h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I like having a mobile, although I don't use it that often other than as an adjunct to my social life.

What surprised me were the incorporated gadgets I didn't find useful, like the MP3 player, the web browser, the games, the radio, the image editor, JAVA (which I thought was a type of coffee), memo writer, calendar, "Xtras", and various other technophilic cyberpunkoid paraphenalia. I don't even use the array of melodic jingles and tuneful snippets intended as ringtones, as I keep mine permanently on vibrate, for reasons of politeness rather than titillation. Usually.

In fact, I almost feel guilty for the time and effort the good nerds and dorks employed at great expense by the phone manufacturers have put in, only for neo-luddites like me to carry on using my watch, or ye olde laptoppe, for my time-telling and internet surfing needs.

Obviously, the ability of a phone to be a phone comes in quite handy, and textifying is always good as it's non-intrusive. I also like a decent camera (currently got a 3.2 megapix on my phone, which is the same as my first digital camera). Oh yeah, the calculator as well.

Apart from that, all I want is a relatively compact model so it doesn't spoil the lining of my titanium future trousers.