mummy called up the stairs "George!! Lunch is ready! It is your favourite: Fried sausages and apple pie. And I've packed you a picnic for your tea - Your cousins Anne, Julian and Noxious are coming for the holidays"

George made a V-sign with her sticks and prepared to eat the sausages. Afterwards she would take her torch under the bedclothes and sick it all up again.

..and when Mummy saw what George had done she said "Oh George, you're such a Rotter."
George replied "Mummy, that's the most Vicious thing you have ever said to me. Thanks ever so."
And they all lived stickily ever after.

Yeah, but you're really supposed to choose your own literary style

O yes, I forgot that. But the first bit seemed so short. I suppose I'd better do the obligatory Chaucer bit:

Lo, Mama, quoth George I do nought why
You besette me thusse, and makest me sighe
Julian my cousin cometh of this evening
For Punk Rock musyke do he synge

"Oh George" said Mummy despairingly, "when will you stop trying to copy the boys abd learn some nice housewifely skills? Come down to the kitchen with me and we'll prepare a lovely snack for you all to have tonight, potted meat sandwiches, loads of tomatoes, sausage rolls, and lashings of ginger beer. Oh yes and some for you as well Timmy." Timmy looked up from under Georges' gymslip and growled.....

..."You'll never take me alive. you old hag!"

you solltest not to be so silly george
comith with meith and enjoyith a scrumptios
meal

Jilly Cooper:

George followed her mother meekly downstairs, wishing she could wiggle her hips like that when she walked, and hoping that she could go to a mixed school next term. Tea was delicious - Mum had been to a brilliant finishing school in Davos and could speak German fluently, cook like a God and was always perfectly dressed.

Just as she arrived, the rag-top BMW screamed to a halt in the drive and regurgitated three pale blond town dwellers. The boys were still in their school uniforms, as though they hadn't been able to think of anything but their jolly hols in the country and had just grabbed their golf clubs and hard hats, in the hope that the usual sporting events would be waiting for them. Their curly blond hair was unkempt and Julian was sporting a stubbly beard, which didn't quite give the adult impression he had hoped. Anne got out last, with a practised swing of the legs and stroking back her long blond hair. She had just been offered a modelling job and was looking forward to having six figures on her bank statement by her fourteenth birthday.

Isaac Asimov

The Dying poet: A now very well known punk-rock band composing of the members George (Drums), Tim (Lead electric triangle, and the groupie) Julian (Bass) Anne (Singer and plain "Looker") and Bob, last called "Noxious" in an attempt to rid himself of his girlfriend, and job as a tax accountant (Guitar....there's always one.....)
....Infinitly known throughout the galaxy due to their loud and made-up lyrics that mean nothing, and their ability to be cause deafness at 150 paces.
.....Their beginnings are not really known, and it seems they screamed their way from playing in their shed into stardom in a few short weeks....
It seems likely, after the implementation of some basic Psychohistory that the band will eventually split up and head their different ways...except for Timmy who lives out the rest of his life in an alcoholic daze and constantly dreams about the "good 'ole days"...
-Encyclopedia Galactica

Timmy: "You'll never take me alive!"

(glug glug glug *hic* )

"Hello George old thing" said Julian heartily, "Are you all packed and ready to leave first thing? Uncle Quentin has written to Mother and told her that we can use the old barn at the back of his laboratory to practice in during the hols."

"Yes" said Anne, "And I've got the prettiest frock from Vivienne Westwood, I can't wait to show you"........

(I'm a bit lost here, I thought Quentin was George's old man and so she wouldn't have to pack, she was already there)

J K Rowling - here goes!!

The cousins opened the boot of the BMW and took out what seemed like endless suitcases, carrier bags and holdalls, along with the golf clubs, hockey sticks, tennis rackets and an enormous hamper of food. George's eyes opened wider and wider and she went over to look into the car boot. It was still full of suitcases, but these disappeared as she tried to help by taking one out. The cases all grew legs and disappeared into the house (borrowed that bit from Terry Pratchett) and the four children ran laughing and shouting into the house after them, Dick tripping over Timmy, and Anne forgetting that she was trying to act the young lady now.

"What ho, Jeeves," said Bertie. "I'm thinking of throwing a bit of a shindig for a few chums. I usually do at this time of year, don't you know. Wondered if you could lay on some liquid refreshment and a spot of fodder"
"Certainly Sir," said Jeeves. "I have given some thought to this annual event in anticipation of your request, and have taken the liberty of laying in a quantity of what the cat brought up these past weeks. As to liquid refreshments I thought you might be pleased to follow our Australian cousins and provide what I beleive is refered to as 'amber nectar'. To this end I have ordered a quantity of samples from the local urology department."
"Top hole Jeeves, top hole" said Bertie.
With that he returned to the table, grasped the pigs bladder in both hands and continued with his body piercing home study course.

Timmy to Mummy:

"Why, I oughta drag the truth out of YOU like ya pistol whipped ME ya bloated sack of gingham and hair spray."


( in the style of Dashiell Hammett, of course )

Anne Frank (go figure)

Dear Kitty
Got home yesterday. Drum kit missing me having not been played for so long. Noxious, Anne and Julian arrived this morning and we and now planning to go to his uncles house for rehersal. Promises to be outstanding fun. Still worry about the germans, but there on the otherside of the world. (sorry, just needed to be slipped in there!) Anyway I am now going to bed. Sweet dreams Kitty.
Your's George

*Timmy rumages through everyone's suitcases for cigarettes. money, and anything usuable for blackmail*

*including Anne's diary*

The next day dawned bright and clear and the Famous Five sang cheerily as they rode off on their bikes, Timmy THE DOG,wagging his tail as he ran alongside George.

"I am the Anti-Christ....gosh chaps look at this," Noxious Dick interrupted the song,"it looks like someones had an accident"........

Ford Prefect looked in the mirror at his new .... on second thoughts, perhaps not.

*following the script by following the bicycles*

Timmy THE DOG:

That's alright, stupid humans...I want you to think I'm a dumb waggy-tail idiot. Suits me fine. I'll get you all later. In my own time.

BWAHAHAHA