h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The heart of a poet? And the brain of a goof.

Any ideas on this quizzle, Buffy? RC set in Sin's place and it has been going for 19 days.

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Each clue is in two parts, each will give a name. The two names are intimately linked to a third name.
These latter four have something in common.
1. Only three made it to the top here, but somehow Ulrika re-negotiated her contract; RICHARD&KAREN CARPENTER (tickle 1pt)
2. He was elected US president but later she, our leader said his election was inevitable; IKE&TINA TURNER (tickle 1pt)
3. You could call him octopussy but you might lose your head when the bongos sound from afar;(twin brothers)
4. Does Cameron, instead of giving EU news, report on Gaza, keeping it at the top of the order?(father&son)JAMES & ? (tickle 0.5pt)
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Strewth Tickle, I can't even work out where Tina Turner comes from (I got Ike!).
Best I can think of for 3 is the Compton brothers. Is this the standard of quizzle at Sin's? It's way over my head.

Buffy,

The quizzle thread at Sin's, as set up by Mad, only runs from midnight to 2am and is called 20/20 RBQ. The idea is that it should be solved within two hours - otherwise the answers are revealed. Sadly, Mrs Mad won't let Mad stay up late anymore, on account of his recent illness, and neither Mathos nor Nick - nor anyone else for that matter - have deigned to join in, so it's dying a death. I've just been trying, in a rather desultory fashion, to solve this one before we suspend the proceedings.

TINA comes from what our leader famously said - There is no alternative.

Who are the Compton brothers? I must confess I have no idea about the Octopussy reference.

The son of James in #4 is supposed to have an unusual name, which will make it easy to identify their surname, but I haven't managed to think of it yet. RC says it is hidden, presumably in the same way that Karen was hidden in "Ulrika re-negotiated", but I'm damned if I can see it.

I thought that the woman who played Octopussy (in the James Bond film)was called Maud Compton, but I looked it up this morning and discovered she was called Maud Adams. No surprise there, then, I'm wrong again.

Denis Compton - England Cricketer and Arsenal (?) footballer of the late 40's/ 50's - and his brother Les - ditto. He was the original Brylcreme Boy.

20/20 RBQ? How the heck anyone could de-cypher one of RC's Autolycus (spelling?) style puzzles in 2 hours beats me. I'm impressed that you've got so far on your own.

I'd like to see RC post it on the normal thread though.

Thanks for your thoughts, Buffy. The clues are supposed to give two forenames, from which we can then derive a surname, give that RC has been kind enough to tell us the relationship between the two (which was not in the original version). So you get Ike and Tina from #2 and can then deduce Turner. In that instance, of course, we perhaps didn't need the additional 'husband and wife' clue.

The Octopussy question should yield two boy's names, since we're looking for twin brothers, but I've no idea what they are.

I think I'll give it up as a lost cause.

In case you were wondering, Buffy, here's the summation

**************************
Each clue is in two parts, each will give a name. The two names are intimately linked to a third name.
These latter four have something in common.
1. Only three made it to the top here, but somehow Ulrika re-negotiated her contract; RICHARD&KAREN CARPENTER (tickle 1pt)
2. He was elected US president but later she, our leader said his election was inevitable; IKE&TINA TURNER (tickle 1pt)
3. You could call him octopussy but you might lose your head when the bongos sound from afar;(twin brothers)HENRY&GEORGE(boxed as JIM) COOPER (tickle 1pt)
4. Does Cameron, instead of giving EU news, report on Gaza, keeping it at the top of the order?(father&son)JAMES & ZAK GOLDSMITH (tickle 0.5pt)
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Theme: occupations (carpenter, turner, cooper, goldsmith)
3. Octo (8) who cuts off heads: Henry ;bongos from afar =Distance Drums (Jim Reeves)
The less successful twin always boxed as Jim Cooper.
4."keeping" serves a double function as part of "Gaza keeping" and it's keeping "Zak".

A somewhat unsatisfactory quizzle in my opinion. I was only able to get Cooper because RC gave an additional clue, and have no recollection that George Cooper boxed as Jim. I had surmised that the son's name in #4 might be Zak, but I've never heard of Zak Goldsmith.

Play has been officially suspended on 20/20 RBQ, and appears to be unofficially so on the BBC version - there's hardly anyone around at the moment.

I see our boys made an heroic effort to lose the First Test. Good old KP, eh? Given that Steyn is likely to be back for the next one and Kallis may be fit enough to bowl flat-out, it doesn't bode well for the rest of the series. Still, it's only a game...

Have a good Christmas.

Hi Tickle,
Thanks for the solution, I'm in agreement with you, it's not very well clued. Even given RC's penchant for Azed crosswords, it's unnecessarily difficult in my opinion, and I wouldn't have had a clue.

Sad that the board seems to be breaking up, it struck me that Anna was attempting to get Lil off the site, and got something of a shock when we all seemed to rally round her. In the long run though Anna seems to have prevailed.

If I don't exchange news and views with you again over the next few days, I hope that you, Mrs Tickle, and the beautiful Graces have a wonderful and peaceful Christmas.

Well, Buffy, I did tell you that the First Test didn't bode well for England's chances in the rest of the series. And I did intimate somewhere else that Bell should be dropped.

Quite the pundit, eh?

Tickle,
Some years ago a member (and an old friend) at my golf club was waxing lyrical in the bar as we watched a young West Indian batsman (making his debut for Warwickshire) on TV as we drank our beer; "Look at his technique! He'll never make a batsman - just a flash in the pan - I doubt he'll ever score a ton!"

We remind him of it still, the batsman was Brian Lara!
He also claims that he didn't say that Tiger Woods had a flawed swing and would never amount to much, but there were just too many witnesses. I wonder why we don't call him the Prophet?

As to England's performance, well it has been a fine performance on what is traditionally regarded as a bit of a flat track. Bell did well I'm pleased to say, but I think that he needs to get another couple of big innings together. He's certainly got the ability. As for the Nottingham spinner - I'd love to see him get another couple tomorrow.

There's never been much doubt about Bell's batting ability, Buffy - only his ability to perform when it really matters. He may well be the most naturally gifted of all England's batsmen, but there's a question mark against his temperament, which he needs to overcome. I hope he does so, but there's a limit to the number of chances he can be given. Ideally, he should be batting at no.3.

Am I right in thinking that he got turned over by the Aussies a couple of times, and after that fell out of selection favour?
I've always thought that when someone gets to a certain level in any sport, that it all becomes a matter of confidence, and mental attitude, it is as far as golf is concerned.

But didn't similar things happen to Mr Swann, and leave him in the wilderness for a time? He's just had the best year of any bowler I can think of, let's hope that Bell can achieve his true potential.

What's so tough about being a Baggies fan, Buffy? They get promoted regularly enough.

It's precisely Bell's mental attitude that's in question. As you probably know, all but one of his Test hundreds have been in the first innings, and he's only ever scored a hundred when someone else has as well. He doesn't get runs when it really matters, say the critics. He had a torrid time in the 2005 Ashes series and averages less than 26, with a top score of 87, in 13 matches against Australia. And that's the Acid Test. His Test batting average is only just over 40, whereas it ought to be closer to 50 given his undoubted ability. By rights he ought to be batting at no. 3 or 4, but they don't have enough confidence in him - and maybe he doesn't have enough confidence in himself. Like you, I hope that he can fulfil his potential: he could be really good and it would be great to see a real Englishman at the heart of our batting line-up.

Swann's case is rather different. He played a solitary ODI in 2000 and then disappeared for seven years. I think this was on account of a personality clash with the management. When he was recalled, it was as a limited overs player, and he only got into the Test team, over a year later, when they chose to play two spinners in India. We had Monty then, of course - remember him? Let's hope Swannee stays around rather longer - he's a breath of fresh air.

Thanks, Tickle. I've just been reading one of the blogs on BBC sport about Swan, which basically agrees with everthing you've said. Fascinating stuff, and the consensus of opinion seems to be that Swann will be around for longer than Monty (I didn't know that he'd gone to play 'county' cricket in South Africa). Others are suggesting that Monty might just learn what Swann has taught himself and come back stronger. Let's hope so, can you imagine an England version of Ramadin and Valentine?

What's wrong with being a Baggies fan? It's just so hard to explain, but Adrian Childs has written a book about the misery and pain, and how the baggies take over your life. I've been offered free tickets over the past few years, but I always say no - if that bug bites me again my life will become hell. Spend the week worrying, and then having to endure 90 minutes of pure stress. If they go one up - it's even worse!

Did you watch the football tonight, Buffy? It was jolly good. I particularly enjoyed the way the home supporters started to leave the stadium after 56 minutes of play - always a good sign.

Considering the state of the pitch, which looked rather dicey to me, it was a surprisingly good game. And at least you were spared the stress of the Baggies going one up.

Anyway, I'd better not gloat too much: I suspect you will still finish above us in the table at the end of the season. But your boys really need to practise taking corners - just about every one tonight went straight down the goalkeeper's throat.

Have a good wekend.

Tickle,
I did not watch, instead the bride and I sat doing last Saturday's Times Jumbo crossword and slurping a couple of bottles of Red wine. Baggies fans are either optimists or total pessimists. In everything but football I'm an optimist, West Brom bring out the worst in me - why didn't my father beat me with a strap and force me to support Aston Villa?

Hi Buffy, long time no see. I notice you're still making the occasional appearance on the Cryptic Clues thread, so I'm hoping you're still around and will get this message.

The thing is, over on Sin's board, we're all getting a bit worried about Mad. He disappeared abruptly about a week before Christmas and no-one's seen hide or hair of him since. Some of us fear the worst and have been trawling the net in hopes of finding some news of him. Trouble is, we don't know his real name. It's not revealed by his email address, which a number of people have and which does not tie in with the fact that he signs his personal messages as Alex.

However, we do know roughly where he lives (hopefully) and we do know that he always referred to his neighbour as Jean Baptiste (though that may not be his real name, of course). Wild did a search on Google maps and found a farmer called Jean Baptiste Guillemot who lives in the right sort of area. We've looked at the Google Earth pictures and we think there's a chance that he may be Mad's neighbour. So we're toying with the idea of phoning him up and asking him if he lives next door to a mad Scot called Alex and his wife, Jean.

No-one has been elected to perform the task as yet. Ideally, of couse, we need a fluent French speaker. You're an erudite chap and I get the impression that you're a regular visitor to France, so I was wondering how well you speak the lingo - and whether you'd be up for the challenge of phoning a complete stranger and having what could be a very bizarre conversation in a foreign language.

Talking of things bizarre, here are some verses from my latest (unfinished) poetic opus, a parody of a well known poem by Walt Whitman:-


O Captain! Ex-Captain! I fear the game is up
You’ve blown what little chance you had of lifting the World Cup
If the unexpected happens and England pull it off
‘Twill be the hand of Ferdinand that holds the cup aloft
You’ve lost the cherished armband
And sponsorship, to boot
And some suspect that you’re most vexed
By losing all that loot

O Captain! Ex-Captain! You were once one of the boys
But it seems you can’t be trusted now with their model toys
And many things get broken when you give them such a bang
So how can you expect to stay as leader of the gang?
Two Italians have spoken
One says it’s all baloney
Perhaps he sets his standard by
Silvio Berlusconi

O Captain! Ex-Captain! They’ve heard whom you’ve been screwing
And football fans throughout the land (outside the Bridge) are booing
Away from home, where’er you roam, the crowds will jeer and bay
You must expect such a reception when you play away
But football fans are fickle
And with the wind will bend
They’ll cheer you in South Africa
If you keep up your end


And talking of football, I see the Baggies are back on top now. I've always thought it would be they and Toon who get the automatic promotion spots, but I was just beginning to entertain the notion that Forest might crash the party. It doesn't look that way now. It's not just Baggies supporters who suffer, you know.

All the Best,

Tickle,
How nice to hear from you. Unfortunately my French is limited to ordering and paying in restaurants otherwise I would have no qualms about making the call. I recall Mad writing about the nets in his garden, but I don't know if he would take them down in the winter - would they show up on a satellite picture?

He told me where he lived in a thread just after I'd returned from France sometime last September. I'll go and read through and see if I can find the name of the town - that should help. I'll post here if I find anything.

I do, however, fear that Mad may well have joined the person who inspired your poem, and bitten the dust. It's strange that one can feel such emotion for a person that one has never met, and knows only through a series of answers to impossible questions on an internet forum. Yet I have a clear mental image of him, and will miss him.

Buffer.

Thanks for getting back to me, Buffy.

I think the satellite pictures probably date from last summer, or maybe the summer before, so in theory Mad's cricket nets might show up. However, the definition level in rural France is not that high, so I doubt if they would in practice. I'll have another look, all the same.

If you can come up with some place names, that might be very helpful.

Like you, I fear the worst and will miss him - and his sense of humour. The boards are not the same without him.

...and another.

I telephoned my aunt because I know she's not been well,
But will she see a doctor? will she hell!
Tho' I love her to bits, she's as stubborn as it gets;
I was just wasting my breath, the truth to tell.

She's far too independent for a woman of her years
And she needs more help than she will ever own;
Unlike you and me she has no virtual company
And I think she spends too many hours alone.

Still I'm glad I rang her up and had one final chat,
Even tho' I couldn't make her change her mind.
She asked about the fam'ly and I put her straight on that;
I reassured her we're all doing fine.

But I got my tenses wrong when I started on this song -
The past imperfect might have been more right.
When I talked with that old girl, she sounded weary of the world:
Now she's gone gentle into that Goodnight.
A woman of her age had no strength left to rage
Against the dismal dying of the light.

She just lay down and died with nobody at her side
And no fire left to keep her from the cold.
She just lay down and died with that emptiness inside
That comes to everyone who's grown too old.