h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

AS any one, with half an insight into thermal-dynamics and macrame- physics can inform you: Skateboards only APPEAR to be under apparent mortals feet. They are Centargian creations that are projected laterally ( at a 58.3293 degree angle) so as not to alarm piddly-diddly humans. These humans are, after all, a rather primitive life form possessing as a primary trait FEAR. And the FEAR FACTOR ultimately destroys all chances at happiness. So it is imperative that we do not disturb them further. Do not promote puny propaganda!

I am an earthling myself, and I own a skateboard. There is actually a very rich skateboarding culture here on Earth and we have affected much of the other culture here. There are, at last count, twelve shateboarding magazines published on Earth: Transworld Skateboarding, Thrasher, Skateboarder Magazine, and Big Brother Skateboarding, to name a few. Although skateboarding is looked down upon by the white-collar crowd, we are almost 100% sure that we have a lot more fun at our jobs than they do. About 75% of the Earth's population are either affected by skateboarding or are skateboarders themselves.
In conclusion, although it is true the skateboard is very primitive and earthlings are the same, it is a very rich culture and we are very happy with what we do.

Ah you poor misguided earthling ! If only the universe would endow you with the gift of wings Then you could soar through the heavens and visit Centargia . Here we travel by "thinking" ourselves to where we want to go! No need for temporary appendages (valid or projected!!) KAT

On your subject of thinking yourself places, I have actually succeeded in flying. I fell off the balcony of my hotel but as I was falling, I saw a bald eagle percehed on one of the deck chairs by the swimming pool. I completely missed the ground and after I got over my initial shock and had thumbed my nose at Isaac Newton (an Earth scientist who commandeered the study of the principles of gravity) I flew up above the hotel and met Arthur Dent.
So flying isn't quite as advanced as willing yourself to be someplace, but I think it's a pretty good start, since it's much faster than walking or skateboarding.

Oh yes, traditional human flying still requires equipment. And as far as being faster than walking, that supposition is only legitimate if one is not stuck in "security check" for days ! KAT

I just think that if the Security Officers From Hell try to put you in "security check" (which is a punishment in which you sit in a small room with Donald Trump while a man named Nate explains the advantages of time-sharing) you could fall out of your chair but be distracted by how hideously ugly Donald Trump looks from below him you could blast a hole in the wall with a Kill-O-Zap gun and fly away. If there is no K.O.Z. handy, then you could knock Trump out of his chair and he would be so distracted by the fact that you were up in the air because most Earthlings do not own a copy of the _Guide_ that he would miss the floor and you could grab him and ram him thru the wall (all his fat would create a sufficient bulk to remove a large portion of the wall) and then you could fly away and go have a drink with Ford Prefect at the nearest pub while Ford fantasized about Eccentrica Gallumbits (the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6).
If Nate tried to stop you leaving, simply hit him with Donald Trump.

Exactly how long have you and "The Donald" (as Ivana would say) been lovers? Are you the real reason that he and Marla broke up ? (Rona Barrett wanted to know) KAT

A. What are you talking about?
B. How old are you?
C. Which country are you from?
D. Are you female or male?

I simply have No idea what I am talking about which is why this site is so much fun ! I am ancient ( at least 3,217 to the third) . Can't you tell I'm a girly from the States? KAT

Cool; I am 13 and i am a guy from the states.
Have you noticed that we have gotten completely off the subject of skateboards? I though that was interesting, after I noticed it after about 2 rounds of messages.

P.S. How do you do the smileys in your messages?

Smilies are SO EXCELLENT !. Simply click onto one and you will be transported to the "smiley page". There you will find a very long list of them. I suggest you print them as there are too many to remember. Then, when you want to use one, you simply do this: use this sign < put the smiley you want in the middle> - and finish with the opposite sign. So here it is again < word>. Don't use caps and make sure the < and > are correct. Then just have fun!! One caution: They ARE Addictive but tons of fun. If you need any more help just let me know. Where are you in the States? I'm in N.Y. KAT

I am from Oklahoma(this little hick state with a very bad stereotype that everyone from here talks with an outrageous southern accent; there is this little book called "how to speak oklahoman" and it has a picture of this guy with a plaid buttondown and suspenders and jeans and a cowboy hat saying [the guy, not the hat] "Whut yew meen yew thank ah tawk funnee?" and it really gets our dander up). Thank you for the smiley information and I will test some out now.
Now for the "actions"

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Quite excellent - a quick study - a smart cookie (what kind of cookie are you?) and all that stuff. GOLD STARS for U !!! I am a double-stuffed, double-fudge, multi-nut chocolate chip cookie !

I am a peanutbutter cookie!
I am so yummy I got a bite taken out of me yesterday!