h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ohh, sacred socks would be nice.
And maybe the power smite annoying people



PS: Madman, what's a blood donor cat?

Just as humans can hop in a white bus and allow a stranger to take two pints of blood from their arms, cats and dogs can donate an amount of their own blood to be given to an animal in need. In most animal hospitals there are either "house cats" whose sole purpose in life is to lay around the hospital, soak up rays, trip you up while you're carrying a handful of files, and give blood when needed.
In the case of the clinic I work for, they decided to ask the employees to offer their animals for blood donations. Because there are a good many donors, Aidan would only have to give blood maybe twice a year. In exchange we would receive a bunch of free tests (bloodwork, radiographs, etc) to make sure he's healthy and able to give blood. We'd also receive free vaccines, free boarding, free food, free flea control, and free heartworm preventative. Who isn't gonna pass this up? Even if the company didn't offer this stuff, I'd still have Aidan do it, cause God brought us together and it would be our way of saying "Thank you!"

Right now I'm feeling completely P.Doff. It just seems that every single task I attempt to do, I can't for one reason or another.

Yesterday, whilst Mrs RBA was shopping, I decided to do my usual weekend task of doing the vacuuming. Well, firstly, the vacuum cleaner had no suck. I dismantled it and found the filter totally clogged with fluff. The bag had disconnected itelf and the sopace for the bag was totally crammed with vacuumed up garbage. Hence I emptied it out anbd went in search of a new bag. Couldn't find one. One of Mrs RBA;'s major faults is that shes forever moving things around, so I never know where to find anything.

Today, I go to iron my shirts ready for wotrk nnext week. Guess what> No electric iron. Mrs RBA ingforms me that our daughter has borrowed it to take to her house.

Also, on Friday, my teaching colleague has told me that he's already covered the section I was going to teach Period 1 and 2 tomorrow. Actually, I'm not sure what he has covered because the 'word' appears in the Specification fore and aft of the Section I knew he was covering. I tyhought we'd agreed between ourselves what we were each going to cover. I've just emailed him to ascertain precisely which part of the Specification he has covwered but, as he's a pious individual, I'm not expecting a reply before lunchtime.

This means that I've decided I'd better set up a Practical acticvity for tomorrow, but I haven't had time to pre-warn the technician.

All this has arisen because my school has a policy of not having any 'A' Level subject covered by only one teacher. So, although my contract is exclusively forr 6th Form, I have to teach a Year 10 Science group to make up my hours, because paret of my subject (chemistry) is being taught by a physics teacher!

Does this make sense?

Crikey, what a useless stupid set-up at that school! No wonder you're narked. Whose stupid idea was that, to have multiple teachers for each subject?

And it sounds like your daughter needs an iron for Christmas.

Me, I've got jogger's nipple and can't leave the house because the weather's too cold for enforced naturism.

Two suggestions I've read about on 'the net' for Jogger's Nipple' are,

(i) Wear band aids'
(ii) Cut holes in the appropriate place on your T-shirt.

I would suggest something less painful to pull off, such as toupee tape or 'tit tape'

(I once read (in the British Medical Journal, I think) of a male jogger who got Jogger's Penis . Apparently it was extremely painful).

Wow. I'd never heard of animal donors before. I wonder if it happens here in Oz. I guess they have to get blood from somewhere.

Sign me up please....

I would go on some amusing rant about how grumpy I am using some clever analogies.... but am not in the mood.

Welcome to P.U.D.D.I.N.G., whirlwind. (How's that for quick service?)

It is a particular pleasure to bestow Portion-hood on someone with such fine taste in music - Buzzcocks are one of my all-time favourite bands. Would I be correct in surmising that the source of your nickname is the cover of Sonic Youth's excellent 'Goo'?

that would be correct... I have the poster sitting here beside my bed, so the phrase gets stuck in my head all the time.

Ormondroyd, I have a nomination for Friends of P.U.D.D.I.N.G. Ever hear of Angry Kid? http://www.angrykid.com/main.html
Also, I had a thought about our name, possibly calling ourselves the International Association of Mirthless People United in Defense of Depression, Irritability, and Natural Grumpiness. It would make us I.A.M.P.U.D.D.I.N.G., which would be quite amusing. Add in Annoyed or Afflicted or Ailing and we could be I.A.M.A.P.U.D.D.I.N.G.
Sorry, my mind wanders all the time at work, looking for a happy place and it usually winds up with weird stuff like this.

I prefer to think of myself as pragmatic, rather than grumpy... oh and depressive, but that's more annoying than anything else... well I don't mean it's more anoying than any other annoying things, just that it's is more annoying than it is any thing else... Can you understand that? If not tough I'm dyslexic, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it so to the lot of you

Hiya Puddites! (can I call us that?) Madman, I hope you find a new place to live and I like your P.U.D.D.I.N.G. addons.

I am the eggman, I am the P.U.D.D.I.N.G.

Bluddy plumbers

Monday - my kitchen sink is blocked. Water does not drain away - I cannot put on the dishwasher or washing machine becasue they will overflow. I try to fix it myself - take off the U-bend, pour down some deblocker-acid-from-hell.

Tuesday - still blocked. I call the management of the appartment block. They don't want to know. I say "shall I call a plumber?" and they say "Yeah, if you like!".

I phone the number they'd given me 6 months ago, when this problem last occurred.

Me "Hello? Is that the plumber?"
Voice "Who wants to know?"
Me "Er, you unblocked my sink about 6 months ago...have I got the right number?"
Voice "Who gave you this number?"
Me "Well, the management company, but..."
Voice "I'll call you back!"


Hmmmm.

6 p.m I dig out the yellow pages and try to remember what the French is for what I'm looking for. I call a big well known company. They say call back tomorrow.

Wednesday 8 am I call them back. They cant come today, but will come tomorrow. No, they dont know at what time.

Thursday. I phone to see what time they'll be arriving - 2 pm. I wait in all afternoon - no plumbers.

4 pm I call them. Sorry, they''ve all gone home for the day! At this stage I burst into tears and explain that I have 2 children, have been unable to wash clothes or dishes for the past 4 days, we are living on pot noodles and takeaway pizzas, and when do they think they could come, please?

We set a time for 7.30 am on Monday (since we're all away for the weekend)and promise to ring before they arrive.

Monday 7.30 , I am up and sort of dressed.
8 am I go for a shower and get properly dressed.
9 am I give up on them and go to work.
9.05 my lodger phones to say they've just arrived.......

I think it is the secret mission of tradespeople all over the world to frustrate us.
Hope your pipes are back in working order.

Forgive me for saying these things, but....
I would like to wish everyone at P.U.D.D.I.N.G. a very happy Christmas, spiffy Hannukah, blessed Solstice, and joyous Kwanzaa!!

However....should your holidays be anything but cheerful, let us grump together harmoniously.
I now give you the Twelve Gripes of Christmas....

On the twelfth day of Christmas I came to gripe about;
Twelve pounds from candy
Eleven family members
Ten nasty migraines
Nine cats a-barfin'
Eight useless gift cards
Seven gallons of egg nog
Six hours til shop-close
Five exes ring!
Four parking tickets
Three empty boxes
Two deceased grandpas
And now a new psychiatrist to see

Bah Humbug!

Good news - it's over and you don't have to be festive any more!

Me join PUDDING now.