h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I seemed to have got a little sunburned yesterday... now where's that sunblock of mine?

You need hats! Big, floppy hats!!

Don't worry, I'll bring plenty of 'em when I go down to visit.

Oh, and "cooking oil" is not a viable substitution for sunscreen, no matter what the natives down there tell you.

Wait till you get "driver's arm. I got that when i was a *professional" (hehe) driver. My left medium brown, my right, a nice shade of off white....

Careful about that, Amanda. You'll be a capital-T tourist, cause there's nobody on our beaches under 60 with a big floppy hat.

We use, er, sunscreen. Sunscreen and, if you're a particularly avid beachgoer with all the gear, big goofy umbrellas, or those silly pop-up tents.

If you want to fit in, bring a dog.

Course, I'm sure in downtown Miami there are no dogs allowed on the beaches. But you'll still look cooler if you have one. A big one, that is, not one of those dinky little yappy things. Those are NOT beach dogs. No. You have to have at least one really big dog, and a frisbee. You could bring a tennis ball but guess who's gonna be chasing that into the water?

The dog, yeah, and then you, cause the dog won't be able to find the damn thing.

What was I talking about?

Oh, hats. Right. Er, another thing about them, they'll only make you hotter...

Just saying.

Staying inside or in the shade is of course a viable alternative, if your British you either have to go bright red or stay in the shade, it's the law or an old charter or something

*Nods enthusiastically* I think I have a copy of that somewhere around here...just in the event I get pulled over for not having a tan, you understand.