h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The ABC (a sort of BBC for Australians) has a show: it is called the First Tuesday Book Club in which the high-brow latte-literati teach us about books. A while back, they ran a competition in which viewers were invited to submit a few words from somewhere splendid, "the most imaginative" of which would be rewarded with the complete library of Bill Bryson.

I of course have an imagination you could fly a kite in so fully expected to take first across the line honours, and submitted several worthy efforts extending from my memoir recounting the time I went over Vic Falls in a concreter's wheelbarrow to time travels to 1954 Cardiff when I was arrested on suspicion of espionage.

Imagine then my utter dismay and disappointment to read the winning entry:

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/firsttuesday/s2060064.htm

>>Effie Tower<<

>>boarders<<

I don't have a personal issue with this, but I am horrified that not only does the winning entry not only not know what the tower in the middle of Paris is called, but appears to think that tenants are the same as national boundaries

Oh please, tell me that the ABC is not this low-brow?

I suppose the deconstructionists might justify the prize for "most imaginative" on account of the unexplained Effie Tower and the altercations with the lodgers, or alternatively it was transcribed rather poorly from the back of a postcard: Jenny Denton must have had her reasons, albeit on the evidence presented not very good ones.

Anyway, I'll check my Box tomorrow: maybe Bill's awaiting.

To be honest, I think the winner is b*ll*cks. I mean, imagine reading that out on First Tuesday I'd laugh it off the telly.

may be it was written by a six-year-old. If you look at it from that angle, it could be brilliant

Yes. I can see that if a six year-old had Eurailed Europe with a well-thumbed copy of the toliet-centric "Neither Here Nor There" in her backpack then that child would be Andrew Denton.

They've got this thing going now: My favourite Australian

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/myfavouriteaustralian/

My expectation is that the Denton-Byrne axis of evil agreed to vote for each other, except later:

JB: What are you doing Andrew?
AD: (all joints between elbow and mouse frantic and close to tendonitis): Nothing dear, just voting for ... erm (sweats, licks lips) ... you.

Peter Cundall would get my vote, if I voted. Or Philip Adams

I shall write to Phillip Adams right away. He will see that restorative justice is done.

Oh you missed "when I was *to* tired to notice him" - another classic typo.

Perhaps it was written by a six year old?

If that beat you, DMT, no wonder you're not impressed!!

Little could have done a lot better, I suspect

It's strange but true but today's rebroadcast episode of LNL had Adams telling us between Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Sadanand Dhume that he'd vote for Peter Cundal.

http://mpegmedia.abc.net.au/rn/podcast/current/audioonly/lnl_20080527.mp3

Anyway, hope is not lost: I have a red signature item to collect from the posbus. Maybe I won a million pound off Ernie. Or maybe despite Little Fish's Red Herring it's the Bill Bryson library. Frankly I can't decide what I'd prefer to get.

Adams and Cundall are old pals

Are you a millionaire?

In Zimbabwe Dollars maybe. The post was from my employer.

A million Zimbabwe dollars - that would fetch about a sausage, I think!

A sausage without any meat in it

For what it is worth, Phillip Adams has provided the fullest endorsement for any complaint I might have against the Denton-Byrne axis.