h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What a weird game?
Now English football is much better

Football And Soccer are for sissys. Get rid of the heavy protection and pick up the ball. Austrailian Rules. Now there's a game!!!

nope..I think you`ll find it`s a martial art.

American Football seems to go on for ever.
I understand the rules and it stll makes no sense.

A question that's been on my mind for many years is this:

What have feet got to do with American Football? (Apart from for standing on, that is). The rest of the world play the more widlely accepted game of football using their feet to move the ball ( except for Argentina ). Why couldn't the inventors of American Football come up with a slightly more relevant name for the game like, for example, "Absurdly Padded Blokes Being Overpaid"?

Rugby for Wimps, that's what I call it. Rugby now there's a dangerous game. Oh Hi Jonny didn't see you there.

I have, in my younger days, played the games described above (except Ozzy rules). The pads, in fact the whole strange costume, are a vital part of the process. They are as necessary for football as they would be silly for rugby. The art of football is assembling two dozen odd men into a machine that produces violence. Football is unique in this. Rugby, and arguably Ozzy rules, are just as rough; but there the violence is a celebration of the animal. Rugby is like a poetic stampede. Football is gang sumo with a ball.

or "bladder ball"

You know what Ant, I sometime's get these weird feelings of deja-vu...

Gang Sumo? I like it! That's what I'll be calling the game from now on.

I've just done a little web-searching to try and find out why it is so named, the claim is that it evolved from football (soccer) and rugby. Apparently the first intercollegiate game was played in 1869 and was, more or less, a 25-a-side soccer match (they must have been using a big pitch).

Yeah I get that feeling too, probably just in our imaginations though

The same could be said of Aussie Rules Football, which clearly has no rules at all.
And Curling, were nothing curls.

I've worked it out !!!
It's called 'Football' because the ball moves about one foot every hour.

It all seems so obvious now, thanks Fatz!

OK then, why is it called a touchdown - when they don't?
And don't you think it odd, that the Superbowl winner is proudly called WORLD CHAMPION!!!
I suppose it's the "American Dream" to be the best. How better than to have games no-one else plays, (bad move letting Toronto play Baseball).
I think I'll go & invent, hmmm, juggling 7 eggs & a hamster underwater football. Not sure I'll be much good, but without any competition I'm sure to be World Champion!!!

maybe, back in the black and white days, there was a duck in the 'endzone'. and in order to score points, the attacking team had to strike the duck with the ball. hence 'touch down'.
And don't forget the 'World Series' Baseball thingy. Hmm.
I think, in order to ensure that GB wins stacks of gold medals in the Olympics, snooker, darts, dominoes and ball room dancing should be included in the next games.
These events should then be divided into separate divisions, based on height, weight, age etc ( ie super heavyweight domino champion or bantam weight, middle aged, quite short snooker doubles champs )
the combinations are almost limitless.
this would ensure that Britain had a more than average chance of taking home a whole stash of medals in 'sports' that no-one else plays.

Hmm, that's brought us back to a link to American Football I thought obscure at first - Morris Dancing.
It will take centuries of (in- ?)breeding & culture for the rest of the World to catch up with the UK in that noble sport!!

I can see scores of muscle bound East Europeans casting aside their steriods & dumb-bells to slim down to the ideal pencil weight of the humble British Morris.
Maybe even a fusion of the esteemed Synchronised Swimming with Morris Dancing - although the challenge to make the bells tingle underwater may be overwhelming.
Still the rewards would be great - think of the prestige bestowed upon the Mother Country and the envy of the Aussies as England takes the Gold, Silver AND Bronze from under their noses in the 2000 Olympics for in-line aquatic bell-ringing

Imagine my surprise...

I was idly flicking through TV channels yesterday when I was confronted by a European League NFL game (that's what they said it was anyway, I don't really understand how 'European League National Football League' doesn't contradict itself but never mind) on my local Fox Sports Channel. I have a feeling that all the players are Americans who aren't good enough to play for teams over here but still, it looks like they're making an effort to gain world-wide acceptance for the sport.

Yep, that's the NFL's 'other league'. The teams are mostly comprised of Americans, but they have to have some predetermined number of natives of whatever country the team's based in on the roster. They generally don't play, however, or if they do, they tend to play inconsequential roles. And yes, they're trying to get the sport more worldwide recognition. And yes (also), they are comprised of a few different types of players: 1) Young players that the US team "farms out" (heh--I think that's a baseball term) to the European team to get them actual game experience as opposed to the half-speed practices. 2) Players that just aren't quite good enough to make it onto the "real" team, so they get shipped out, but the NFL still 'owns' them, for lack of a better word. 3) Old, tired veterans whose names still have some cachet value for getting people into the stadiums. William "The Refrigerator" Perry is one I can think of off the top of my head. His heyday was in 1985 or so, if that helps you to realize how far they're reaching.
I don't really think it's been the resounding success they've hoped for.
And to address the 'world champion' moniker they tend to adopt, as far as the NFL's concerned, they are the only ones in the world who play it (well, aside from the Canadians, but rumors fly from time to time the NFL will acquire their league), it stands to reason the best team in the NFL will be the world champion, much like the underwater egg-juggling example. And it does make sense once you think about it: I mean, if they called themselves the 'national champions', then people everywhere would probably wonder why they didn't call themselves world champions, since no other country had a national champion.
I'm rambling again, aren't I? Oh well, just felt like being a useless font of American sports trivia for a few minutes. I can continue on and on if you'd like, but I don't really think you would.

Well, it would seem that American Football isn't all that popular a sport outside of the United States. While I was never a big fan of playing it, I do enjoy watching it on the television from time to time and feel that it should at least be partially defended as both a real sport and a real source of entertainment. First, a lineman is about twice as large as a quarterback and in most cases a good deal faster so if they didn't wear padding then each team would need about fifty quarterbacks on the roster just to make it through the season. Although I applaud Rugby players for their resilience, I must point out that Rugby isn't the same game as American Football, not even slightly. Second, if an American past time should be critizied for being slow it's Baseball and even then I would debate that Soccer (what you call Football) is the slowest game of all. Third, I honestly don't know why they chose to call it Football when only two people on each team (the punter and the kicker) are supposed to touch it with their foot. I agree that it is a truly stupid name though I doubt that a good alternative would have the word "bloke" in the title. It's a great word but for some peculiar reason people in America just don't say it all that much. They prefer dude which, I will admit, is a good deal less interesting.