h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Gets oil can to oil squeaking hinges.

Nods approvingly

Offers pizza and wine to anyone interested.

Raises glass

Takes small slice of pizza and examines it carefully to see what the toppings are.

Eats another slice of cinquecento stagioni pizza.

Picks the olives off the slice of pizza but enjoys eating the artichokes with basil.

Looks around to see if Gladys or her offspring are still alive and willing to prey on rogue olives.

Gladys has been spinning her octagonal web above the steps on my front porch.

Looks round apprehensively to see if Gladys is near...

Turns on Eurovision replay to see what all the fuss was about.

Nods approvingly

Shields eyes at Iceland's entry.

Shields ears to ward off the spell of disharmony from the evil queen of popsicles

Nods approvingly and also shields ears

Waves hands in the air to restore blood circulation after all this shielding.

Applauds the amusing dance

Checks for crushed spiders after dance, finds none.

wakes up, giving a little shake and rubs eyes... slowly shambles over to the big window and tugs and pushes on the sash, which finally gives with a muffled bang and slides up!

stands loosely in the breeze, cooling off and gazing serenely out at the rolling hills and billowy clouds.

belches.

Looks around apprehensively for the non-crushed spiders, notices the pleasant breeze and jumps at the sound of the belch.

Opens door for delivery of bottle Austrian apricot brandy. Pours small glasses for a toast. Butters toast and applies corned beef.
Refrains from belching till later.