h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I challenge you to describe a Canadian … without making any reference to the United States. If that’s too hard, why not take a crack at this one. Describe Canada … without anything about the climate.

We’ve got to admit it; we are defined by our large, cold, rough country which sits north of the United States. We seem to be ashamed of this, but I actually think it’s a very good thing.

The climate keeps us humble. There are lessons to be learned about mortality in the falling of an autumn leaf, patience from the first true spring day, and futility when we shovel out the driveway in winter. I can’t say all Canadians have discovered the deeper meanings of the weather, and I’m sure the ones that have compare their teacher to some what of a crusty old nun, but all of our struggles against the weather, brings us together as Canadians.

We could very easily escape the harsh weather, by moving to the United States. But to be honest the States scares us, they’ve always scared us, and you can’t blame us, who wouldn’t be afraid of a loud, pushy, violent, fat man. That seems harsh, and it is, Americans and Canadians share a lot of common culture and values, but there are key differences. By loud I mean the Americans want to make sure the whole world knows his opinion. By pushy I mean after the Americans tell you their opinion, they’ll probably want you to agree. By violent, I mean if you don’t agree they’ll make you agree. Vietnam being a good example, but not the only good example of this. And finally by fat, I mean statistically they are fat, but you can’t really blame them, I mean that’s what happens when you live in a candy store.

So being Canadian is about enjoying the North American way, but just not going about it in an American way. America is the Land of the Free. Canada is the land of the just as free as they are, but less annoying. We shape ourselves to be the opposite of everything we dislike about them. Canada is the yang to America’s ying. We should be proud of this. Each time we give someone the impression Canadians are polite, we are our own General Brock, keeping Canada and the States two separate bodies.