h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: To My Endless Valentine - A47217152
Author: Alex Tufty Ashman [!] - U566116


An entry for 's "The Stretcher". I would have posted this sooner, but I had to get approval first .

Alex

Ms GB

To be honest, I'm not sure about this .

The problem with addressing the idea of an 'endless Valentine' in this way is that it's difficult to avoid sounding cliched.

I like the image of the heartbeats that appear in the last two verses. Is there any way you can build on that?

Is it really fair to describe a poem as clichéd simply because it lacks some form of gimmick or novelty factor? My feeling was that it was more difficult to use an adjective that doesn't automatically provide an metaphor.

I'm not really sure how to rework it - do you mean rewriting what's there or adding further verses? (I probably should mention that I've never submitted a poem before...)

Alex

My rule of thumb with poetry is to avoid abstract words like 'love' and to use concrete images instead.

If I'd been doing an 'endless' Valentine, I might have started off with a description of a place that reminded me of a lost love, and let the emotion appear through the reminiscence. You could try starting with your poet hearing a sound that reminds him of a heartbeat- even the regular rhythm of the sea on a beach - and take it from there.

However, there are lots of ways to write poetry and you are perfectly entitled to tell me to get lost and do your own thing!

As a go at putting feelings into words, this does that pretty open and honestly. What it didn't do for me was make me feel them as a reader. But I did find it touching.

For the Stretcher, I'd have a go at following MVP's advice and giving some concrete detail for readers to engage with. Take care too that the rhythm doesn't jar with the sentiment.

I wanted this to be a true expression of feelings and so I'm uncomfortable with the idea of adding concrete images to make it more real for onlookers. If things were different, I'd be quite happy to rewrite the whole thing; however, the challenge was to write a love poem, and so I'm sticking with what I've got. I don't claim that it's well-written or even readable, but it's how I feel and I can't rightly change that for the sake of a metaphor. Please don't take this as a rejection of your advice.

Fine.

And as an indication that this approach can work, you might want to look at this famous poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonnets_from_the_Portuguese

Looks like the kind of poem that goes inside a valentines card, but i like the traditional quality about it.

mini

No worries, Alex , I imagine the person it's written for loves it - which is the most important thing about a true valentine.

I think it's a beautiful love poem, something everybody would be pleased to get from their loved one.