h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am having a wonderful summer. I didn't want to come to California but I'm so thankful I was brought here anyway. God has a way of knowing what's best for us. I never thought this would be a peaceful experience, an experience of rest I needed apparently more than I thought I did. I usually feel guilty when at rest but this rest is accompanied by peace which touches Guilt gently on the shoulder and assures it that now is not its time. It's wonderful. Thinking back on all the times that I've wanted to kill myself, the long bout of bulimia that was on its way to killing my soul and was taking my body as well, the moments when I felt like there was no hope left, that I was too far gone into blackness and hate and death to ever see a star again, the moments when I would gladly destroy myself, the moments when I've felt completely alone and at odds with everything, when I've felt that the battle against myself is hopelessly neverending, when I've felt that there's no hope for me with God, that I could never overcome myself to be what I want to be for Him and for myself, the times I dug a razor into my upper arm to let the hate out, the times I was terrified of what I saw in myself, the times when I ask at the end of my rope, sometimes literally crumpled on the floor, for God to please help me because that's all I can think to say, thinking back on the unexpected, split-second healing of bulimia that I thought had been wrong to ask for, the protection from self-destruction that's been so patiently and lovingly, protectingly given to me, how I'm being so comfortingly and lovingly, persistantly led into a place of rest, I'm so thankful that God has brought me to where I am. Thank you, God, for saving me. Thank you. Thank you. Help me. Please help me.

Sounds like you've found what you've been looking for... I spent many a fearful night like that. As long as you two are getting along,

=]

Yay!

My Sweet Little Larky-poo,
I am so VERY proud of you-even though I have no claim to you DNA- wise... or to any portion of your recovery,and, even though I know this was not accomplished on your own...still my heart swells with love and pride to know you.My spirit sooooars at the release of your spirit! I am sorry I have not expressed this sooner to you.You are such a special, beautiful (BOTH physically and spiritually)young women, and I speak prophetically when I say the Lord has a very exciting future for you. You will bring great comfort and relief to others!!! Whoppeee!!!*dances around gleefully!* Happy,Happy New Year!!!And here's to the beginning of a fresh, new, year, and all the ones after this one.

Hey, Mrs. Rachel's mom. =] I'm hardly ever here anymore, so I just read your response. That is very encouraging, especially since lately I've been having encounters with the next major problem on the hit list. =] Would you and Mr. McKinney forgive me for eating your food so I could throw it up? I am sorry for bringing that into your house. But honestly I'm not brave enough to ask you in person.

Well, I guess just writing it out helped screw my courage to the sticking place. Never mind. =]

I just revisited this link...as you know, you are forgiven! You were forgiven even as you did it.I am sorry I did not know how to address it at the moment in love and kindness and gentleness, but then I am still learning as well.And my family's way to deal with something of that depth, was to not talk about it...sooo I hope you forgive me as well for my ineptness as your sister. Fortunately we serve someone whose mercy endures forever!

Wow, I haven't posted on H2 for over a year I don't think! =] No, but really that was probably the best way I can think of for you to have reacted. I don't know what I would have done if it had been brought up and an array of ugly scenes that did happen after other people had to confront me about things arises in my mind. So, yeah. I love you guys a lot. I wish you the best on your touring. =]

Well, I come back here once a year whether I want to or not!OOooo,"ugly scenes"? I guess I could do without anymore of those in my life!LOL. Touring is delayed...patience...the ...last...frontier...!