h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Today, my wife and I were discussing our local newspaper's obituary postings. It appears that all the deceased passed lovingly and with due merit to a welcoming Creator, leaving only melancholy, desolated relatives and friends in their wake. For a limited, marginal few, this is true, indeed. But what about all those people who were not deserving of such accolades, we wondered? Do they get the same obituaries? Well, these are my theories: (1) they may have relatives who only want to do the "right thing", even though X was a rather shabby soul whom few will miss. (2) the obituary serves to instill guilt on those who are not there so it serves as a vehicle for the writer. (3) death is such a traumatic, mind-boggling experience that it impells the survivors to write hiaku for the deceased, lest the Reaper comes for them for their lack of humility. (4) in a spurt of gratitude to the deceased for benefiting from his departure, leaving a softer safety net, the poor chap deserves some kind of recognition if only of his death. (5) If the cadaver was a pillar of the community, omission of notice would bring blame and shame on the expected obituary writer.

Anyone out there has any other theory on why we never read any negative obituary?