h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't care. I really don't. Well, I do, but...

During the week I get all thoughtful and despondent and lonely, thinking how nice it would be to have someone to share intimate moments with, to lie in bed all day watching DVDs and smoking weed.

And it's not like that goes away the the weekend. Sundays after a hard weekends partying I struggle to get out of bed and think it would be nice to have someone just to hold close at the time of the MDMA comedown when you feel most lonely. Even if I've stayed in the night before (a rare event I grant you)

But Friday night, the anticipation, the freedom. "What you doing tonight Wogs?" "Dunno bruv, I'm just gonna head into town, buy some Mandy and have a blinder." I sit at home in anticipation of the time I can go out. "I am Wai-Gong and I can do anything."

And I do, I dance with all the girls, even chat to a few, even get them home now and again. Dance my feet off to music I love, bump into the same old mates from the scenes I love. Then theres the other nights when you've got a load of closer friends out, club closes and its free party in a warehouse or woods or back to someones for associated madness and before you know it it's 12pm the next day and you go home to neck some valium and vodka to put you to sleep rather than lie in bed unable to sleep thinking of how many girls you might have been able to get if you weren't such a cockspaz. But that's not what I'm talking about here, I'm talking about the good times.

And at these times I look around me in wonder at how much I love the good bits of my life. I mean REALLY love. I love my friends, I love Bristol's music/club scene, I love the feeling of freedom at an illegal rave. I love being able to go to any club playing my kind of music and know there'll be someone there to greet me as a mate. I love being me when people come up and tell me they've seen me at nearly every rave since they moved to Bristol 6 yrs ago or whatever. I love it when I'm right in the middle of the dancefloor breakdance battling some other kid (and nearly always winnning I hasten to add). I love it when girls tell me I'm an amazing dancer, I was even asked where I was taught to dance on Friday lol. I love being able to just head out with a pocket full of drugs and a wallet with a bit of cash and find randoms/new friends/crazy crusties.

THIS IS WHAT WE DO AND THE WAY WE DO IT.

And I meet girls every week, get phone numbers most weeks. I must have the lowest pull to meeting up again ratio in the world. But hell, could be worse...

But maybe it's part of me. There's the part which wants someone to share my funtimes with, and theres the part which couldn't deal with any restrictions to my life. And so maybe I subconsciously make it hard for myself because deep down even I don't know what I want.

I mean, since I was 19 I've had 1-3 relationships. All of them have been open arrangement/funkbuddy's, sometimes the line get's blurred but lets just say I've always done my own thing.

I say 1-3 because I always keep the line blurred purely because I have my life and I just want a woman in it when I want, and when I'm dancing to the heavy jungle beats I can't help getting the old bump and grind on, "Oh, your such a good dancer." Girls dancing well is the most erotic thing in the world, when you can join in and they are impressed your self-worth inflates hugely.

Selfish and self obsessed and quite possibly narcissistic. Doesn't help I suppose when the last person I was in love with was a social butterfly party animal herself so that side of things worked perfectly.

But I haven't been in anything "closed" (as opposed to open) since I was 19 and I was a totally different person then anyway, the shy kid.

Since then the whole time I've been a rave monster and always done my own thing. Could I deal with a proper relationship now? I don't know but I've recently started to want to try. I mean, I've never cheated on anyone but that's because I've always had it set up that it's not cheating. It's be interesting to have the chance to find out how well I could deal with being faithful.

What I need is another funkbuddy to deal with all the needs, the being close to someone in bed, the Sunday mornings and afternoons. When I get one of these I never feel the need for a relationship. Unfortunately it isn't too easy to come by this...

So we get thoughtful weeks, slightly lonely, slightly melancholic, punctuated by a blur of drugs and dancing and craziness and most of all BLINDING FUN.

I dunno, I'm a complex funker deep down...