h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi and welcome to h2g2.
My name is Crystal Butterfly and I am an Assistant Community Editor (ACE)
Just one of a group of researchers to like to meet, greet and hopefully befriend newcomers to the guide.
There are plenty of things to do around the Guide, from chatting in forums to writing your own Guide entries.
If you wish to see the Guide entries I have written, please click on my name and you will be taken to my personal space, where the entries are recorded.
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Constructive critisism is always welcomed!
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Hope to see you around!
Happy Hitchhiking

Crystal Butterfly

Thank you for the welcome, even though I am Niwt (but you've probably never heard of me, so that's all right) Would you be able to help me out? I'm having a bit of trouble here http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F23136?thread=132875 :-)

I... Don't ... Think.. Sooo...

*pulls Blues Harp out of pocket, whacks lint out of it, and prepares to play the intro to the Dread Curse of The Bards*

This is your last chance, Bloggs..

Is this a private battle or can anyone join in?

Hi CB

Jump right on in. But be veeeery careful. This 'Bloggs' character is cunning, sneaky, and downright... mean!

Of course, you may choose to support Bloggs, in which case, be even more careful, because us Bards are cunning, sneaky, and downright... mean. And we have on our side

BTW, you might want to keep your distance. I plan to transform Bloggs into a frog, ( or a toad, I can't decide ) In either case, he might be feeling a bit peckish following the change, and, since you *are* a butterfly.. well, you get my drift...

Yeah, Bloggs is nasty and so is Fat Lady but I'm not, okay?

*puffs cheeks out, preparatory to bending out the first pulls Blues Harp quickly away from mouth, which makes a weird ~pah~ sound*

Hey! Where did that slippery rascal go? And that fa.. , ahem, volumetrically challenged person of the female persuasion, aka 'the Fat Lady' -- how did she suddenly vanish? That's a better trick than the guy making elephants disappear

And you... you look vaguely familiar.. you wouldn't be related to Niwt, by any chance?

*grabs Niwt*
*bundles Niwt under his shirt*
What? Who are you talking about? There's no Niwt here. *surruptisiously (sp?) passes Niwt to the Fat Lady - no-one would notice any more bulge*

~makes arcane gesture with Blues Harp, which causes Fat Lady's clothing to vanish, revealing Niwt, gasping for breath, and unfortunately far more of the Fat Lady than anyone, including Joe Bloggs, wanted ever to see. After a stunned silence, another arcane gesture, somewhat shaky this time, causes the Fat Lady to follow her clothing into vanishment, ( She reappears, charitably re-attired, on a tropical beach in Bora Bora, where she is instantly deified by the local populace, who for cultural and historic reasons admire those of the corpulent persuasion~

Now, Bloggs. How did you escape the arms of justice? Too bad for you. The courts may have shown you mercy. I will not...

~Raises Blues Harp once again~

You cannot harm me! I am immortal!
*Bloggs changes into a , a sort of Voldemort, a nasty evil thing*
Right. Let's duel.
*raises wand*

Nonsense. You mean 'immoral'. And that will do you no good at all. I am a Bard. Not only that, I am the chief Bard of the West, and even if you were a , or a Voldemont, you would be subordinate to me. Begone, foul dwimmerlaik..

~gestures casually with Blues Harp, Bloggs wand is revealed as a used toothpick, and Bloggs as the unpleasant thug that he is~

Now, to resolve this, I will gather the threads of this affair, and bring it to a conclusion that may not be to your liking...

~softly blows a single note on the Blues Harp~

You keep on blowing single notes on Blues Harps but nothing has happened yet

*smiles serenely*

You're getting married?
Congratulations!

Yep, he is , would you like to go there?

Thanks!

Where exactly?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A626528

.... as usual....

JB

Thanks.
What happened to Niwt?

I ate purple spinach and died...