h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For lack of anything better to talk about (and no news is always good news), I guess I'll get down some random thoughts.

This may be a long one, so I'm going to post this, and the rest in a second, separate post, to save casual visitors a bit of scrolling.

I like posting random thoughtsRants usually attract me as well....so be prepared!!!

First, I'd like to ask a generic sort of question and see what the general concensus is. I have a habit of being annoyed at etiquette-related grievances, so it's useful for me to get an idea what less-than-totally-polite society thinks. That's where you lot come in.

When I was growing up, my sister and I were expected to send a written thank-you note any time we received a gift either by mail or at a large enough gathering where the gift was not opened and the giver not thanked directly. This is a habit that has stayed with me into adulthood. I realize that my mother had some funny ideas in regards to good behavior (I recall an incident in a restaurant where her entree was not to her liking, and she tossed it on the floor ), so I sometimes wonder if my expectations are too high, or if other people are just plain tacky.

A little over two weeks ago, K and I attended a wedding reception for his cousin. She's not a cousin K's particularly close to any more, and I can't ing stand her, so rather than try to shop for a gift (I don't *do* gift registries), we gave them a check.

Now I was brought up with the idea that if I received a check as a gift, the "proper" thing to do was to make sure a thank-you note was mailed before cashing the check. In other words, one would hope that the giver would receive the note before the check cleared the bank. But alas, the check to K's cousin cleared our account last Wednesday, and six days later we have not yet received a thank you.

I am being overly tetchy, or is this in bad taste?



Second... work's still been insanely busy. I don't know to what degree I should discuss it in public fora, but suffice it to say that I work tangentially with a "team" of four other people, one of whom left the company in the srping and for whom a suitable replacement has yet to be found, and a second who is out on extended sick leave. The third person is a bit of a Barbie doll- vapid and completely useless. So person #4 and I have had to systematically "volunteer" to pick up a lot of projects beyond our regular workloads (which for me is already spread a bit thin most of the time).

I'm not really complaining. I like to be busy, and I like job security even better. And I'm sure all this will be remembered with my annual appraisal comes up and I'll be duly rewarded. But it gets annoying from time to time, as well as quite tiring.



That's all I've got right now. Everything else is absolutely wonderful!

Hi Smurfles! You're actually one of the people I'd like to hear from regarding my first point (i.e. rant)!

Hello there Pc
I was waiting for your posting
It's awfully rude not to thank someone for a gift,but,i usually try to find a reason for them not doing so.Did they go on honeymoon,and maybe aren't going to do thank you cards until they get home???Or will they just call everyone and say thank you personally??
Maybe you'll hear from them in the next few days!!
If not then i think a definite rant is called for!!

I think you're right to be miffed PC, especially wedding gifts .... just about everyone gets a thank you for wedding gifts, however small. Perhaps they just haven't gotten around to posting their thank you cards yet.

If I were you I'd make a few discrete enquiries with other family members to see if it's just you (missing in the post) or everyone (not sent yet).

Or maybe they're like me...disorganised beyond redemption. (although they did manage to cash the cheque)

I personally suspect a combination of all of the above... but yes, they did in fact manage to sign and cash the check, so I'm not entirely sure they're excused.

WHile I know my standards can be a bit exacting, I've got it in my head that certain things are just "common courtesy", and this is one of those things.

Maybe I'm just trying to justify having my knickers in a twist because this woman is so obliviously awful to me to begin with?

I think you may have a point there, pc.

Hallo, PC.

I have almost never in my life received a thank you note for a gift, and I have sent very few. I consider it to be a touching but unnecessary thing to do: something beyond the call of duty. I mean, people say thanks when they receive the gift, so why bother to say it twice? The occasions when I did send thank you notes were due to a genuine upwelling of feeling (combined with a rare manifestation of organization), and had nothing to do with thinking I had to.

Well, I agree with you regarding gifts that someone has thanked me for already. But this was a wedding gift- 300 people in attendance and a drop box for cards; we haven't been thanked for the gift at all. I also see your point about matters of feeling rather than obligation, but here in the States it's customary etiquette for newly married couples to send thank-you notes to those who have given them gifts, especially gifts that not received in person. While it's certainly touching and thoughtful to *give* a thank-you, it's actually considered to be thoughtless and in rather poor taste to neglect to do so in these here parts. When I was a kid, if my sister and I didn't have a thank-you card written within a week of receiving a gift that we hadn't thanked the person for in person (e.g., a check sent by mail), we had to return it. My grandparents confirm the same for my parents and themselves. So I'm not expecting special treatment or anything.

A big problem- and a common one in US culture- is that some people have an enormous sense of entitlement and seem to think that any special occasion or party means that they should expect gifts and are under no obligation to express gratitude for those gifts. What some people seem to fail to realize is that no one is EVER under ANY obligation to present someone else with a gift- it's just that, a *gift*. You invite someone to your wedding for the honor of their *presence*, not the *presents*.


Thanks for the !

Ah, yes; I see. Circumstances and all. Hope they send you a thank you soon: it does seem rather rude of them not to.

Mind you, weddings can be rather overwhelming affairs (hence my running for the hills rather than go through with my own). A friend of mine who was married a year ago took several weeks to reply to her guests with a thanks and a piece of cake for each person, because she had a lot of guests and it seemed like a mountainous task which she was too drained, after all the wedding preparations and celebrations, to face.

My guess is that cashing a cheque is an easier thing to do than to write 300 personalised messages. (Or don't the thank-yous have to be personalised?) I have trouble thinking up something to say inside one birthday card!

Cake with your tea?

Hmm, one probably tries to semi-personalize these things. I know when I sent out mine (don't ask- that one's LONG over) I did try to write at least a wee sentence so that everyone was "acknowledged" rather than just throw a bunch of pre-printed things in the mail.

My point of contention was that if they didn't have time yet to write the card, they might have waited to cash the check till they had more time. But, as I said in my first post and have admitted to in the past as well, I do have really high standards for "politeness" type stuff, and can get a bit miffed when other people don't adhere to them.

I always have trouble thinking of things to write in cards, too. And the more I like the person, the more difficult.

Cake would be lovely!! Speaking of cake, is it tradition of some sort to send each guest a piece of cake afterward? I've never heard of that before. The cake is eaten on the spot, except for the very top layer, which is supposedly saved and frozen for the bride and groom to share on their first anniversary. For mine (and I still don't like to talk about it ), the damn thing was freezer burned beyond fitness for human consumption.

I agree. It does seem rather crass of them to have cashed the cheque. I get miffed about certain types of rudeness, too.

I've no idea whether or not the cake thing is traditional. Weddings are not my strong point! I'm sorry your own was such a disaster, though.

It wasn't the wedding that was the real disaster- it was the relationship. We split up within a year and a half. In retrospect, things worked out much better this way.

I get miffed about lots of rudeness. I commute to and from work every day and public transport (which reminds me of another journal post I should make) and you see ALL kinds of rudeness on there. The most annoying thing for me happens because queuing (sp? spell checker says "OK", but it looks funny) isn't done here like it is in the UK. So there's always a mad crush to get into the train and dozens of people will wind up boarding ahead of me regardless of whether I got there first.

That would certainly piss me off!

As do people sleeping on two (or more) seats, or setting their bags on the seat(s) next to them, or sitting in the aisle seat and not letting other passengers into the window seat... all during rush hours. Or how about those tools who walk into the car and then stop directly in front of the doors, so other passengers can't get on and off?

But for all of my grievances, I much prefer public transport to the alternatives.

You know, it has occurred to me that all sorts of things piss me off. No wonder I've so many gray hairs...

Quick--here: That'll sort you out.

I'm releived it's not only me then.

It clearly is a sign of getting older, though. I now am pissed off by things I wouldn't even have noticed 20 years agio.

*slurps drink*

That's exactly how I feel, Bel. I definitely haven't turned into my mother or anything that dire- people don't turn to stone when they gaze upon me- but I'm certainly prone to annoyance at things that wouldn't have fazed me ten years ago.

In fact, I'd probably be *doing* half of them, as often as I could get away with.