h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Some people I just could not do wihout. I've been having a bad couple of days in my (very long-distance) relationship, so this morning I text-messaged D: "When will you be back? I really need to talk to you."
"I'm home right now! Leaving tomorrow morning."
"I'll ring you tonight if you're not too busy."
"Do."

I did. I told him about my troubles, about how hard I'm finding it to negotiate this new relationship and fit it into my life. I'm having to learn to read a new person all over again, and sometimes it just comes across all wrong and I end up hurt and resentful.

I half-expected D to go off on one and tell me to dump Em on the spot for not being "good enough" for me. Instead he was calm and reasonable and pointed a few things out to me that wouldn't have seen otherwise.

The eyes of a friend who loves me see things I cannot see. I cried a bit (he's brilliant because he can listen to me bawl down the phone, got a few things off my chest, was reassured, and have just come off the messenger with Em - surprise, no arguments and lots of loveliness going on.

"What would I do without you?" I text messaged D a couple of hours ago.

And it's true. Some people you just cannot do without.

It's unbelievably good to have those friends. You are a lucky woman, Greta!

I am, agreed

I'm amazed at the way he can really listen to me boo-hoo for an hour and be unfazed by it. Most men lose it when they hear a woman crying, especially if she is particularly dear to them.

A safe and strong place for letting and out is sometimes very much needed. But it really must be a strong and kind person to take it.

We've tested each other over a countless series of arguments. Nobody argues as well as we do, we've perfected the art We shout at each other until the wee hours, I usually burst into sobs at some point, and it all ends in "I wouldn't be here if I didn't really love you".

Then we hang up the phone, go to bed and are practically comatose the next day.

Em is jealous. With good reason. He can't argue as well as D... he is the blustery sort, he gets shouty and loses his temper straight away. He has a lot to learn in the field of crafty arguing.

Eventually somebody who can see the art in argueing!

The secret is, let it all out but don't go to bed until you've hugged. If you're arguing over the phone, don't go to bed until you've said "I love you".

Em and I still have trouble in that department, we've been together for a month and we don't really talk about love. So we substitute "I miss you" instead. Works all the same. If we manage to make up before hanging up.

I think the secret is not to involve anger and other bitter emotions in it. Everybody has a right to an opinion and agreeing isn't always necessary, it's the acceptance we are looking for.

Oh Greta, i can so much understand what is happening to you right now; i am in pretty much the same situation!

It's very difficult to adapt to a new persons ways,& i find myself constantly thinking "hang on, this isn't right!" simply because the "past person"(M) would have responded completely differently; then i am inclined to get angry & confused. So he (P) does too. It doesn't help that he doesn't speak English, my French isn't great, so it takes a lot of determination to overcome this.

I was whinging to my dear friend abbi; and she said this in an email:

<<< good grief give the man a break then.>>>

And she was SO right! She is probably the ONLY person who could say this to me & make me stop & think a bit.

Having true friends, who know us well & aren't afraid to say stuff they really feel we need to hear is incredibly important.

Good to see you back on hootoo again, with the new

Terri

I was actually happy to hear that I was partially to blame for the situation, because when you're doing something wrong you can make adjustments. It would've been a lot worse if he'd said "nothing to be done, love, he's a lost cause". Being told that I was taking it the wrong way was very helpful. Sometimes all you need is perspective...

I do believe this is because D is a man, and understands men better than I do. He also happens to be an exceptionally sharp man, which of course helps a lot. I will always be a strong advocate of male-female friendships, without D I would be unable to make sense of guys most of the time