h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*two journal entries in one day?!? why not... it's been a while and I have lots to catch up on...*

To save the Mods time and effort (because we love them), Di*e*t T*, formerly known as T*l***ty D*L, is a load of hork. Their customer service reps are friendly and they at least feign interest in your problem, yet I can't get over the fact that I lose my connection every 15 mins or so... which, if you do the maths, equals every time I want to do something online.

Like now, for instance... slow blink, fast blink. Slow blink, fast blink. Hork. Disconnect the power, wait one minute. Reconnect. Slow blink, fast blink. Repeat. Double hork.

What does the "slow blink, fast blink" mean, you ask? It means, "Try to do anything online, I DARE you! Moooahahahahahaha." Horkheads.

To be honest, this is a better experience than M*N horking us for DSL charges against our bank account when we weren't signed up with *S* DSL, but this is still a big, smelly truckload of hork.

I called *ir*c* *V again night before last, and we had a swell conversation. My rep was thoughtful and went through the motions of once again asking me the following questions...

(btw, a "connector thingy" has a much more official-sounding name, which I won't use in order to maintain the anonymity of my DSL carrier, thus insuring that the Mods will have a truly super-fun happy day, indeed)

Rep: Is your connector thingy within 10 feet of the nearest florescent light source?

Me: No.

Rep: Is your connector thingy within 3 feet of your monitor, hard drive, stereo equipment, floor, window, nuclear power source or household pet?

Me: No.

Rep: Is your connector thingy plugged into a reliable power outlet?

Me: As far as I know.

Rep: Super! Is your connector thingy currently submerged in sea water?

Me: No.

Rep: Are you looking at it in a funny way? Breathing on it? Did a stiff wind go past your connector thingy?

Me: Uhh.... no.

Rep: Hmmmm. Oh, I know---where you trying to DO anything online, such as check your mail or look at a "web page"?

Me: Yes.

Rep: Bingo!

My rep told me that many of her customers had requested a lead casing for their connector thingies and that one such customer had troubles connecting to the internet when his aquarium light wasn't working properly. I think that says something.

I'd post this right now, but you know... slow blink, fast blink

Eeeehee hee heee.. I'm not laughing at your DSL trouble, but I am laughing at hork.

You know, it's supposedly a Canadian equivallent of "yoink", but I like your sort of paintbrush effect.

*hugs the stuffin' out of 'Manda*

What I really, really like is when the light is green and solid and friendly and just so cuddly you can't help but smile at the world and love everything, and the little tray icon has the smiling happy joyous green light, meaning that all the planets are in alignment with the gateway, so you can just zoom zoom zoom around the internet thing, and then you do something foolish and irresponsible, like, I don't know, stop playing solitaire while waiting for it to come back up and actually open an INTERNET BROWSER with the express intent of, maybe, just maybe BROWSING the INTERNET, because you're paying FIFTY DOLLARS a MONTH to the INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER, and the tray icon turns yellow and the formerly non-blinky light goes all blinky, preventing you from doing ANYTHING and making you play Ukranian Solitaire until your eyes water.

That happens about thirty-two times a day. Sometimes more.

Doh! Hi Krissy.

Hi Krissy, indeed.

And I like the two-posts-for-every-one-Spartus thing you've got going on, honey.

I kept forgetting stuff. Not being able to edit and stuff takes its toll.

Perhaps we should complain to the moderators?

I think we should jab that new Editor person in the thighs with toothpicks. Or maybe stuff a cigarette in his nose--no, he did that himself.

Yes, yes he did.