h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So.
Can I have your opinion, please? Last night (about six hours ago, in fact), I was ejected from a well-known nightclub in Leeds. I'm not sure that it was justified.

The first thing I know about it is being asked to follow a bouncer out of the back door. There follows a semi-amusing conversation along the lines of 'You know why you're here. ...Uh, I'm afraid I really don't' (see below for the full version).

Anyway. It transpires that the reason for this ejection was that I touched a light fitting. In their defense it was a swivelly-expensive-mirror-type thing. In my defense it was already broken, and I was just pointing this out to one of the friends I was with.

Now, had I been taken aside and warned that that sort of thing was a bad idea and would lead to my ejection, I would have of course apologised and then returned to the floor, hands firmly away from any sort of fitting. Instead I was walked to the back entrance, where I was told that I could walk around to the front and wait for my friends to meet me if they wanted to.

Now I have two theories for this.
1)Bouncers cannot have eyes everywhere at once. It is completely possible that the last time they looked at the light it was working fine. Next time they look at it some kid is messing with it and it is no longer working. In this context I understand their reasoning. But it would have been nice to have been accused of breaking, as opposed to touching said light.
2)There were five of us on the dance floor. We were dancing. We were, by default, not drinking (no drinks on the dance floor), but we did have two lidded bottles of water. It is over-thinking the issue to think that they found an excuse to take one of us out, and therefore the rest of the group, because we weren't spending any money over the £6 entry fee (plus possibly spilling water on their dance floor)?


What do you guys think?



Transcript of what I think happened between the bouncer (B) and me, mainly for my records in case I need it:

B: I think you know why you're here.
Me: Uh, I'm afraid I don't.
B: I think you do.
Me: *thinks* *scrabble for vaguely anything that could be bad* Is it because I'm gay? (Having just come out of a gay club into a fairly straight one, perhaps they were taking objection to the *ahem* gay dancing).
B: *slightly confused* No, you were touching the light fitting.
Me: Oh. Oh yeah, I put my hand up to it, yes.
B: No, you were actually touching it.
Me: Yes. *still confused*
B: Do you have any idea how much those things cost?
Me: *catches on* No, I, uh... I see.
B: Can you come this way, please?

And so to the exit.



Oh, for those of you that are interested, I emailed the company about the Xena collection that turned up, and they email back and said yes, that was mine to keep. Laura for teh win!!

Bah, last time I was in Leeds they refused to let me into a gay club, I suspect because I was holding hands with my best friend, female, and we were already both mildly inebriated so ended up having to go to a straight place. It was quite a nice place and the doorman was really nice and let us walk straight in.

I was once refused entry to a club in Swansea because I stumbled over the kerb while crossing the road, and the doorman assumed from this that I was steaming.

B

The thing to remember with bouncers is that they got the name bouncers for a reason.

It doesn't take a genius to be one, usually quite the opposite.

Oh, and once they've decided something there's no point in arguing with them, there is no arguing with them, their decision is final. Which they know.

In the situation you described they should have asked you to accompany them to a quiet part of the club and explained the situation to you. Phrases such as "I think you know why you're here" are moronically pointless. What sort of an answer do they expect "Yes indeed I do, I was just dying to talk to you but couldn't think of a way of approaching you that didn't seem cheap, so I thought I'd just touch that light fitting in the hope that your alertness would pick up on it" ??

They're morons.

They should have started of, once it was quite, by explaining to you the reason they wanted to talk to you. They should have then asked you to make a statement to see if what they thought they saw was correct, or if they were mistaken. They should then have made an informed decision.

You can't make informed decisions without information, and without informed decisions they bring the reputation of both the company providing the security for the club into doubt, and the club itself.

Really you should write to the club and explain the situation to them. State that you have no gripes about it, but felt that they could have handled the situation better.

Oh, and then they'll either bar you totally or the bouncers will start harrassing you every time you go there.

So what are you supposed to do?

You can't complain about them at the time, you can't complain about them later on.

And they know this.

Personally, I think the approach of taking a shotgun to the moronic ones isn't far from what's needed.

But, having said that, I've met and dealt with some wonderful door staff who have been nothing if not kind and helpful.

Unfortunately, they're the ones in the minority.

Oh, the actual front door staff treated me very well when I emerged from the corner and asked if I could go inside to get my coat back. Much as they won't have known, they seemed like nice people.

Considering the other stories that we've heard about that place, I don't know if we're going back or not. I fully intend to speak to the council about it too. Even if nothing is done about it, at least they have previous cases if someone else does the same.