h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: A Gift for Emily - A24881817
Author: Flameisgold - U1652413

Its 38 degrees! Nevertheless, I’ve been buying jumpers in the sale, and writing stories about Christmas!

This is a re-write of an old story. I’ve given it a new title (Spynxxx where are you?) and made quite a number of changes.

The story is about a young girl and an old man, both at opposite ends of their lives. Behind it is a deeper meaning that I hope the reader will find. It’s about what we tell - or indeed don’t tell our children, our disappointments and perhaps the mystery of life.

I hope the idea works – and the reader doesn’t find it too sweet or too sentimental.

But as always, any comments to help improve my writing will be gladly received.

Good descriptions and sympathetic characterisations - particularly Joe Williams, regretting his childhood disapointments

But don't we live in distrustful times? How many mothers would accept a gift for her daughter from a strange man?

It’s a feel god story to combat self imposed cynicism, paranoia and misery – but maybe not yours!

But thanks!

I agree that the characters are sympathetic.

But I'm afraid I don't follow the logic of the story too well, and I feel that it's lacking in the kind of realism it needs to pull off a 'miracle', even as a Christmas story.

The flashback passage is a little too simple. Do people usually tell five-year-olds that Santa isn't real? (A quibble on my part.) But that part needs fleshing out.

And when Emily asks 'Santa' if Santa is real, the logic is convoluted - not in a five-year-old way, but in an adult way. How else could Emily phrase her question? It needs to be original, or else we're left thinking, 'Yes, Virginia...'

It might be more compelling if the Santa had problems of his own, and if it cost him something to bring Emily the doll. Who is Joe? Why is he free to play Santa?

As a reader, I get the impression that I am being called upon to feel something on cue, because certain words and images have been used: Christmas, a little girl, etc. And I'm mean enough to resent that.

Which is not meant to discourage. On the contrary, I think this version could be the basis of a fine Christmas story, if it dug a little deeper.

Thanks for reading.

Santa is retired - so that's why he's free.

I would never expect anyone to feel anything on cue.....so don't resent it too much, lol.

But I think I can make good use of your comments.

Oh, good. Didn't mean to sound like the Grinch.

I remember my son, aged about four, realising that the Santa at the playgroup Christmas party was different from the Santa in the shopping centre grotto.
We convinced him that one Santa couldn't do all the work himself, so there were lots of Santas!

I think that children notice more than what we think they do.

I'm still thinking about certain aspects of this story. I hope I can come up with a fresh idea.... but not today. It's my birthday - so out celebrating tonight.

I remember being a child, amazing as that sounds.

I did *not* notice all those things people claim kids do. (Maybe I was just a dumb kid.)

Happy birthday!

I still am a child!

It was a great night!

Will get back to writing again soon.....