h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll just say this and then I'll leave it alone, because frankly it's beneath me. It seems that we can say 'crap' after all but not 's**t'. I appreciate that, if one is going to draw a line in the dirt, it has to be drawn somewhere (and I'd dearly love to be in on the meeting where it's decided what is acceptable, and what not) but I'm still unsure who we're protecting, or even if placing two asterisks like stars over nipples *is* protecting anyone. It stops no one reading the full word or hearing it pronounced in their head (certainly not minors, whose little brains are awash with filth). Try it. Try looking at this combination of symbols: s**t without reading the expletive (and be honest about it). The asterisks reinforce the meaning and draw attention to it. So if I haven't effectively removed the word (the visual equivalent of a bleep) then all I've done is disguise two of the letters that constitute it. But the site of an s, an h, an i and a t isn't offensive: it's the meanings of words, not their appearance to which we might object.

It occurs to me that what I'm actually arguing for, if anything, is *greater* use of asterisks. Blot out the whole word and then I can call Gwyneth Paltrow a boring ****, or even a ****, or a ********* **** (nb. the first and last asterisk in the penultimate expletive were for emphasis, not censorship) and no one is any the wiser.

If we're going to have censorship let's have it a little more totalitarian, please, and not so half arsed.

It's hard w**k, but someone's got to do it; looks like it's us m'dear!

Love from the last bastions of the ramparts (hang on, isn't that politically incorrect to illegitimate male sheep?)

sh*t that door, sh*t that vicar whilst s*itting kittens.....

Oh dear. Mustn't get c*rried away.

te-he!

T*t t*t, one must be careful with the B**b, they are easily aroused.

So am I.

--But only by the right sort of spimulus.



*savage little snigger*

("Put that Nubian down immediately!")

spimulus? As in spimulus and spermus, that pair that erected Rome in a day? No, was it Rome or was it Staines?

Ah, but Staines don't show when you use Goo.

txxx

Au contraire; they show more: alabaster white on a dark blue background.

xxx

Oh sheet!!!

I never knew that!!!

txxx

Well I mean, I like sliding in between crisp sheets as much as the next cat, but this is ridiculous. Some people just use starch y'know.

xxx