h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A665444

hi there,


Please please please, could you break the article down into seperate paragraphs, just put at the beginning and at the end of each paragraph.

I'm afraid I went completely crosseyed trying to read the massive block of text

I suspect that the article is more of a personal opinion, than a book/film comparison, but that's just because I read the first few lines which had a lot of first person phrasing.

I'd love to read it properly and give some constructive criticism, but I'm getting on a bit and my eyes gave out before I'd got far into it


whisky

What Whiskey said.

You don't need the at the end of each line. Without it the lines wrap automatically and you don't get the disjointed look that comes from composing the entry in a format that's wider than where it ends up. Because of the , you've ended up with something that looks like *this,*

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXX

instead of a more conventional format.

I couldn't get through it either. That had NOTHING to do with the quality of the writing or the subject matter, just the format.

at the beginning of each paragraph, at the end of each paragraph, and let the rest wrap automatically.

This has a lot of potential, so I'd like to be able to read it.

NBY

sorry, i' m no good with code, but it seems fairly simple, I'll give it a shot

you're right that does look a lot better, I just didn't know how to use the guide ML. And you're right, it is my opinion, but it's also a comparison. I am basically saying that the movie isn't enough like the book to bear the same title. Of course I don't have to tell you that now that you can read it without needing years of re cooperation on your eyes. Sorry about the mess.

MUCH more readable.

I was right. Your entry has a lot of potential. With a bit of rewording, you could make your points without running afoul of the "no first person" and "balance" guidelines.

I'm going to quote one paragraph from your entry and the reword in such a way that I think it could get into the edited guide. This isnt an attempt to get you to emulate my writing style or specific words, just to show you that you can get your point across within the guidelines.

Ready? Good.

"Montgomery has changed as well, but not his name, his personality. He seems like a completely different Montgomery than the one I read about, although, that may not have been the fault of the script. Steven Whitty a writer for Knight-Ridder News Service chastized Val Kilmer's (who portrayed Montgomery) performance, "He'd much rather go into a pose than give a performance, and his job in this movie makes Brando's [as Moreau] look sane." I think The way Montgomerey was portrayed made up a bulk of the problems in this film.However, this change in Montgomery is just the beginning, unfortunately, of an awful mocking of H.G. Wells classic novel."

I would say something like this:

"The movie didn't change Montgomery's name, but does seem to have changed his personality. It's difficult to tell whether or not this was intentional on the part of the scriptwriters. Steven Whitty, a writer for Knight-Ridder News Service, was critical of Val Kilmer's performance as Montgomery, saying "He'd much rather go into a pose than give a performance, and his job in this movie makes Brando's [as Moreau] look sane." This difference in the portrayal of Montgomery may have been responsible for the bulk of the differences between the book and the film. However, this change in Montgomery is just one of many changes that result in the film having only a superficial resemblance to H. G. Well's classic novel."

It's possible to sneak opinion into the edited guide (don't tell ANYONE I said that), but it has to at least look like you're trying to be objective. (NOTE TO SCOUTS AND EDITORS: I, of course, would never even attempt to do such a thing ) The first person wording really does need to go, though. Interestingly enough, third person wording makes just about anything seem less like a statement of opinion.

Good luck. I'm hoping to see your entry in the edited guide soon.

NBY

I think (catch that?), my real opinion is much worse, well, no, not that. My opinion isn't bad, I have wonderful opinions. My opinion of the film is that it is horrible, worse than I wrote, even if I had not read the book. I really don't have time to do any of that, so you can go ahead and toss it. I actually just submitted a paper I wrote (which explains my lack of time, school and all) I didn't know about the whole first person thing, yet somehow I remembered almost everything else I read here months ago. I'll probably keep posting my papers that I like. But as for you guys, whenever I end up writing a report as opposed to a research paper, I'll be back here again. Sorry about all of that, your wasted time and what not.

hatemeiwaku,

The no time thing is a pity, because this is something the I'd like to see get into thr guide. I hope you don't think I was coming down on you or anything like that, because I wasn't intending to do that.

NBY

No, I didn't think that, I'm just a student so I'm busy. You will see me again some day though, whenever I do a report for school that isn't in the first person (provided I like it)....

In that case, would you like us to move this thread out of Peer Review for you?


Mikey

Hmmm... the author appears to be AWOL. From his/her last posting, I'm guessing that there wouldn't be any fierce opposition on the author's part to moving this thread to the entry. Alternatively, we can wait until this thread is Flea Market eligible...

What do y'all think?

Mikey

Seconded!