h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Orphans of God - A14168522
Author: ianhimself - U5477852

I met her in adublin bar... she was a lawyer, 28 and totally off her face... i later heard that sh'e lost 3 jobs in almost as many months...

"it all goes back to that night, ian" .. she managed to mumble

i wrote this last night... it's the first take..totally unedited (apart of course from myusual habit of posting it accidentally in the wrong section and needing Gnomon's gracious interverntion to correft me)

it might be too emotional... the sentences may be badly constructed... the idea too twee... i really don't know...

comments very welcoms

thanks

Goosepimples. I'll read it again.

Maybe it's twee and predictable. I don't know.

What I do know is that it's based on truth.

Don't we all know kids on drugs ? Haven't we all known drug related deaths ? Saddest funerals I know.

And now, I'm really blue.

The last few lines of this work gave me goosebumps also. It's powerful stuff.

I feel that in this work you have captured the feelings of helplessness we sometimes experience - watching our children grow, feeling fearful for them, wanting to protect and shelter them from hurt and pain, and yet knowing that often it just isn't possible to do so.

It reminded me of the chapter written by Kahlil Gibran on children - where he suggests that our children come through us - and not from us. That we house their bodies but not their souls.....

On the other hand you have expressed beautifully the emotions of anger/sadness felt in knowing that another man, another father could not be there for his son - either in life or in death. That's the real tradgedy of this piece.

If anything, I'd like to feel a stronger presence of the young man. Thoughts about what might have been going on with him - and a little bit more about how his life ended. (Only a suggestion because it's great as it is).

Very powerful work Ian.

thanks to booth for this.....

yes flame ..... i agree about the exposure of the young man to the story ..... will ponder how.....

funny, i read the "on children"n piece very recently ..... it's amazing

As possibilities - you could always use the voice of either the son or the daughter to expose his story.

nice idea.....

let me think more about that......

i do have more ideas... i think the journal thins is cos i'm brain dead today!