h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*** a man in a sliver aluminum plated bellhops uniform comes in and bows deeply, his rotating hat never leaving his head...he looks sort of like elvis...***

"Nannoo-nannoo, Susie. My name is Zok Zimmerman Keeper of Earmice, Offical Intergalactic Bellhop of the Thingites and Grand High Poobah of the Way of the Spork, robot hunter, and peddler of Tribbles. I am here because I hear that you are the greatest of all counselors and that you use the ancient techniques of the Thundercats. I need such a person to assist me in the assembling of an stellar army to rise against the tyranny of the lack of absurdity...Will you assist me?
If not then would you be interested in the purchase of a cute and cuddly Tribble? They make great house pets..."

*strokes beard*

Might I ask who alerted one such as yourself to the lack of absurdity?

First, put the Tribbles away. They are nothing but trouble!

*watches the trouble as Zok herds the Tribbles*

*waits patiently*

***shuffles from one foot to the other with a wee bit of uncomfortability that he fails to hide as his earmice herd the tribbles into a bowling bag. He flares his nostrils then removes his nose to observe his flareing nostrils then returns it to his face***

"um...Susie sir, it came to my attention while on the bridge of the Blood of the Zaphodite.Admiral Artunco(or something...) was there and trying to rally a mutiny. I made my first realisation when i was accepted aboard the ship as the physical trainer of the harem and as engineer...they are right next door to each other you understand....the harems girls are seriously unhappy about the constant conflict with cubans and lack of true spaceish-ish-ish adventures...the engineering has a lack of bubbles...and my earmice spies tell me that their is also a greta toaster oven in the infirmary that has been put into comatose because no one could handle it's theories on trans dimensional radio shows and how they effect the very imporatant perspectives a lamb chop has on society as a whole...I really request nothing more from you than to consider joining our forces, This just may end up being a far greater adventure than Zaphod's when he stole the Heart of Gold...Just think about it...What would Liono do? Or Snarf?"

*considers what Cheetara would do*

I, too, have been aware of the lack of absurdity in recent times and have been disturbed by the abundance of banality.

Before I comment further, I must ask what role you anticipate for me.

One warning: I have no truck with physical training, and, should the tribbles escape their confines, I will not hesitate to allow my primitive reflexes full vent with no apologies for the eventual outcome.

***watches as the earmice herd the tribble containers out to the cosmo cab****

" Well Susie, i have never done this before...and seeing that you are Owaltron's Solution-Focused-Brief-Therapy-Counsellor Thundercat, there fore skilled in the ancient and mysterious ways of the Thundercats, I would like you to be my Advisor, Ship Counsellor or First Mate...If you are interested that is...it will be a slow start...seeing as we just started enlistment. Besides wants the chances of some totally absurd and randomly chaotic scheme ever accomplishing any thing? imagine the adventures!!!"

*imagines the adventures*

*gets excited*

*calms down enough to speak in measured tones*

Zok, I agree to accept the role as offered on condition that it does compromise in no way my position as Owlatron's Solution-Focused-Brief-Therapy-Counsellor Thundercat, and on the clear understanding that, should any conflict of interest arise, my loyalties will forever lie with my Thundercat roots and my actions will reflect this.

Should you accept me on these terms, remove that tribble from my knee, absurdity and chaos await!

***quickly removes the tribble from susie's knee and stuffs it in a pocket***


"excellent.most excellent..first who do we team up with? the admiral artunco or captain peirce...the captain has a ship but the admiral seems ludicrious enough to join us and lead our armada of absurdity...but who has the most to offer?"

*considers the alliteration of admiral, artunco, armada and absurdity*

Reject forthwith the safe, secure notion of the Captain and his ship!

He who risks nothing never lives!

The Admiral is our man!

HA!HA!HA!
***hugs susie then jumps back real quick and looking a little ashamed***
"sorry about that....i just got excited...i just got a message from Grand Inquistor Jerrod of the Saffron Magistrate, he's interested...I have also made contact with the Potatoe Army, and the Terranic Army...if you have any valuable friends or allies which you think would be interested then spread the word...should i make my page a HQ or something?...I don't know..."

*blushes and steps away from Zok*

Part of your page could become HQ, yes

I will alert the Thundercats to our endeavour; they may wish to join forces with us, although some will not take that step before the return of our great leader. Owlatron, who has been gone for forty days and forty nights...

*realises she is waxing biblical and stops herself*

"so we are meeting our co-conspirators in The Terranic Army space...In the War Strategy Room...Spread the word....and um...er...sorry about that hug thing....i mean...er....eh....yeah...right?"

***Turns three shades of red, wets his aluminum pants and runs out the door...his Earmice mopping the floor as they follow***

*remembers the hug and smiles to herself*

I am waiting for responses from any Thundercats, Zok. They will go to the war strategy room of the Terranic Army, should they wish involvement.

*heads off for the war strategy room, stepping carefully round the puddle on the floor*

*sits quietly alone, hugging her knees to her chin, hair loose, skirt draped round her feet, wondering about the hug and what type of man this Zok might be*