h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I desperately wanted to go out this weekend just past, I hadn't been to Croydon for 2 weeks and all I had done was walk to the bridge on the green and back. My right leg and backside hurt too much to sit down though, so a wheelchair was not the option. So once we got the taxi into Croydon, we found a walking stick, they actually help, so that was fantastic!

I got some stuff from Lush, the lack of sleep, exercise and the painkillers are taking their toll, so I wanted to treat myself to make myself feel nice.

Oh yes sleep, it was bad when I was getting 2 hours a night, last night I didn't even get that. I can't think straight, its very difficult to do my daily walk and exercise and keep positive when I am more tired than I have ever experienced before. It is a side-effect of one of my drugs, another side-effect was to have blood-shot and swollen eyes, which did stop after 2 weeks, so maybe this sleep thing will settle down as well?

But I got out, thats the thing to focus on.

Being hopeful, maybe I will get more than 1 hours sleep tonight.

After having depression since 12, how am I coping so well with this, I have often wondered? I have realised that underneath it all I am a natural optimist. If I have said this already, do please ignore me, I can't even focus right now I am so tired and my brain is struggling, all the spelling mistakes I am having to correct! Its mainly a pep talk for me anyway.

Under all that depression, I am naturally a happy fighter. This doesn't come easy though, well constant pain is a struggle obviously. Optimism has to be nurtured. Their are days when I am too tired or in too much pain to be able to do much to help myself, its like depression again, I let hose days go by. On other days, I remember what makes me happy and I do it, even when too knackered. Now I let myself be. Oh I am too tired to explain this.

I shall come back later, and try and explain, its good reinforcement for me. Anyway, I have ironing to do, lets hope I am awake enough for that!

Hope your sleep sorts itself out soon, Kaz.

Lush - great stuff, innit? Do you have a shop nearby, or do you have to send off for it like I do?

We have a shop in Croydon, so before I could just walk there anytime. Now though its a treat, an incentive to get out there, taxis are expensive so we do all the treats to make it worthwhile. I had said to Moonglum that Croydon needed a Lush, so I was quite pleased to see one appear last year! Before that though I used to send off for stuff, then they had one in Victoria railway station which was quite handy too.

Realises she is rambling in a very tired way!

There's one in Victoria? I missed that. Probably too busy browsing the Body Shop stall.

On the way to platforms 11-16 or something like that. On the platform level, not the shopping section one floor up. Its next to The Cheese Shop!

I must have walked right past it several times. I'll keep an eye out next time.

I remember the Cheese Shop. Man, I miss London when I read about it!

I should go there and write lots and lots of poetry. Three minimum a day.

I hope things improve for you and I am glad you are, deep down, happy to fight. Hold on to that, but -- remember you can rest, too.

I am ready to fight by keeping going, but not to fight the health system yet. Who knows they may actually end up being helpful.

Yesterday I tried a walk that used to take me 20 minutes, it ended up taking me 1 and 1/2 hours. I got slower and slower, leaning on the walking stick more and more. On the positive side though, I did it, and once the pain from walking eased off, it actually felt good for a while.

You gotta keep exercising cause if you don't the pain gets worse. But exercise will cause a different type of pain, its keeping those two types in balance which matters. Anyway, too shattered today to do much, made a short walk though, its good to get out in the sun afterall.

Its hurts a lot now, so I am sitting here for a short while, before I can't anymore than off to read. I know it should ease off in an hour or two, thats because of the Tens machine. After a while the tens can start to aggravate it and make it worse, but for a while it will all work out.

I get 2 to 4 hours sleep at night and one of my pills in the morning knocks me out for another hour or so, which is lovely. Only I have been woken at midday everyday by DIY, I found out today that they have spent a week replacing the carpets in the hall of the block of flats near to me. On Monday they start in my block, so hopefully the noisy bit won't start till midday, but if they wake me up when working in next doors block, how loud will it be when they are here? Oh well, I can always treat myself to a taxi into Croydon and escape for a few hours in a coffee shop if I have to. Its expensive getting taxis, but then again constant pain means I don't always deal with stress as well as I might like to.

Anyway, its bearable, I am getting about a bit more now and generally am happy, if a bit tearful at times, but better to let those hormones out through the tears then try to hold them back.

life is good, painful, but good!

That all sounds promising. Way to go, Kaz.

I think learning to live with a condition is often more important than seeking a cure; it's difficult to seek cures when you're not coping with your current predicament, especially if there's no guarantee of recovery at the end of the search. Learning ways of coping can itself lead to a certain level of recovery - and the energy to look into more treatments.

I'm pleased to see how much the TENS machine is helping you. I've often wondered about getting one, but have had mixed reports about them. I guess its efficacy depends on the type or source of one's pain. It's also good to see you're getting out and about, if slowly. One thing I've discovered during my times of not walking far is how much a small distance can expand into a huge world when I'm going slowly enough to take in all the details through different senses.

As a kid, I once read that if you stare at a patch of grass for long enough, you start to see all kinds of things crawling about in it. I tried it, and it's true: there's a whole jungle down there - as I expect you've seen for yourself. But it also seems to be true of built-up areas full of concrete and tarmac. When I lived in the centre of London, I was amazed at the variety of plant life I saw growing between paving slabs and out of walls and so on. The moment an area is left to its own devices, green stuff takes over, bringing birds, mammals and invertebrates with it. Imagine the level of maintenance that's required to keep a concrete jungle from becoming a real jungle!

If you were closer I would lend you my tens machine for a day, to see whether it would be worthwhile. Some hospitals can lend them out, I have heard, don't know how correct that was though. They can be a sod, there are all different positions to put them in, I use the sciatica position. You can make your own positions of the electrodes up as well. However you being to find that moving the electrodes a bit one way, will turn the sensation prickly and not helpful. It seems a great palaver, but its worth sticking with. I imagine it would work best if you do experience pain in one area more than others, as you do have to select an area.

I was at the end of my tether pain-wise and although I wasn't sure, Moonglum thought it was worth chancing the £50. I then found it available for half price on the Boots website which annoyed me no end. I have even tried magnetic plasters on my feet, as the sciatica position only helps down to the knee. So the shin and foot still gets it and it used to wake me up, I am still out on whether they have helped though. Boots card points meant they were free, so what the hell I thought!

I know what you mean about noticing things, I was chatting to a lady on Monday who had never seen kingfishers or woodpeckers around here and I see them all the time. Many times I tell Moonglum how my condition has taught me to see more and appreciate more. I may not get far these days, but I see so more more on my walks.

As a kid, I never had friends. I would spend my free time on my belly watching the insects and things, with a neighbours cat, who liked to watch with me. I remember at weekends she would pop in the kitchen to see if I was ready to come out! See, never been good with people, but always had my eyes open.

Just checked, they are still half price on the website, yet full price in the shop. I must that website more often and see what else am I being ripped off on. Its quite annoying that, at least I know where to check now.

Wow, kingfishers and woodpeckers!